The World As Told By Haz

Harap Maklum

2011-05-01T16:18:00.003+08:00

Salam terhormat. As I am in the phase of setting up my own website, I will start to downsize this blog space in order to shift the whole thing and revetting certain posts to be transferred to my website.

As such, I won't be blogging here much. Reconstruction will commence after 1st week of May.

Thanks! :)

Time Lapse Videography of the Universe

2011-04-19T23:30:00.002+08:00

The Mountain from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.

It is interesting to ponder how feeble all of us are when we look at the sky.

I used to have this weird habit of placing my feet on the sky, only to feel scared afterwards. The thought of the sheer amount of space left on the balls of my feet would shake the living 24-year-old lights out of me.

Looking at the Milky Way, and the way the clouds swim like the waves crashing on rocks clearly signifies the realm that we live in are truly spectacular for those who think and reflect on how small we are- minuscule compared to the Universe. A tiny explosion of supernova near our solar system would probably sent us all to Level 7 Chernobyl disaster part 3.

If I were to smoke pipe and stare at the Milky Way, would I see strawberry fields?

Super Moon

2011-04-19T23:22:00.003+08:00

Me and Yoko saw this magnificent red 'hunting' moon at woodlands en route to woodlands interchange.

Yoko kept commenting on how big and how beautiful it was.

I merely smiled and replied, "Who knows? There might be superman behind that moon pushing it towards us. And speaking of which, did you know that the speculators of Illuminati mentioned about their Grand Plan of sending UFOs and Aliens to attack Mother Earth in hopes of the world uniting against a common enemy?"

Talk about being smooth. :p

Today Yoko wore this red maroon headscarf, which kinda reminds me of the girl in my Coach frame on my work desk.

Talk about dejavu. :p

Needless to say, Yoko is my super red moon. Simply because, she wears red.

And she is super. :)

Man of the World

2011-04-17T20:57:00.002+08:00

Al-Kindi mentioned about the harmony of music, the arrangement of mathematical cosmology that influences the human mind, soul and heart.

"It is not possible to enter the human heart without passing by the antechamber of the ears. The musical, measured subjects, emphasize what there is in the heart and reveal their beauties and defects."- Al-Ghazali, in Ihya ulum Ad-Din.

2010-09-22T11:03:00.001+08:00

And the 'you' here is, well, me. :)

Disappointments

2010-09-21T21:24:00.002+08:00

How do you define disappointment in laymen's terms? In my point of view, its simply whereby my expectations isn't met. Well, so how do you measure the level of credibility and justifiable an expectation can potentially be?

Well, it is perhaps a mixture of ethics, justice, and adab. Putting things in its proper place. Like putting appreciation in its place when you feel someone has helped you in major situations, or like putting a cup of coffee on the table and not on the floor. A human brain is located at the top not on my ass. So yeah, thats adab for ya.

It is disappointing if someone whom you expect to have understood your worldview did not meet that expectation. It is as if, you expect the person to run fast, knowing that the person can run fast, but due to some amount of emotional lag that dampen ones ability to perform aptly, the person, well, I would say didn't plausibly make it to my expectation list.

Im not an ardent admirer for perfection. Perfection does not belong to a creation. But we must however, try our best to make do with the things we have. That is adab. To rightfully accept our role as steward of this world, and though we may lack in many different ways, we try our best to make this world a better place to live in.

It all boils down to trust. When a person trust that the other could perform, it sort of create a self-prophecy cycle that enables one to do something for the sack of that trust. It is the ability to appreciate trust as an existence that manifest as beauty not in the eyes of the beholder, but beauty in the mind's eye of the beholder. Clearly there is a significant difference between the eye, and the mind's eye. The mind's eye is your worldview. The lens encompassing your perspective over REALITY.

Reality is a large word. If you ask Prof Naquib the definition of reality, he'd whallop your butt raw for asking the wrong questions. In fact, how can you define reality, when reality defines definition? Its like an apple defining life, when life itself defines and shapes our perspective of the apple, like how sunlight influences the colour of the apple to be red or green. So what exactly is reality in this context??

Well, for beginners, it starts with the people around you. Yes, these people around you are real, although some scientist might beg to differ as the people around you, so they claim, is a reflection of the electric signals running thru your brain, and thus, if they could distort the electric signal, the eye sees a different picture.

But surely we must look at a person beyond his appearance. What im trying to say, is to see a person beyond the eye. Using the mind's eye. To appreciate the living of that particular person, and do what you can to make the best out of it. In what way then?

Learn to be thankful. Accept the imbalances of the self and take it in your stride, and appreciate the realities around you. It is exceptionally important for one to be appreciative. Because if a person is not, well, that reality can simply be undone. I mean, God creates us for a reason right? That He alone is all-sustainable, everlasting, whereas we are short-lived, and weak.

It is best for you to reflect my friend. Before that particular reality ceased to exist.

Only God is the true reality that does not perish!

A Happy bird

2010-09-12T02:05:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder, when I dwell in the labyrinths of adab, and I see my buddies who have understood that concept but failed to reinforce it after the month of ramadhan left us, it saddens my heart.

It is ok to express certain things. But we must remember that there are certain things that are best left aside, and if there is a need, to not pursue it. It is like, you express that you like the apple on the NTUC shelve, but knowing that you have a lot of apples at home, you don't pursue the offer of buying it, less eating it of course.

Each individual is liable of his/her actions. But nevertheless, when it comes to the level where it involves other beings of life, and their feelings and certain emotional attachments, it is best to not discuss the hidden desire, to quell the forbidden desires of pursuing more than what you have. If two is not enough, it is best to contemplate on yourself and not do anything. Because every action you take, it'll lead to consequences that may sadden others. Perhaps we all should reconsider our thought-provoking statements, and that is a reminder for me too. :)

Selamat Hari Raya to my Family and friends, especially my flysunday who has been with me for more than a year, the child, the rose and the angel, the strawberries in the fields, the house that was meant for us to stay atop the rainbow peels, etc.

You make me feel happy. A happy bird. Happily tweeting its way to soar among the clouds, knowing, understanding, and most of all, BELIEVING in me that I will always go back, perched upon the petals of my lovely white rose, singing songs of songbirds and dust, and back again to my home in the sky.

The sky is where I truly belong. And my heart is where you truly belong. :) That is, my sincerity at its best.

And to this world, stop the Burn the Quran crap. You're not burning anything my friend. If you really want to burn, you gotta burn our hearts. Because what we memorise in our minds doesnt make our minds holding the holy book, but it is actually the heart that memorises them in its totality. Because the heart is knowledge-based. And the Quran is knowledge. So burning the book is like burning water. No matter how much fire you have, we always come down as rain.

Or worst, as happy birds.

The missing jigsaw piece

2010-08-24T00:59:00.003+08:00

Its been ice ages since I blog. I find it abit of a chore to keep updating about myself, and having the sole objective of blogging lost among the updates. I mean, blogging is supposed to be a medium to express what I feel right? Hmm..

I can't sleep, so was in deep thoughts over some uncertain issues. Was rolling around listening to some music until it played a familiar piano piece that was long lost. It was farzanna's piano piece. So I decided to look back at my blog posts in hopes that I could find some answers in what I opined as 'contemplating on past actions'.

Saw this post dated way back in August 2007. It read, "Dont let him get hurt, if it has to be, i'd rather u lemme take his place.."

Suddenly I realised the missing jigsaw puzzle. I believe each and every one of us have different interpretations on sacrifices. But what astounded me was that this insan could pray to God and asked that I were to be safe, and if I werent, she'd rather be in my place. I mean, what the heck. I wouldn't do such a thing. Its painful. Why would someone share another's tragedy?

Such blind love. Thats the missing jigsaw puzzle.

bla bla

2010-02-11T22:16:00.002+08:00

sometimes it is kinda scary to gulp in the truth that you are one of the kind, possibly one out of a million. I am very sure I can meet the rest of the 10 from the other ten million.

sometimes I just feel like the people around me couldn't careless of the realities that are happening, but perhaps they really mean it when they say 'ignorance is a bliss.'

sometimes I feel as though I am not giving enough, but to them, it is too much, but to me, it is never enough.

so whose fault is it?

My guess?

Only immatures would initiate the pointing-finger approach.

The Reduction of Faith to define 'Underclass'

2010-02-11T10:19:00.001+08:00

Dr Yaacob Ibrahim mentioned in the news recently about the emergence of underclass Malay/Muslim group from the main community, citing "This is not Malay culture, this is a subculture". (CNA,04 January 2010, Analysis: National approach needed for underclass issue).

The question is: Is it true that the emergence of such underclass from the mainstream community a recent introduction, or a cause of accrual exploitation of the media, or is it a cause factor of the social paradigm shift in a post modern era?

During the CLF/TMSN meeting with various Malay Muslim undergraduates recently, many of us argued and brought across factors after factors that maybe the social indicators to redefine the terminology 'underclass' in our context. However, much to my dismay, few would bring across a much simpler tool to find the pin among the hay.

There were many factors most sociologists would use to redefine such a heavy term as 'underclass'. Some say it is the result of the lack of the social, cultural and economical capital of the self. Others used the term 'pathological demoralization' of the mind, or also known as the 'last mile barrier'- the psychological resistance that puts in an absence of any effect if given empowerment, resources, capitals, benefits etc. Some might be given as much as a thousand dollars, but still fail to bring itself out of the problem due to internal resistance to all forms of given welfare.

Some also might argue that 'underclass' can be seen as an Alternative Value System. It is whereby the mind chooses its state of comfort, in a way that even success might be seen as 'drinking a dozen of Heineken bottles at one go' as compared to earning large sums of money. The yardstick of success is hence viewed differently.

In addition, some introduced the 'deconstruction of empowerment'' whereby the environment, social pressures and fast-paced modernization left them socially immobile- unable to keep up with the upper segment of the society, they tend to accept their fate and not having the determination to achieve. Others say they lack help from the MMOs (Malay Muslim Organisations) due to certain policy fine prints and the lack of information with regards to social welfare.

However, in my opinion, it is a mere loss of adab in the society. Referring to the transcripts of Prof Syed Naquib Al-Attas, "I said of that it is the loss of adab. Adab is a reflection of wisdom, because this comes from the knowledge of the Prophets. It is not something that you receive from universities or even from knowledge. Because sometimes people have knowledge but no adab. Adab, the way i understood it, it is acting in conformity with justice. Justice is THE final virtue, justice is the culmination of all virtues."

He further elaborated:

As said in the Qur'an:

"Verily Allah commands that you should render back the trusts to those whom they are due (amanah); and that when you judge between men, you judge with justice..."

(Surah An-Nisa': 58)

There are 4 terms in this verse that is important.

1) That the verse is a command ('amr). And when you talk about command you talk about law. Law can only take place when people realise the commands and prohibitions and submit to it.

2) The people of authority are not leaders in legitimate power, but people that are mentioned in the Qur'an as Ulul 'Ilm (those with knowledge), Ulul Absar (those with vision), Ulul Albab (those who are in thinking). This can also mean just governments too.

3) Wisdom, which is the knowledge that tells you of the proper places of everything. Those who are given wisdom include the Prophets and the philosophers. Unfortunately some of the philosophers do not realize that wisdom comes from Allah s.w.t, thinking that wisdom comes from their own minds.

Everything has its own proper place. Things are established in its proper places in accordance to haqq which is reality and truth. Wisdom is therefore the methods of how to deal with these things, to put them into their proper places.

4) Adab is conformity with the knowledge of the proper places of things. And when this is carried out, the condition that results from this is justice. Therefore justice is the condition in which things are in their proper places.

It is in such truth that I must mentioned that the loss of adab of our society itself has degraded our society from the light of Allah SWT. It is the reduction of faith, clearly seen in the meeting, that I would boldly comment that the term 'underclass' can also mean:

"People who has experience a loss of adab in conformity with the knowledge of the proper places of things, in which the reduction of faith, the disenchantment of nature and the lack of knowledge with wisdom in dealing with issues creates a stagnant, or perhaps, a dedevelopmentation of social excellance."

Sadly, it also means it includes me, and the many people who deemed themselves as intellects, for they show 'tendencies to reduce faith and spiritual aspects' in our efforts to study this issue.

The community must realise that the Malay community is built upon the transcended revelation of Islam. Stretching from the historical revivalism of the Islamisation of the Malay Archipelago from Hinduism and animalism, and the integration of Arabic language in Malay Language (as seen from words dunia, akhirat, ruh, doa, taqwa etc); it is steadfast, deep rooted, firm and strong, in our Malay culture and language. Thus, Islam is the way of life of the Malay World. It remains as our worldview.

In the Quran, I believe many would find verses that shows how Allah SWT torture those who do mungkar (bad actions) and rewards those who do makruf (good actions). It is perhaps, in this 'amar makruf, nahi mungkar' that could be included in the redefinition of the underclass. Hence, according to Islam, it is simply, 'those who do bad deeds, and do not do good deeds' (amar mungkar, nahi makruf).

Do we include spiritual perspectives to solve this issue, or do we use spiritual aspects as our magnum opus in our spectacle to study the issue, or we simply shrug the 'religious connotations' to do favours to the sociological aspects of research? Or we simply dwell in the pool of secularism and act as though we are Gods- in control of our own actions and thoughts?

I shall end this note with a quote from Rene Descartes, French Philosopher- "Cogito Ergo Sum" or ‘I think therefore I am’.

Wallahualam bisawwab.

2009-12-26T11:18:00.002+08:00

Suffah Study Circle 1

Dated on the 19.12.2009

Studying text pg 1 to 5, Islam and Secularism,

Prof Naquib Al-Attas

Prepared by Md Hazlami Bin Zawawi

Brief Introduction to the birth of Secularization

Secularization was viewed by Christian theologians in the early 19^th Century as a crisis. Islam in the 9^th Century brought about significant influences on the Western Culture and civilization, channeling the age of Reason as it leads to the European Enlightenment that stretches from the 17^th Century till the 19^th Century. It is in the dualism between Reason and Religion that spurred the birth of secularization. [1]

Before the introduction of Islam, the Europe world was shrouded by the darkness of the Church. Christian doctrines and theologies were determined by the Church, and thinkers that showed deviant behavior towards the established creed were decreed blasphemous which in turn usually resulting in their deaths. The coming of Islam, also known as Pax Islamica[2], paying particular attention to the city of Andalusia, gave rise to the exchange and the introduction of knowledge of science, philosophy, theology and more.

Western philosophers have anticipated the coming of reason where an age of ‘no God’ and ‘no religion’ is emancipated with such force. [3] When the European scholars were opened to the knowledge brought by Islam, the introduction of reason and advances in science caused the European scholars to reanalyze Christianity, trying in desperate to link reason with Christian doctrines and creed. Unfortunately, what they see was a religion that was flawed in many aspects, which is why Christianity is still unable to establish itself with science. They were baffled when they used reason to explain Christian theologies, and got confused over unexplained mysticism where orthodox Christians would simply rely on the ‘It is God’s will’- referring to God’s ultimate plan[4]. It is in these unexplained tragedies of events that created confusion among Christian philosophers, and thus, they were ascertained that secularization would take place very soon.

Henceforth, in the midst of such confusion and chaos of theology, epistemology and the uncertainty towards the reliability of the Bible as a Christian fundamental pillar of faith, the conflict between reason and Christianity gave rise to Secularism, or also known at present, as the Western Civilization.

Age Of Reason

The participation of Science of Reason- the epistemological process of thought through analytical observation and rationalism is known to stretch way back into ancient Greek, where Greek philosophy was introduced by Aristotle. Upon discovering that the relevance of Christianity is no longer felt amongst the people due to the advent of Secularism, and with the echoes of the Nietzschean cry that “God is Dead”- a direct interpretation that “Christianity is Dead”[5] spearheading secularism, Christianity reaches a breaking point. With that, Pope Paul VI (1963-1978) reformed Christianity, and therefore, Christianity as an entity begins to align itself with Secularism.[6] The Gospel was reinterpreted radically, and the image of Christianity is seen to be logical, appearing naturally into the picture of contemporary Western man. They began to include Christianity in Science, Medication, Governance etc, only emerging as a religion of mere belief[7]. Thus, Christianity becomes an impartial element to secularization and contemporary man, but also separated when it comes to governance and science etc.[8]

In view of such integration, Christian theologians accept the ‘ever-changing’ and ‘evolutionary’ grounds of thought. They visualize with regards to the tragedy they have experienced during the process of inducing rationalism with Christian doctrines back from the 17^th century till 19^th century a life that is consistently ever-changing. The process of change and constantly evolving became part of the evolutionary process of human history.[9] This idea of ‘change’ can be related to the story of Sisyphus.[10] With that, they reinterpret religion as ‘constantly changing’, imposing on Christian doctrines to ‘update and change’ in accordance to contemporary event, which is why we see the Bible constantly changing, having different versions of every era and event, to mark the reformation of Christianity as a religion aligned to the spirit of the times.[11]

Let us then study the components of the Western concept of Existence. As discussed in the Suffah circle, we have identified a few concepts that represents Western contemporary thought of existence. The concepts are:

Concept of God in the mind

They view themselves as an observer in this reality that is constantly changing. Being an observer, they view themselves, as individuals, as an existence too. When they observe a divine entity known as God, they describe God as a questionable existence. Thus, God becomes an imaginative belief[12]. Therefore, the term, ‘Cogito Ergo Sum’ used by Rene Descartes, a French philosopher (1596-1650) which is translated as ‘I think therefore I am’ is a reflection of man being their own Gods where the disenchantments of nature[13] frees man from its religious overtones, enabling man to act upon as it pleases in accordance to his needs and plans.

In conclusion, we learned in an intensive perspective, the historical process of Christianity, from a divine revelation brought by Jesus (Nabi Isa A.S), to the alteration of the divine revelation that made Jesus divine in the Congregation of Nicaea led by Roman Emperor Constantine, to the Dark age of Europe, and the introduction of the light of Islam that spurred the European Renaissance in the 12^th century, the rise of the Age of Reason that created uncertainty among the Christians which led to Secularization, to the reformed Christianity to align themselves with secularism stretching from the 17^th century till 19^th century, and how Christianity evolves itself to be the universal religion in contemporary times. May Allah guide us in our quest for siratul mustaqim. Amin.

[1] Refer to footnote 4 of Islam and Secularism

[2] Also known as Astro-Asiatic Age of Discovery, whereby explorers such as Ibn Sina gave rise to the earliest global trading network that spreads from the East of Europe all the way to the Southeast Asia. See John M. Hobson (2004), The Eastern Origins of Western Civilisation, p. 29-30.

[3] Islam and Secularism p.2

[4] An example of such confusion would be explaining Jesus as a man and a manifestation of God. While some Christian intellectuals may argue that God has the power to manifest as a man as an interpretation for mankind to understand God’s religion so that mankind can connect themselves to something that they can observe and commune, it is also God’s attributes to not do so, for God has the attributes as written in “Prolegomena to the Metaphysics of Islam” by Prof Naquib ‘To acknowledge God as Lord (rabb) means to acknowledge Him as Absolute King (malik), Possessor and Owner (sahib), Ruler, Governer, Master, Creator, Cherisher, Sustainer” (p.63) In view of this, how can God be represented by a living man when God is the Creator? How can Jesus be Divine when Jesus is a form of creation (makhluk) whereas God is the Creator?

[5] Refer to Islam and Secularism p.2

[6] Referring to Islam and Secularism p.3 “They went so far as to assert events in the West, that secularization has its roots in biblical faith and is the fruit of the Gospel and, therefore, rather than oppose the secularizing process, Christianity must realistically welcome it as a process congenial to its true nature and purpose”

[7] A representation of love, tranquil, freedom, peace, fairness and equality.

[8] To be more detailed, it is also known that while Christians preserve religion as an entity of peace and virtue, technology and governance is also carried out based on contemporary events. Meaning to say, Christianity is seen as just a belief and not a way of life (concept of Ad-Din) which differs with Islam, where governance, science and technology are based on the divine revelations of the Quran and Hadith, and the knowledge of the ulamas. When it comes to beliefs and virtue, they refer to the Church. But when it comes to science and governance, they refer to contemporary ideas. It is in this synchronization of two absolutely conflicting ideas that greatly attributes to the confusion in liberal Muslims.

[9] Islam and Secularism, p.4 states “...as part of the irreversible process of ‘coming of age’, of ‘growing up’ to ‘maturity’ when they will have to ‘put away childish things’ and learn to have ‘the courage to be’”.

[10] Greek mythology, son of Aeolus and founder and king of Corinth. Renowned for his cunning, he was said to have outwitted even Death. For his disrespect to Zeus, he was condemned to eternal punishment in Tartarus. There he eternally pushed a heavy rock to the top of a steep hill, where it would always roll down again. The process of ‘pushing the rock up the hill and the rock falls, and pushing it back up’ depicts the ever constant changes that a man must face. Hence, a man sees ‘change’ as an act of nature.

[11] Refer to written assignments of Dr Wan Azhar Wan Ahmad, IKIM, under the subject ‘Islam and the Challenges of Secularism and Westernisation’ p4-6

[12] It is like describing a pink ponytail as a ‘horse that has wings, pink in colour and has a horn.’ But the question is, is it real? Is it in existence?

[13] Refer to Prolegomena to the Metaphysics of Islam, p.25. This term is used by German Sociologist Max Weber and is described as Prof Naquib as ‘one of the components of secularisation’.

Parting friend

2009-10-30T00:08:00.005+08:00

I was in a grief mood.

Finally my track shoe who has served me very well for almost 5 years drew its last breath as I was preparing for yet another solitude journey to the darkness.

It was a heartbreaking moment for me.

I mean, it was like how the Strawhat Pirates had to part with Going Merry by burning the ship as it sailed silently after much adventures together due to a unforgiving damage sustained.

So I took the sole of the shoe, carved out the names that I myself etched upon its rubber surface, put it inside my pocket, and I ran.

Went past Teck Whye, bypass the SCDF building, onwards towards my old school at Hong Kah Primary School, stood there at the fence and ponder for a bit, before running at the whole stretch to Jurong, make a right turn to Chinese Garden and stop over to the lake.

It doesn't feel nice running with my army shoe- its kinda abit too tight and my feet feels like it is in some Nazi gas chamber or something.

It was nice to feel free again. And I know, my beloved shoe had to pass. I mean, all creations have 'fanaq' characteristics right? What is created is destroyed.

Thank you, my trusted friend, for that awesome mental 5 years of running. You made me realise that freedom is entrusted upon self, as long as you have the guts to wear them, and take off.

You taught me how to fly, when I feel desperately low.

See you in strawberry fields man. Love ya holmes.

Oasis- Im Outta Time

If I have to go..

In my heart you grow..

And that's where you belong.

Absolutely mental, 5 years. Im gonna run with you, just you and me, like old times, on the strawberry fields, past the Halloween bush, through the rainbow peels, and off to the Gate. :)

folding the pages of destiny

2009-10-08T23:08:00.007+08:00

In life, one must always remember the moments he has been through, gone through, and live through, despite the ups and downs.

I was being mental these couple of weeks, having rough memory glitches that reverberated in my strawberry brain. And it was the pre, present and post affairs of my ugly birthday that made a paradigm shift in my life.

I decided to be loving.

Exactly on the 5th October relatively 8.26am in the morn

ing, I was awakened by the thoughts of the meaning of love. And all it took was the nudging of this shrewd man with no hair.

Love is a circle.

It goes up and down, and all around.

Infinite in distance

Everlasting in time

No size can hold it

Even a tiny dot

Or a sphere the size of the sun

All orbiting in a circular blot

It is for everyone

be it the boat trees of summer

a day to remember

that love is for all

that is for all to recall

And for that, the monster in me murmured to salvation. And I felt so free.

I was flying, gliding, teleporting to a world beyond doubt, magical..

People are angry because the love. They work because they love. They cry because they love. They shake hands because they love. They fly because they love. Fishes swim because they love.

And thus, it is not the attributes of Akbar (Mighty) nor Ghafur (Forgiving) or Malik (All Powerful) but..

It is the Ar-Rahman nur Rahim (In the name of God, most Gracious, most Compassionate) that starts the clock of actions of all mankind and matter.

It is then translated to me, as Love.

And as I pushed the 6 boats that symbolises our love, it bobbed up and down against the ripples of the river, some upturned, others went on and on, the candle light burning within that paper boat became a beam of what we define love. However, a particular boat, which hold on to the dreams we share, went through the water drops. At first I thought that the boat will sink.

It went through, and still stayed a float.

Love is a circle.

It is meant to be that way.

mountains or any hurdle

it is for us to make it stay. :)

Enjoy my rendition of what I feel.

Deras hati ku berdetar
Di langit aku terlihat kamu
Terang malam teman kita
Dengan angin meniup sayu..oh..

Ku petir gitar akustik ini
Dengan harapan dia mendengar
Melodi indah yang ku cipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya

Dan aku terus menyanyikan lagu ini untukmu
Walau berjuta mendengar
Lagu ini hanyalah untuk mu
Arah hidup kita
Tergapai bintang di angkasa
Berkelip melukis cinta
Terciptalah lagu kita..

Melodi indah yang ku cipta
Hanya untuk luahkan rinduku padanya?

Dan aku terus menyanyikan lagu ini untukmu
Walau berjuta mendengar
Lagu ini hanyalah untuk mu
Arah hidup kita
Tergapai bintang di angkasa
Berkelip melukis cinta
Terciptalah lagu kita..

Terciptalah lagu..kita..

Truth and Deceit

2009-08-29T13:44:00.003+08:00

Fasting month is indeed tough.

I tried restraining myself from every argument I faced, be it on facebook about metaphysical aspects of Islam, be it on the forum pages in yahoo, or anywhere.

But yesterday alhamdulilah, the outcome is a good one.

It is always a good outcome if you refer it all to the Omnipotent One, start it out with the right adab, so that the fires of the heart is not expelled. And even if it does, it is expelled out on the pretense of restraining khianah and angst in the heart, which according to our Mualim, like 'a poison dagger stab through the heart.'

It has always been islamising the process of our thinking. And carry it out with full of akhlak, adab, iman and ikhsan.

Only then can our love be amplified towards the betterment of the ummah, insya'allah.

Other than that, I hope in 4 years time Yoko churns out to be like Lady Gaga. She is absolutely hot!!!!! :p

swimming in the juice

2009-08-23T01:35:00.003+08:00

ARSENAL WON!! WOHOOOO~

I should be guilty for saying so much about Diaby. But hey, seriously, we are heading to a good start this season. Although I still insist on them bucking up on defensive, like perhaps getting a good strong midfielder, or still get a strong striker that can hold up the ball at frontline, or perhaps, just a stroke of individual brilliance.

Of course, im talking about getting:

1) Lionel Messi
2) Vandervart
3) Xavi

These players can make it happen. :D

I can't sleep. I had too much weird dreams at the moment. And I have this sudden random feeling of flying to yoko's house and take her for a flight to the moon.

~~~

As I stared and look at the stars, I asked the Angel. "What is it that is empty between the stars?"

The Angel answered, with such strength and wisdom, she said, "It is the ignorance of those who ignore the stars and beyond."

The flower pot stood still like a sullen shadow, casting a grim smile as it drop a few petals on the strawberry grass.

The boy stood aghast at such words. Words that shall haunt him for the rest of his life.

To shave! pussy cat!

2009-08-18T20:44:00.003+08:00

Camp was a blast I guess.. but seriously I think without the likes of Harold and Kumar there won't be much of a fun! HAHA!

And to think that Harold even went to my grand dad's house to read tahlil with my family. Although I must say it seems a bit odd to bring a friend, but his my best friend, so I guess that will do.

I came across an opportunity when Mr Faizal of Mendaki came to give us a talk on Mendaki. Although it is not the first time im listening to Mendaki's programme, nor its the first time im hearing people enquiring about Mendaki's loan programmes and even *ahem ahem* its rather edgy criterias. But rather, im interested on the fact that it gave me just the idea to initiate something.

I was hoping I could work out two major initiatives that I deemed to be my long term projects:

1) Create a platform where passionate Malay volunteering leaders are trained to be good volunteer leaders to carry out and spread the knowledge of volunteerism to the community. I envisioned myself as the forerunners who brought the understanding of the purpose of knowledge as a holistic approach to solve the problems in our Malay community. Henceforth, in order to do so, we must create a breed of volunteers trained to inspire, develop, and nurture more leaders. Thus, a focused project that focuses primarily on the development of volunteer leaders would certainly inject 'quality' rather than 'quantity'.

2) Create a blueprint in which Muslims can manifest upon the 'RAHMATIL LIL ALAMIN' fund that was created recently by MUIS. Perhaps there could exist a linking bridge between the donated funds of RLA and the zakat recipients of FISABILILLAH and RIQAB. Insya'allah, further research would be carried out to identify the availability of such linkage. This is definitely helpful, as with increase of funds on these platform, perhaps there could exist a common platform for a 'Knowledge Fund' which is for every Muslim who wishes to pursue knowledge. It is important on my personal note, to have such a commodity for the Muslims in Singapore, to achieve the objectives of an ummah of excellance.

What I am basically referring to, is yes, the understanding or perhaps, the foundations of knowledge itself. The importance of knowledge in a community can be heard almost everywhere in the Muslim Worldview -from the first Surah that mentions, 'Read', through various biblical sources both quranic or hadith, to the enormity of philosophical theologies of education. However, much to our dismay, it is from that lack of understanding of the importance of knowledge that has brought about calamatic droughts to our already broken ummah. It was saddening to see many Malay/Muslin families still suffering with debts, broken societal bonds, and many other detailed rapture that has created an aura of negativity around the Malay/Muslim community here. It is upon this stereotype, or should I clearly define it as, a common stigma, that I see imperative to be discussed on an intellectual level, and act upon as such.

The importance of the understanding of knowledge can be broken down into a few major parts:

1) the influencing power of knowledge and its effects on the community
2) akhlak as a tool to master the powers of knowledge
3) the differentiation of knowledge (Western Ideas v/s Islamic Worldview) and how it is already influencing us and how it can influence
4) the relevance in understanding the importance of knowledge

It is only then, can I justify a story that was shared to me by someone.

THE LION AND THE PIG

The pig, having given birth to many piglings, decided to approach the lion who was taking a nap under a tree. The pig awakened the lion with an arrogant snort, "What are you doing Lion? Look at me, I have a lot of children! So one day I can rule this Island with it."

The Lion, truly oblivious with the pig's presence, merely murmured, "Look at my two sons. They are warriors."

Moral of the story?

Quality v/s Quantity. You give it a thought. :)

PS: Im still laughing at how Harold threw those balloons at him. Goodness, what pure brute and anger. HAHAHAHAHAHA! marah nampak? marah nampak? :p

and aku tak nak tgk G.I Joe. Merepek jer. Maner ade pompuan HOT masok army. Tengok dia pegang pistol jer cam seram, takot2 tertembak diri sendiri HAHAHA!

Now for some rock n' roll..

An Individual for the society

2009-08-15T01:46:00.003+08:00

I cannot sleep. I am still thinking about the many questions in my brain.

How can I be possible to help others when I alone am not good enough for it?

Many would say that it is my selfish attempt, perhaps an excuse, to explain my lack of societal responsibilities.

Actually, I dun care what people would say.

Somebody wise told me, you would be judge by God as an individual and not as a collective group of individuals. Needless to say, it is my own actions, my actions alone, that will determine the outcome of my ambiguous life.

So im now asking myself again. What is my purpose in this life?

And I need to stick to it. No point influencing others, sharing them what are my thoughts, when they themselves do not understand. No point blabbering about socio politics and islamic perspectives in a society when I myself am wronged and imperfect. No point trying to convince others to see the dual-partner of an angle in order to achieve some sort of understanding. No point.

Simply because, Im not good enough. And I am deviating, and keep deviating, from my purpose in this world.

I am but a small dirt in the eyes of God. :(

Hati hiba mengenangkan dosa2 yg ku lakukan,
Oh Tuhan Maha Kuasa,
Terima taubat hamba berdosa...

Ku akui kelemahan diri,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x.....
Taubatku ini.....

Telah aku merasakan derita jiwa dan perasaan,
Kerana hilang dari jalan menuju redhaMu ya Tuhan.

Ku akui kelemahan ini,
Ku insafi kekurangan ini,
Ku kesali kejahilan ini,
Terimalah 3x...
Taubatku ini...

ignorance lies in blindness

2009-08-05T22:10:00.004+08:00

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I feel crap. Sometimes I just want to be among the ignorant.

Today I choose to be ignorant. Only today.

And I pity those people who do not appreciate others, especially to those who put their heart and soul to it. I pity them for being blinded by their selfish greeds and incomprehensible methodology of thinking. I pity them for not having the zest, spirit, industriously-gaining, forward-looking and the will to see more than just a form of matter.

I pity you. I pray that Allah open your heart and let you see what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel.. And in time.

You'll understand what is truly hidden, what is truly forbidden, and what is truly real.

Now for some good ol' rock and roll to shove away the blues...

TURN UP THE SUN

I carry a madness
Everywhere I go
Over the border
and back to the snow

So if you see me
and I look right through
You shouldn't take it
as a reflection on you

Come on, turn up the sun
Turn it up for everyone

Love one another
Love one another

The boys in the bubble
They wanna be free
They got so blind
That they cannot see

But I'm not your keeper
I don't have a key
I got a piano
I can't find the 'C'
Come one, turn up the sun
Turn it up for everyone

Love one another
Love one another

Come on, turn up the sun,
Turn it up, for everyone

Love one another,
Love one another.

So much for "LOVE ONE ANOTHER".. bullshit.

O Heedless Soul

2009-08-02T17:43:00.001+08:00

Taken from Nash's blog (http://benash69.blogspot.com), it struck me very very deep.

Enjoy. :)

O Heedless Soul,how fooled are You?
You came into this World with Having Nothing
Yet You claim to be Superior
Shame on You

Arrogance and Pride defines You
In Your Pocket,filled with Money
None is spend wisely in the Way of God
You foolishly claim that You're Rich

You came from Clay and end up with Clay
You thought all Along,You were Clean
Not Knowing That You are just filled with Filth
You still want to have Claims about Yourself?

God asked that You praised His Beloved s.a.w
But You idolize All the Others except Him s.a.w
You shouted Out Names of Artists
But when comes to Saluting Him,Your Mouth Freeze

You furnishes Your Outer Self with Materialism
Yet Your Inner Soul still continue to Darken with Time
Your Thoughts are filled with Worldly Desires
Of the Hereafter,You care Not

You boasts of Your Wealth and Ranking
So Dumbed that You failed to Realize that

You are just of No Worth

You give No Credits to the Almighty

Who Gives You Sufficient Provisions to make You Sustainable

A Strawberry Poem For Yoko

2009-08-01T18:39:00.006+08:00

Imagine a world without fear

where all of the realms of the roses collide

in clouds of alchemy and dust

and strawberry drops pitter pattering down on our necks

and strawberry puddles to ponder

Imagine a world without love

where all the darkness shudder

in clouds of alchemy and dust

and strawberry drops battering down on our necks

and strawberry puddles to wonder

Imagine a world without you

I cannot bear such a strawberry delight...

Hallows v/s Horcruxes

2009-07-30T13:55:00.004+08:00

I finished reading all 10 books including my fav Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, not to mention the thick book my dad gave it to me called, "Tasawuf and Science" as material resource for my students. Frankly speaking, its really tough and stressful to be in front of many mu'allafs that are of different background, each having their own questions. They are like small children- curious about the religion that bore on them. However, few would make my mind go fuzzy with difficult questions like, "How do you explain Muhammad's ascend to God with respect to Science?" and "If Muhammad is ascending, then is God above us? If that's the case, then who guards the bottom?" It is in such that I find difficulties, especially when it involves the metaphysics of it. One wrong answer, and poof! I'll be questioned by Him at thereafter. Haha!

Good thing I have dad to help me out. He taught me alot. Especially how he views God and us. And how far are we from Him. Distance, in this situation, would then be defined as our knowledge of Him. Sometimes when my students asked too much questions about the Omnipotent One, especially the metaphysical perspective, I would point the question back at them. Who are we to know the secrets of God, when we are sinned? It is thus, imperative, to look into ourselves and then try and find the essence of God in us.

I find completing the Harry Potter series an ambitous attempt to seek the philosophical value of it. I always question myself, the Horcruxes, the Deathly Hallows, Love and Hate, all a mere hidden symbols to what we define as life. A person splits his soul into 7 different beings to gain immortality? How about we view it in this manner? A person splits his soul into 7 different negative characters in his quest to gain perfection? So let's then discuss the 7 evil beings.

1) Anger
2) Jelousy
3) Love for the Earthly Pleasures
4) Riya' -proud in action
5) Takkabur- making comparisons between us and people
6) Love for Complimentaion
7) Boastful

These characteristic would surely split our soul and make us evil, unworthy of God.

However, it is said that the Deathly Hallows, 3 remarkable magical items, can destroy the Horcruxes. How about we say, 3 remarkable characteristics that can help us in understanding and embracing God.

1) Iman - Faith
2) Islam - Syari'ah
3) Ikhsan - Love and empathy

Thus, with these hallows, one can surely surpass the advent of evil sparked in our hearts.

I know this may sound weird, but, let's just say, in every idea, there is a hidden code of God. It can either unite us, or simply break us. :)

Enough of values.

I remember texting my Yoko about eloping. I told her, "I just feel like kidnapping you right now and run away to explore life that awaits us."

She replied, "Well, that'll be the most craziest thing we'd gonna do."

Love is a curiously crazy little potion, I must say..

SWEET! :D

Taking a ship with niat

2009-07-24T10:27:00.005+08:00

After 4 days of companionship, it got me into thinking of something unperturbed. And thus I seek an advise from my mum.

All she did was say, "Pray to Allah, and redha. And continue."

It was a blessing that I knew would come in handy in times of crisis.

And I knew the journey to seek the truth we have embarked together won't come cheap and easy. So I entrusted this to Allah, and will try my very best to serve as His slave.

I knew she is the one. And fits perfectly. Like a jigsaw puzzle.

And here I am blogging while listening to my mum reading the quran. Haha!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I asked her, "Ma, what is it in the Quran that you see?"

She replied in an almost trance-like, "I am reading the soul of the Quran. Not the kalimah."

Moral of the story? Read with your heart, and not just your brain. :)

And..

When you see the world, don't just see it with your eyes. When you hear the sounds of the world, don't just listen with your ears. When you touch the painted illusions of the world, don't just touch it with your hands. When you commune with the world, don't just talk with your mouth. When you sniff on the array of fragrances of the world, don't just smell it with your nose. It is in such that makes you blind.

What you need is to see with your heart. Smell with your heart, taste, hear, talk, and touch it with. And soon you'll realise you are in total communion with your soul. And of course, the soul of the world.

On the other hand..

I’m seeing a whole
Nother world in my mind
girl I'm feeling
an' breathing in love all the time

you turn me on, love’s like a bomb, blowing my mind
you turn me on, love’s like a bomb, blowing my mind

am i reaching the world
that i want deep inside
girl i mean it
and you hold the key to the shrine

cos turn me on, love’s like a bomb, blowing my mind
you turn me on, love’s like a bomb, blowing my mind

A milestone

2009-07-21T08:27:00.002+08:00

After a year plus long battle against finding my own identity and proper placing in this world..

After a year plus long battle in search of an essence of humanity..

After a year plus long battle to free myself from my own cage..

I am at last..

Longed..

It is a thus, a blessed moment I shall never forget. It is the greatest feeling. I always wished that I was longed. I knew God longed for me as how I longed for Him. But coming from a human's heart... Truly a magical miracle. :)

I have found my own Yoko Ono.

And we shall walk through the rainbow peels, unperturbed by the icy winds that continued floating the air.

A confession

2009-07-20T09:51:00.002+08:00

Afgan – Bukan Cinta Biasa (OST Bukan Cinta Biasa)

Kali ini kusadari
Aku telah jatuh cinta
Dari hatiku terdalam
Sungguh aku cinta padamu

Cintaku bukanlah cinta biasa
Jika kamu yang memiliki
Dan kamu yang temaniku seumur hidupku

Terimalah pengakuanku
Percayalah kepadaku
Semua ini kulakukan
Karena kamu memang untukku

Cinta ku bukan cinta biasa
Jika kamu yang menemani
Dan kamu yang temaniku seumur hidupku
Terimalah pengakuanku

This is my confession. :)

You Are My Magic Pie- An Euphoria Of Rock n Roll

2009-07-18T10:28:00.005+08:00

A written thought of a certain strain of randomness.
Inspired by: Oasis, Magic Pie, 04:15 to 05:13, and staring at a filtered screen.

A taste of tasteless affinity.
A strum of melodious soul.
An endless search of the limitless unlimited.
And here we are standing in this strawBEERy fields.
Running across the rainbow peels.
Casting no shadow nor light.

In the eye of a thousand corridors.
Each with a thousand doors.
Each with a thousand holes to peek.
Hail the curiosity of tainted illusions forever seek.
Indeed as such lies love on a silver screen.

And I do not need marijuanas to be high enough to be in my strawberry fields. It sort of creep into my mind like a sign of a once-hidden time never before climbed. And all I did was take a bite on my magic pie that makes me wanna fly in the sky so high. My magic pie. :)

The more I see the less I know for sure. ~ John Lennon

Just trying to find my Yoko Ono to play on my strawberry swing in the fields that never seen to possess the capsule of time. Time melts. Morning brews. And till then, the sky will always be blue. Then we can sit under the strawberry tree and wander among the dreams of tomorrow. (adapted from The Angel, the Rose and Me)

Im weird. Im told. And I love it.

Now to dwell on my imagination...

Who kicks a hole in the sky, so the heavens will cry over me..
Who stole the soul from the sun, in a world come undone at the seams..

It seems to me the 'Who' is actually a thing. A human heart. Perhaps my view has changed. Humans are walking things. They are the transporter, carrier of the 'thing' that makes them human. But so many people have yet to see it as I do. If they do, perhaps, the world would be a better place for you and for me.

A wish that has been granted

2009-06-26T10:40:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah! All praises to the Great Omnipotent One, who surpasses time and power, wealth and desire, knowledge and truth!

I am beginning to understand the hidden path beneath my feet in which Allah has set upon for me to plunder my way through the relentless pursuit to Him.

The journey will be long and tiring, and as I hugged my mum, tears welled up, only a spoken truth that was whispered into my ear.

"Oh Allah, grant my son the ease of his burden in his quest for your Love. Grant my son the best of paths in his quest to walk on your Siratul Mustaqim. Grant my son the peace of mind, the strength of tranquility, in his journey to gain knowledge and wisdom, and your Love. And grant all of us a place in Paradise. Amin."

It is in this doa that made me strong. It is in this doa, that I understand and embrace the one fact of life, so important, so highly regarded, until it is mentioned in the Quran so many times.

"The key to Paradise is beneath the feet of your beloved mother."

It is in this makbul doa, that I understand the power of tawaqal. And indeed, Allah has shown His Sight of the Unknown.

I spoke to her. I told her, that I'll make everyone proud. I'll be a hasanah to this family, and the generations beneath me. I'll be a good role model to my brothers, to my cousins, to my children, and my children's children.

So right now, I have a wonderful 6 months to self-reflect. To reposess the spirit to learn. To serve the purpose that was given to me.

Rahmatil lil a'lamin.

"the mercy to all worlds."

Perhaps, even before I step into the realm of Palestine, I should begin my tiny baby steps by focusing on the understanding of knowledge in my society first.

So I am now extending my arms and plead to all. Who shares the same vision as how I envisioned this world to be?

Who shares the same purpose as how I deemed myself to be?

Who shares the same love and compassion as how I am starting to be?

Who shares the same spirit of desire to spread love and knowledge to all worlds as how I am dwelling in to be?

Who shares the same sorrow as how I am facing now?

Who shares the same burden as how I am beginning to feel the weight of the world on my feeble shoulders?

If it is you..

Then I will sincerely say, that you are as special as I am. And because of that, I love you.

Allah huma anna!

A Masterplan

2009-06-22T10:20:00.003+08:00

God has a Masterplan for all of us- be it the living small minuscule ant crawling on the wall, or the huge mountain standing still for thousands of years.

Like how he has a Masterplan for me to be almost late, and test me if I remember Him. I woke up late yesterday, with only 10 min to:

1) clean my room (which I failed to do every day haha)
2) bathe
3) pack my meal for lunch (heng ader mak tolong)
4) iron my working clothes (heng ader mak tolong)
5) dressed up (heng baju dah tergantung)
6) eat breakfast (heng ader mak tolong)

I am totally useless haha!

But I manage to keep it all before 15 min, and tried walking as fast as I could. However, as I was walking, I noticed the sky moving so slow and steady. What ran into my mind was an immediate appreciation of the presence of the Divine, and I prayed to God to help me. And if He were to make me late, then it is ok cause ultimately it was my fault. (however I choose to blame my alarm clock. But no worries now, I have a new one hehe)

And suddenly I walked slowly. And steadily.

At 8.55am sharp, when I just reached the bus stop, the 190 bus came. Alhamdulillah.

There wasn't a traffic jam. Alhamdulillah.

I reached work at 9.20am. Alhamdulillah.

And surely, I was blind. Blinded by His overwhelming power to dictate the course/movement of the universe.

Moral of the story?

Submission to the absolute power of the Omnipotent one, followed by ikhtiar, and then tawaqal. From tawaqal, we redha. And then only we have a peace of mind, knowing that we are in His grace. :)

PS: blushing while laughing is the most cutest attribute a person can ever have :D (this song is for you, kan sedap kan? haha! zaman kekentalan dulu)

oh ya, for my brother samir. This one is for you.

Have you ever wondered?
Why must we serve..

Because we love our land..
And we want it to be free, to be free... YAH!!!

I love those army days... brings back all the memories..

How the seargant f*** me up so hard I almost cried in anguish. How we had to tahan the 8km fast march while fasting..

How we were pumped all the time, even when we are almost booking out...

Can't wait for the next ICT. I am sure I'd enjoy it. But not the carry-the-equipment part la hehe.

Baik CPL Samir. Hehe. Now give me twenty. :p

My Personal Thoughts on the topic 'Longing for the Divine' by Sheikh Hisham Kabbani

2009-06-16T11:09:00.004+08:00

I attended the 'Longing for the Divine' seminar hosted by the Naqshbandi-Haqqani Sufi Order, with speaker the wise and gracious Sheikh Hisham Kabbani, chairman of the Islamic Supreme Council of America and the Sufi Muslim Council, and also a disciple of more than 50 years under Sheikh Nazim Al-Qubrusi, Leader of the Naqshbandi-Haqqani Sufi Order. Here is a brief insight into the concepts of what defines to him as 'Longing for the Divine'.

To begin, I would like to share a wonderful poem by Jalaluddin Al-Rumi, famous mystician, sufi, and poet.

I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die as Man, to soar
With angels bless'd; but even from angelhood
I must pass on: all except God doth perish.
When I have sacrificed my angel-soul,
I shall become what no mind e'er conceived.
Oh, let me not exist!
for Non-existence Proclaims in organ tones,
To Him we shall return.

This poem showed the true purpose of a human being, born into this disillusioned world of fear, pain, and perhaps, lies.

To search for Allah, the Omnipotent One, the Most Gracious, Most Merciful. God of all Gods. God of all Universe.

But do we long for him, or is it actually Him that longs for us?

According to Sheikh Hisham, it is Allah that longs for us. Allah makes it clear in Surah 50 Al Qaf, Verse 16 that: “It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his soul makes to him: for We are nearer to him than his jugular vein.” This verse illustrates and beautifully explains the position of our relationship and the closeness to our Creator and Him to us which must be realized for our guidance and transformation.

Allah gave us His beloved messengers, to reach out to us, to call us to remember Him, to Love Him. But does that make him dependant on our love? Certainly not.

“God created all things and He is the agent on which all things depend.” (Quran 39:62)

But do remember, that He creates all life, be it matter or non-matter, for a single purpose. To be known. In a Hadis Qudsi, Allah mentioned,

“Kuntu kanzan makhfiyya, fa aradtu an u’raf fa khalaqtu al-khalq" which means, "I am a treasure that is hidden. I seek to be found and thus I create."

Creation is fundamentally the consequence of the divine attribute of being the Creator. A creator who does not create is something of a contradiction in terms. This is not to say that God needs His creation. God is free from all needs. It is creation which needs Him. But, as the greatness of a writer becomes apparent in his writings, the perfection of the divine creative attribute is manifest in creation. Creation in the true sense is unique to God alone. Although humans ascribe the act of creation to themselves, what they do is not true creation. Humankind merely manipulates what already exists - what was already created by God.

And thus, Sheikh Hisham mentions, a few concepts or perhaps, structures, in which we all can achieve that one goal. To long for the divine, as how He longs for us.

The main process in which a human soul must take a paradigm shift to achieve that longing towards the divine would be the process of purification. It is then one can obtain the title 'insan kamil' or pure human. When a human soul possess that desire to change, to move, to illustrate, and perhaps, to soar, few concepts must be applied in order to sustain such flight.

Concept of Hasanah

In the Quran, Allah mentioned:

"Rabbana Atina fiddunya hasanataw wa fil Aakhirati hasanataw wa kin adhabannaar."

"Our Lord! Give us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the punishment of the fire."

Qur'an - Suratul Baqara 2:201

Sheikh Hisham's definition of hasanah, in which many would define it as 'mercy', 'saviour', 'goodness', is simply the Prophet himself, Rasulullah SAW. In the Quran, Allah mention:

"We have only sent you as a mercy to all the worlds." (Surat al-Anbiya': 107)

This word, mercy, can only be referred to our beloved Prophet SAW!! Masya'allah. And thus, it was even mentioned, in the quran, 33:56-

"Surely, Allah and His angels send blessings to the Prophet. O you who believe, do pray Allah to bless him, and send your Salam (prayer for his being in peace) to him in abundance."

Thus, the definition of hasanah is in fact the potrayal of obedience and love for our Mualim. It is in him, Muhammad pbuh, that we need to confer in order to gain that longing for Allah. It is in this certain unique man, this Habibullah, that we need to love in order to be loved by Allah. And thus, we need to salawat as much as we can. Show the akhlak as exemplified by the Prophet himself. Do volunteer work, and hold obedience to his teachings. He holds the key to Allah's grace.

Hasanah is actually the syafa'ah given by Allah through the Prophet Muhammad. It is thus, encouraged among us, to salawah as much as we can, so that in yaumul kiamah, on Allah's will, we are able to receive Muhammad's (pbuh) syafa'ah.

Concept of Ikhlas

Sheikh Hisham mentioned about the ritualistic act of obedience to Allah that must be accompanied by the essence of sincerity. He related his idea with a example from the sirah of Rabiatul Adawiyah. After her husband died, she relentlessly prayed to Allah, gave up dunia in search of Allah's grace. It is in her total obedience that worried the ulamas at that time. This was because she is a widowed, and they urged her to be married, for security reasons. She affirmly declined, stating that she do not have time for marriages. Simply because she feels her istighfar is not enough. When asked why, she simply mentioned that her first istighfar is not sincere, so she istighfar again, and she then feels that her second istighfar is not as sincere as the first, and thus she istighfar again, and still she feels it is not sincere enough.

Therefore, sincerity must be the major factor in any rituals that we do in our daily lives, in order to achieve that longing for Allah.

Concept of Reflection

Tasawuf is actually a derivation of the word, 'suf' meaning pure, or clear. Sheikh Hisham encourages us to learn to punish our hearts, and reflect ourselves infront of the mirror, on the things we have done, internally and externally. Self-reflection holds the power to soften our raging hearts, diminishing every flames of earthly desire. Henceforth, we need to educate our hearts, keep telling them not to rebel.

Concept of Conspire

This is an obstacle. According to Sheikh Hisham, one who conspire and backstabbing another ummah will be the biggest obstacle in the path towards Allah. He mentioned about how a man in yaumul kiamah, who was oppressed by another man. The opressed then complains to Allah, and thus Allah the Most Just took away the opressor's good deeds and gave to the opressed. Still, the opressed is not satisfied. Thus Allah took away his bad deeds and gave to the opressor. And Allah asked, is this enough? Are you satisfied? The opressed thus was satisfied. Allah ordered him to forgive the opressor. And after the opressed forgave that sinned man, Allah said, "Do you think that you are more merciful than I am? I forgive this sinned man, and put him in Paradise."

Masya'allah!

However, one must realised that if you do bad things to God, He is All Merciful and will forgive you, but if you do bad things to a fellow human, you must ask forgiveness from the person. And as the person's mercy is limited, thus it is important for all to consider the effects of Hablum minan nas. The relationship from man to man is thus, imperative in our journey.

Concept of Movement

A person from the crowd posed a question regarding the Sheikh's perspective on Jalaludin Al-rumi's theory of uplifiting.

Sheikh Hisham explained in terms of metaphysics.

In this world and more, everything is moving. From the largest celestial body, to the tiniest atom. Moving at a certain speed. Some constant. Others going faster. Others decelerating. But the question to ponder would be, where are we heading?

Movement, thus, is an attribute of a creation, drawing closer towards the Perfect One, Allah the Mighty. But then, another question would surface. How do we make ourselves, body and soul, all moving towards a unified path?

If we are able to do so, the amount of energy possessed by the person is a strong as an atom. The smaller, the faster the electrons circulating around an axis, the stronger the intermolecular forces of attraction. And since according to Newton, energy cannot be created, it can be converted, thus, this energy, constant as the Omnipotent, can be converted. As we make ourselves smaller, shedding our earthly desires, our mind, our flesh, and leaving nothing but Allah's existence, then our energy is directed to a unified path to the divine.

It is thus said, that a quiet humble man proves more powerful and mysterious, than a loud mouthed man.

Concept of Interaction

It is imperative for us to accept that a creation's attribute is that, he is dependant on another creation. Sheikh Hisham mentioned that sustaining a healthy relationship between your parents, your neighbours, your family, your friends, and the ummah as a whole is another factor to gain divinity. By helping one another, smiling, donating, sharing, and more, we not only help our community to grow healthy, but also to educate our heart to have ikhsan. Ikhsan can be defined in many forms; through akhlak, amar makruf, nahi mungkar etc. It can be with just a smile. It can be by loving one another.

Sheikh Hisham stressed the importance of love. Love can be a simple word, but a person can also view it in a sophisticated way. And yet, although love come in many mannerisms, love is still love. It is in the understanding, feelings, communication, and then the actions that we do. A lot of people misunderstood this word. Many of them confers this to just feelings. But it is more. If a person loves another person because of feelings, than it is not love. But if a person loves another person on the basis of understanding the needs, the holistic character, the personality, the will, the knowledge, and the sincerity of the person, than it is more than love.

My Personal Thoughts

I remember embracing myself, with red eyes and wet cheeks, hoping to catch a glimpse of myself amidst the tyranny of my own monster. The notion in which the Sheikh shared to us, was simply God-send. Indeed, if you were to prepare it with a paper and a pen, it would be, as mentioned by the Sheikh, as the egoistical personality that would be talking. But if it was not prepared, perhaps, or maybe, it is the heart that speaks.

And indeed my heart was talking and communing. I find myself in peace. Having that knowledge of God as the One, and always depending on him, conferring to him for help and mercy, I am suddenly transported into a dimension whereby I feel I am me.

Sheikh Hisham mentioned about sacrifices. About how this longing does not come cheap. I wonder how much more must I sacrifice to attain this love.

But ultimately, alhamdulilah, I feel I am becoming a better man. May God bless us all, amin!

PS: Mun'ish was a success! (as how we logistic peeps would have seen it haha) cause i think we did our part very well, having all the things required. I would like to thank all for the support. And hope that the passion to serve to the community does not die out. Cuz I am certain mine won't. :) insya'allah!

And to my very best friend, Samir Syirazi. You went through all the ups and downs. And like a loyal soldier, you stood beside me despite my occasional 'sarjan-like' attitude that might have irritated you. Thank you my friend. I hope Allah put you in His Grace, and I hope when you're there in yaumul kiamah, trying to save 70 people to Paradise, please do not forget to save me. For I am certain I won't forget to save you. :)

To Nabila, for always giving me the positivity in this quest. I do not know why, but somehow or rather, I felt you were more stronger than me. It is not in the strength, but perhaps, your will in the path of sincerity that makes you one of the strongest female personnel I have ever witnessed. I hope this won't end here aite. :)

To my logistic team, Ahmad, Akmal and Fiqa, who stood beside me together as one, always willing to take the next step, and without fail, you have surprised me everytime with the achievements we did together as a team. We were like Santa Clause that day. Who says we lack teamwork???? :p rubbish!

To all the uncles and aunties that I have broken the amanah, I hope you peeps forgive me. Goodness, i still feel guilty for scraping alot of stuff. It was like, we gave you an economic hope, and then, we took it back. Of course you are all disappointed. So am I. So I hope you are all blessed.

To my Mun'ish representatives; Ustaz, Fad, Mai, Azmi, Awis, Amalina and many more. We were great. The collaboration was a success. See you in a few hours! I heard Amalina nak kasi kiter surprise. I tried to dig from her, tapi she is a really tough nut. Hahahaha! Nanti2, I kasi u Abg Ezra, confirm you blang kiter semuer hehe.

To my dearest mum and dad, who has continued to support me in this event. There were many issues that we did together as a family. I am very proud of all of us. May all of us be in His Blessings. And Happy Birthday Dad!!!!! :D

Now I can relax with my 'wife' or shud I say, my guitar. Hahahaha!

Next up, DANCING!!!!!! My adventure will never end. :p

a question.

2009-06-09T10:26:00.005+08:00

An excerpt from a novel yet to be published, "The Rose, the Angel, and Me."

I tried to place myself in a world without fear, without pain, and an alarming piece of jigsaw from a time without space nor gateway to relinquish the evil of men.

And as I sat in that dimension, eyes shut so tight, lips sealed like a kiss of death, I saw a green meadow with a garden of fresh fluer de liu, rasberries and morning dews. The trees were covered with Sundus of great mellow.

I opened my eyes and asked the Angel, who was staring at me with that alluring eyes of hers.

"Is it true that every men who yearns the pandora box of life must go through a path of solitude?"

The Angel, despite the unclear sky of doubt that was hovering above us, took my heart from that space and asked me," What does your heart says?"

I looked at the heart that was beating with a rythmn of relentless serenity. It was sparkling. I hold the beating heart close to my ear and asked, "What is the answer?"

The heart kept beating. There wasn't an answer.

Impatient, I asked the Angel again, "Is it true, that every.."

The Angel interrupted me with a smile.

"If you are not ready for an answer, then let it be. Just continue to close your eyes. And let it be. Just continue to walk. And let it be. Just continue to embrace. And let it be. Just continue to love. And let it be."

I chuckled at the last statement.

She took my hand and shook it.

"What was that for?", I asked.

She smiled, almost like a silent whisper,"Love is a mystery. Up on the silver screen. All in good time."

~~~

I pondered at her words as I saw the Angel blew the clouds of doubts away that grew storms of discontent.

All in good time.

Then I knew.

And so I prayed, arms wide open.

"Oh Lord of the Universe, have mercy, and give me the patience to seek the answers."

It is not until then, that I knew, it was not up to me to decide upon the questions, nor put judgement on the actions of what I desire. It was never up to me, nor people, not even the Angel. It was just Him. The Omnipotent One.

I think I am not ready. But my heart says differently. I leave it to God to make that decision. :)

Marry me Juliet.

God-conscious

2009-06-06T10:42:00.006+08:00

Past few days were a bitch.

With all the commotion of Logistics doing more than they are supposed to, I wonder why I even sign up for this.

Although I must admit I went in with only God as a purpose of salvation.

I remember overhearing my mum advising her students while I was on the com yesterday.

"God will test the ones He deem to be God-Conscious."

and

"Sedangkan orang mukmin akan berkata, Ya Allah, kenapa dikau tidak memberiku ujian? Adakah kau tidak mencintaiku lagi?"

I try to place my heart among the mukmins who are not scared of the likes of dunia.

It was a peaceful retreat.

And soon after Allah gave me solutions, hopes, and strength. I was red-eyed nearly the whole day at work upon seeing His undying Love for those who are patient. I placed all my fingers and pointed it back at me, and told God, that I do not deserve all this for I am sinned.

I love you ma.

I still remember the words you whispered in my ear before I left to work with a restored spiritual uplift.

"Setiap ujian ada hikmahnyer. Sebagai keluarga kita harus mengahdapi semua dengan hati yang ikhlas dan reda. Hanya dengan ujian Allah, kita mampu tahu bahwa Allah tetap mencintai kita. Mama doa agar semua anak2 mama mendapat kesenangan dalam menghadapi ujian Allah."

Alquran, surah Al-Insyirah, verse 4-5.

"So indeed with hardship is ease. Indeed with hardship is ease."

God himself has promised that. It is up to me to believe. And I believe you, oh God of the universe and beyond.

Something for me to ponder..

Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow

As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride

Here's a thought for every man
Who tries to understand what is in his hands
He walks along the open road of Love & Life
surviving if he can

Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to say
Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
and as faced the sun he cast no shadow

As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride
As they took his soul they stole his pride

And as he faced the sun he cast no shadow

Haki, or himma 'aliyya

2009-05-25T09:43:00.004+08:00

What does it take to sacrifice and protect your 'nakama'?

What does it take to be the best in the world?

What does it take to protect your dreams and ambitions?

The ans?

HAKI (覇気)

~willpower, ambition, drive, aspiration

On the authority of Abu Huraia ( may Allah be pleased with him ) that the Prophet ( may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him ) said :

" Whosoever removes a worldly grief from a believer, Allah will remove for him one of the griefs of the Day of Judgment. Whosoever alleviates (the lot of ) a need person, Allah will alleviate ( his lot) in this world and the next. Whosoever shields a Muslim, Allah will shield him in this world and the next. Allah will aid a servant (of His) so long as the servant aids his brother. Whosoever follows a path to seek knowledge therein, Allah will make easy for him path to Paradise. No people gather together in one of the houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying it among themselves, without tranquility descending upon them, mercy enveloping them, the angels surrounding them and Allah making mention of them amongst those who are with him. whosoever is slowed down by his actions will not be hastened foreword by his lineage .."

The Sufi way exists to know the incommensurability of the Divine. To do so the self must relinquish its position as the greatest thing in existence. Belief in the inevitability of destiny anticipates this in principle before one realizes it in the fullness of one’s path.

The context of this maxim is personal transformation from spiritual hypocrisy to spiritual sincerity (to fully submit to the Lord's will, and in doing so, we submit without asking anything in return).

Masters of the path are unanimous that to accomplish the change the aspirant must have high ambition (himma ‘aliyya), but it must be sublimated so that it becomes second nature; practiced and not thought about; there, but never looked at or depended upon.

Our own will is one of the plainest components of consciousness, and the desire to ascend to the Divine in a moment is probably native to every heart that has ever set out for Him. But the distance of the path lies precisely in realizing the ontological relation between our own contingent being and the necessary being of Allah, and if reaching God were subject to our will, it would not be subject to His, which is the opposite of illumination. The spiritual way must purify the traveller, by its very turns and length, of the illusion of being “master of his fate and captain of his soul,” in order to allow him to directly experience the divine omnipotence.

Allah says in a hadith qudsi,

“Man offends Me: he reviles Time, though I am Time; the command is in My hand, I turn over the nights and days.”

In conclusion?

Ikhtiar and Tawaqal. :)

PS: I personally believe by sleeping 11 hours it totally eliminates fatigue. I slept 11 hours yesterday right after work and solat isyak. Now look at me. I feel like Captain Planet. Powerla!

put on the reflection helmet

2009-05-22T10:15:00.001+08:00

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
-John Lennon

2009-05-22T00:39:00.003+08:00

I wish I can go for an adventure, right now.

Quit whatever Im doing ryt now. Screw uni. Screw DFS.

Just take up my lucky running shoes, some money, and run.

Keep running and see the world. Who knows people might follow me. And then more people.

I'll sleep somewhere, anywhere. Just need a credit card. And run. It'll be a the most dangerous and adventurous journey in my whole life, worth dying for.

After so many nights, the constellations are finally in place. I saw my star today. My star. Unfortunately, you are not there to see it too.

Mad World

2009-05-21T01:49:00.002+08:00

Im always suprised by what life has to offer to me.

Sometimes its like a yoyo, you're up way up, and then you fall so low, before you go up again.

I was so disappointed at myself for not able to get any sponsorship for the team. But Allah knows the best of intentions, and immediately He granted me an uplift of spirit, and told me to not give up.

And to think that the person who called me have a very close social network with me, I hardly could ever noticed it at all.

And God knows what will happen next. Perhaps going down again?

If im going down, I'll stand and pause and embrace.

If im up, I'll kneel down and pray.

And if im at the middle, I shall put my head on the ground and picture myself in a world of madness...

How the Somalians suffer from so much Civil Wars..
How the Palestinians suffer from the ignorance of the world, and the cruel treatment of the Zionist Jews who couldn't stop killing and oppressing and create de-developmentation of a weak Palestinian state..
How the American soldiers who fought in a war nobody would understand..
How the Prophet Muhammad PBUH as per a Hadith, would rush to the aid of his ummah during the awakening after kiamah, despite being naked without clothes even though a set of gold silk robes were already prepared for him..
How people would think of each other when chaos breaks loose..
How love and affection can change everything without realisation..
How the rich become richer, and the poor become poorer...

This is truly a mad world.

I love listening to Adam Lambert's version of it.

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had

PS: and thanks so much for the tuna puff, although Harold ate most of it. :p

The Kill

2009-05-15T23:17:00.002+08:00

I feel like killing someone.

Its been a roller coaster ride for me, the past few weeks. So many things to do, to think. Sometimes I wonder, should I just stop?

Went to samir's house to chill. Apparently, although we look like a bunch of mat malaysians slacking on the couch doing nothing but playing the,'kau nak ni ke yg tu?'game, I kinda like the feeling.

I went for a run this morning. I felt free.

So what's my definition of freedom now at this moment?

"To feel free."

The Stalker Strikes Again

2009-05-03T23:33:00.007+08:00

I got visits from that stalker again. This time, its frequent. Urgh.

I must admit her persistence in getting my attention kinda like goes up to alert amber. Im saying, its starting to freak me out. I mean no offense gurl, I don't even know you much, and I don't even know if you pray, which is like the first rule of the thumb. I dun take in girls that are simply:

1) a Muslim but does not live like a Muslim
2) dumb (intellectually dumb, not academically, its a big difference)
3) not cute (hehe)

So beat it. Period.

One more time im telling you i'd sent the dogs! (like I have dogs. Sheesh, im even scared to even look at them. Don't blame me. Blame my childhood past. Hehe)

I mean, she's nice and all. Buy me chocolates and all. Although I never eat them cuz Im coughing. Haha. But at least my collegues do get a taste of it. Makes them happy. HAHA!

But she has that stare that makes your hair tingle you know. Who knows she uses like, minyak dagu Made In The House By Bomoh that sort, and swipe it on my face and then I'll be cursed to love her? Well it happens man, no joke. And one more thing.

Its the laughter. Its not like the usual, haha. Its more like, hahehihuhahahahuhi. So weird and irritating.

I do appreciate the concern, you might be even reading this. You might even be spying on me. Like attaching small spy cams on cockroaches ryt... No wonder so many episodes of flying cockroaches coming in thru the window. Hahaha!

But im sorry. I dun like you.

Now I sound like a bitch in retort. :p

Now back to my life..

Where was I..

Oh ya so many japanese people from this may 1st till may 6th. So for those faithful readers out there who loves the smell of seaweed pouring out of the sweat of these people who created Godzilla and all time favourite Ultraman, do drop by DFS Galleria.

Speaking of which, there is this old obasaan (granma) who even got the chick to flirt with me. And she has this pimp-like smile (its actually the gold tooth hehe) and instead of talking to her, most of the time I was talking to the golden tooth. HAHAHAHAHA!

My collegues scolded me and say, "Why you like to flirt?"

Im like, do I? And right in front of me, was a PRC dude who happens to laugh at my silly remarks on how china people can make a river without building a dam.

Easy.."Line up the whole people of China along a dried up river stretched so long it goes like the Great Wall of China, and spit."

HAHAHAHA! I mean, im just joking around. It sounds gay to actually 'flirting' with a guy ryt? If that's the case, then Samir is indeed my gay partner. Cuz most of the time we are seen giggling over some stupid joke about choosing whether you want an ugly fart who stinks so much or a skiny noodle who honks around blabbering about how pretty she is. And if you never choose, you become a pig.

Oh ya talk about pigs.. I was wondering why only in Singapore we call it 'swine flu'. Other nations call it, H1N1.

Goes to show how lame we Singaporeans are. While other nations sound soo intellectual, we sound like an old apek who keeps complaining about the government. Hahaha! Tough joke my fellow countrymen, you and I are all wussies, plain ol' wussies. Hehehe. :p

And talk about swine flu... My god!! I feel so vulnerable. I mean, its ember alert, and my company is a tourist-related business, and um, there is a probable case in South Korea and Hong Kong, and there are ALOT of koreans in DFS just now, and Hong Kong is part of China, and there is ALOT of china people just now too, so umm...

SHOULD'NT THERE BE SOME SENSE OF PANIC?????!!!!!

I mean, where's the mask?? Where's the gloves??

I just want the mask. So I do not need to smell their stinky breath. Hehe.

Sang Ah (my Korean collegue) over reacted to some point, she even said, "Just now ah, when the PRC man coughed, I feel like the virus jump on me."

HAHAHA! I didn't know virus have legs that can jump like ticks. :D

I mean, I'm not asking Singapore to over react and get paranoid. I think the SARS episode should be enough to spur precautionary measures, especially in places where tourist are most likely to be found. I read in the newspapers, hotels like Hyatt already implemented stringent measures for staff. So DFS, come on, I know we need the sales, but Im talking about the angel of Death! Does it kill to actually sell an Omega watch? (at some level, I might beg to differ hehe)

In my opinion, pandemic diseases tend to arise from non-muslim countries. I mean, the Black Death? SARS? Bird flu? Surely Islam is the ideal religion that practices not just strict personal hygiene (altho Nabila thinks that wearing a perfume is an act of 'puji diri sendiri' hehe) but also general cleanliness.

"Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers etc.).; (Al Baqarah 2:222)

Cleanliness is part of Iman (faith) as stated in Bukhari, and Allah is pure and He loves purity (Muslim). I mean, this is an act of accordance to WHO's definition of health.
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well being and not merely an absence of disease or infirmity”.

Even in prayers, we purify our minds by subjecting our mental and physical physics to an Omnipotent Being. We are obliged to greet each other, and strengthen ukhwah among us. We are obliged to exercise and keep fit:

“The strong believer is better and more loved by Allah than the weaker one” narrated by Muslim and Ahmad.

Just to be sure of my stand, I firmly express my deepest disappointment on the recent euphoria that caused a stir of sorts in Geylang. I mean, you're a Muslim right? But how come you're being ignorant about the importance of general cleanliness? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Why Geylang Serai has to be the most dirtiest markets in Singapore? Is this equating Malay/Muslims as being unhygienic? Oh come on my friends, you can do better than that..

Surely you must commit to that level of understanding. On how imperative it is to keep ourselves healthy and clean. It is our duty as the ambassadors of all race and religion to act as role models. If you do love Muhammad (pbuh), then why are you doing all this nonsense?

In my opinion, I think NEA should step up with even more stringent measures. Like hawkers with class C license shouldn't even be hawkering (if there is such a word). I know its drastic, but I see Malay/Muslims stalls with class C license, and its disgusting. Let me inject a reminder, that it is a SIN to cause trouble to another Muslim. Especially if it leads to death. So lets keep it simple- forget about the laws, just view it in terms of our religion. Is it right in the eyes of Allah?

So the point is, as a nation, I beg everyone of you, to those who are sneezing or coughing in the mrt or bus, pls wear a mask. I know its not cool, but after months observing the Japanese and their level of fashion, to them its cool to wear a mask, AND be fashionable. At least these people do take consideration to the people around them. Ditch aside the old cultures and habits. We are an educated society, and thus, it is empowered upon us to practise what we preach. SARS affected us so bad. Let us not repeat the saga again.

On a personal note, I want to go out and have fun, not sit and home and quarantine myself. Duh!

PS: I love this song. Although her accent is fake and somehow she sounds (or tries to sound) like norah jones, but still it creates this dreamy aura that makes you wanna fly.. Don't you think so? :)

Nobody nobody but YOU! clap clap

2009-04-30T21:47:00.008+08:00

I love this song.

It has these 'earworm' properties that got stuck in my mind.

Nobody -

What a bunch of idiots!!!!

Im hooked to this shit. I don't know why. Is it the song, the rhythm, or the routine?

Or all the above? haha!

Or maybe its just the girls, cuz they are SOO HOOT!! Of course i've seen way hotter than them at DFS, I mean, even my colleague who is also a Korean is also pretty.

But I guess I still wun wanna marry them. Simply because of their mother-in-law. HAHA! I dun wish to be controlled by an Obassan (an old woman). So not cool.

I actually am practising the routine haha! It is an idiot-proof routine, and I think it is a fun dance as compared to stupid 'Half way round the world' mass dance routine back in AJC. I practically hide inside the toilet for 45min playing hp games just to smoke out. HAHAHA!

Nobody nobody but YOU!! *Clap clap!

PS: Make sure you record you know. Then post it to newpaper. :p

At last I finally achieve wad I was born to be. An epitome of idiocry. HAHAHA!

nobody -

random crap

2009-04-25T18:43:00.008+08:00

Im suppose to finish my thoughts on fat women (actually its more about women who have fat belly's- women who do not have the initiatives to keep themselves in shape) and how Islam perceives it, but I guess I have to stall for a bit more, looking at how my brain stops to function and every now and then SOMEBODY (hehe..) texts me. So I suggested myself to write about crap.

Arsenal v/s Liverpool

What a gruesome match that was! I had to wake up early in the morning only to see stupid Fabianski conceding again and again relentless goals. Out comes Super Arshavin who saves Arsenal's ass. Let me tell you something. If I were Arsene Wenger, I'd probably:

1) Throw an all-american pie on Fabianski face to wake him up and tell him this is not a dream
2) Have a 5.56mm rifle pointed directly on the ass of Silvestre, Toure and Denilson for playing like a small kid (Denilson IS a small kid haha)
3) Take a good old baseball bat and whack that Israelian Jew out of his god beloved Zionist misery (im referring to Benayoun)
4) Sing a lulluby to Bendtner. Cuz I thought he was sleep walking hahaha!

Seriously, I believe if they were to put Denilson away with Diaby earlier on, that would have make good defensive rather than Denilson. He probs the ball too long, often seen holding the ball and not passing it accurately.

What Arsenal really needs right now is the come back of Fabregas in-form, Clichy, Gallas, Van Persie and my old time favourite the tall dark assassin Adebayor. What they lack right now is communication.

Mun'ish 2009

I actually volunteered to be among the organizers for this night cycling event hosted by SIM MCMS, NP MS and Al-Mukminin Youths. Haha! Im now in the Logistic Team, and I actually dragged Harold in it as my personal backup. Haha! Hell hath no fury like Hazlami's scorn. Im back in the cool shades of intellectuality!! Every time I am with this bunch of people, I feel rejuvenated. Like Im on the good side of life, not the murky waters of DFS work. I just want to be back on track, serving the community like I always do.

In the spirit of NON MIHI SOLUM...

And to think that I actually hated collecting newspaper back in AJC..

Im gonna enjoy this ride. Expanding my social network again. And come to think of it, alot of them actually have social links with me, indirectly that is. Nabila herself have at least 5 on the spiderweb. Cool. Goes to show how popular I am hehe.. :)

And summore its logistics say. Oh come on, that's SOO encik's job la. I mean, if encik were to be in charge, it'll be swee swee (an army term for a perfect job). Kudos to him for giving me all the extras to train me up for this. Hahaha!

That still does not make it up for your evil behaviour. I still hate you.

Moving on....

Ghost encounter

Bad luck. This is gonna be the last time I'm running at the middle of the night. Caught myself entangled with the unknown. I was running near Zhenghua Sec and was about to make a U-turn when I noticed my footsteps weren't in synchronize with the noise that was created by my foot. Its supposed to be: pat pat pat pat.. A series of constant pit pats. But that night it wasn't. It was more like: pat pat patpatpat pit pat patpatpat. A double pat. Like someone was actually running with me. Shit.

I ran faster than Bolt only to find out something's breathing on my neck while I was in the lift.

Goodness gracious. It took me quite sometime to calm down. I couldn't even msg right. Hahaha! Adila kinda freak out hearing these stories.

Kinda like entering the twilight zone, don't you think so? I spent the whole night yesterday ghost story-ing to her, and I got freak out myself. Couldn't sleep haha!

Good for you dude. Just great. Next time when you want to open the can of worms, just make sure you dun freak yourself out.

Maulidur Rasul

It was a success. A lot of friends, family and relatives came to witness the story of a man so great he was well known all over the 7 skies. A man called Muhammd PBUH.

It took me the whole saturday to clean up the house. I was all alone fighting dirt. Ok, my brothers did help me, but seeing the standard of cleanliness they give, if they were to be my men right now, I'd give them twenty and sent them to bear crawl from one corner to the other. Haha. Oh come on cut some slag. It's my first time hosting a maulid. It was MY maulid. Of course, my dad had some share in it, but 80% of it was from my sweat and tears working for a year.

It was great. I thought I saw you standing in front of me, reciting the 'marhaban' together. :(

After the marhaban, I and Harold along with my uncle went to fetch the food catered by my father's best friend who lives somewhere near Segar. Let me tell you something. Harold harold... Kau dah macam kenal pakcik aku macam 10 tahun sey. Haha! Mesra giler kepe.. They keep telling jokes and whatever not.

After the feast I joined the Coffee Club gang- Harold and Taha Arafat with Taufik as guest, and played the choosing game.

Much to my amazement, my mum was so sporting she even joked back to Samir. I was in deep thoughts. OMG. Mama, you ok or not? Since when did you joke around??? HAHAHA!!

And I thought my mum is boring. Turns out, she compliments Harold alot. Bro, ko bleh tidur rumah aku anytime la. She treat you like her son already. Now both of us got two mums! haha!

Oh ya, thanks to Shikin and Maryam for coming to my Maulid. My nenek called Shikin 'Junaidah' hahaha! And she even asked me, sape punyer matair tu? Didi punyer eh? HAHAHAHA!

Oh come on... I told her la, "Tu kawan didi nyer, yang muke macam Cina."

So she went, "So Didi biler nak ada? Didi dah tua tau!"

Old woman and her antics. I totally ignored her. HAHA!

I would publicly apologise to Nabila's fren whom she say has been bugging her about my facebook shout out regarding:

FEMINISM v/s PRINCIPLE OF DUALITY

So sorry yah. Oh to you to Nabila hahaha!

You and Maryam can hold hands la. Sheesh. Maryam and her 'woman is the greatest crap' HAHAHA!

PS: Well im not saying that woman are weak. I mean, the definition of power in this era is more of influence. So, if a woman could not cook and has a career, sure go ahead. But if a man like me who can cook AND pursue a career, it goes to show that men like me are simply better than women. HAHAHA!

And oh ya, dondeng, I TOLD YOU TO STUDY NOT GOSSIP AROUND AT THE AIRPORT! You're grounded! (chey macam paham je)

I love this song. Keeps reminding me about life. About me. About how much more I need to go in order to live my life fully. And also telling me the importance of friendship. I mean, no one can walk this rigid life alone. You always need someone to help you get past the rocky edges of life. Just in case you slip and fall. :)

2009-04-18T23:03:00.003+08:00

I feel like shit.

That's all I have to say.

I have a sore throat, my back is aching, today is freaking hot.

And tomorrow is your maulid.

I make sure there is tissue paper around me.

Oh Allah, release her from your hold and let her attend my maulid. Give her a place in paradise and place her amongst the people of patience..

And mother theresa's quote is damn true.

"Real love is always painful and hurts; then it is real and pure."

Cast no shadow

2009-04-11T09:59:00.002+08:00

April 23 is getting closer and closer.

April 16 is even closer than I thought it would be.

Two of the most important dates in my history that fully describes being me.

Even more important than my stupid birthday.

Even more important than my parent's birthdays.

And I don't think im strong enough to face it. Exactly 5 days. 5 days to the rush of memories that have hibernated quietly in the winter. I can feel it trembling under my fingers. The imminent danger.

And as I prepare myself for the wave of sadness to embrace the love anniversary between a kind soul and a troubled shadowless man, and the death anniversary of that very kind soul that has shaped and made a major paradigm shift in my perspectives, my thoughts, my feelings, my worldview, upon this god-forsaken world, I knew it is impossible to grasp something that is inevitable.

If only you'd be alive right now, we'd be celebrating 2 years of friendship and love. I'd be planning something really special for such a kind soul like you. 1 year has almost gone, and yet here I am, standing, defending your throne, like the dark knight you likened me to be. 1 year has almost gone, and here I am, still thinking of you, trying to see a glimpse of you amidst the streak of sun that shines through the green canopy of leaves, struggling to hear your soft and sweet voice in the pitter patter of the morning rain, attempting to feel your presence by merely closing my eyes and pretend we were in that house in the meadows with the garden of roses you sorely loved. 1 year has almost gone, and yet, here am I. Even as I stand strong in the light of the sun, I cast no shadow. The only flesh that cast a figure of darkness is the heart that you gave, sincere and pure, virgin and untouched. The heart that I hurt all the time, the selfish knife that kept plunging in and out unreluctantly. And yet, there you are, smiling, crying, like a pure baby, only knew about love. Just love.

I am a broken man, my kind-hearted friend. Trying to piece back myself. And as the world began to play its uncanny evil plot of distrust and misunderstanding, I only have your heart that beats a thousand emotions of love and tranquility, pure and sincerity, as a beacon of hope to salvage whatever that makes me human.

I miss you, my kind-hearted friend. You use to listen to all (the word 'all' carries a probability of almost a hundred percent of possibility) of the things that I see, I hear, I feel. And there you are, stroking my head, like a mother, like a best friend, listening intently and laugh and cry together. You were the only friend that knew me through and through. The only friend that I've shared my wildest dreams. You'll chuckle at the immaturity, my imperfect reflection, and take it as a form of perfection.

Here is a song for you, albeit counting down the days till our love anniversary. Little Dian Farzanna Binte Zainal.

PS: I told ibu of my intentions of the maulid this 19th, of how I wish God would grant my wishes, give our family safety and paradise, and also, put you among the people of paradise. And she told me, she misses you too. She cried, a tear leaking from the corner of her eyes, disbelief by the fact that you are now gone. I thought I was alone, the only one who cannot accept your passing. My guesses are wrong. She says, she misses the way you talk to her. How soft you were. How sweet you were. And she keeps repeating that. I hold on to the urge of telling her to stop cuz it hurts. But instead I hug her. For you.

PPS: I saw a glimpse of you on one of the lights on the Indoor Stadium when Liam sang this line, "Cuz if I have to go, in my heart you'd grow. And that's where you'll belong."

2009-04-06T01:10:00.002+08:00

I love Oasis.....

It was the most happiest day in the moment of any history written under my name. It surpasses my adventure with Harold. Way far away..

I wasn't even with my friends or relatives. I was surrounded by a group of people I did not know, I did not care, but there is something about them, the atmosphere, that makes an ideal happy setting.

I think it is called, unison in heart.

And as I closed my eyes, embracing, understanding, drawing the weird forces of energy emitted by the amps that blasted through the night, I saw myself reeled into space and time warps, the unison of soul and energy.

That was what I felt when I was participating in the zikr with Tuan Guru.

And I think the word for it would be 'zouk'.

I was in unison with the universe. :)

Standing

2009-04-04T02:10:00.003+08:00

I overheard an old man laughing as he was kicking his cans of beer littered on the floor.

"Its better standing and embracing rather than sitting and talking."

And as I picture myself standing before God, raising my two palms steady parallel, I found myself at a surrender.

"...and unto Him we surrender. (The Noble Quran, 29:46)"

And thus, I stand. I do not sit nor squat nor crawl nor walk nor run nor jog. Simply stand.
And believe.

Random

2009-04-03T00:16:00.005+08:00

Im having a bad headache from yet another series of bad-befoul-disgusting-rubbishly-horrifying-nauseatingly-petrifying bad breath not just from the PRC's but also this idiotic Indonesian lad that perhaps replace colgate with his one-hundred-year socks.

Today I could not concentrate much at my workplace. Was thinking of blogging about the M2M race since Mr Fahmi successfully uploaded most of the pics, and most of the participants added theirs on Facebook as well, when suddenly Harold prompted me to blog about the definition of health-consciousness in the Malay/Muslim world. I think it is a perfect idea to blog about that, since it is one of the major concerns faced by the Malay people.

Im supposed to message my sms buddy, apparently she is fast asleep. Now I cannot sleep. And im too scared to run now, not at this hour. And the thought of bad breath is keeping me at bay. Sickening people.

If I would, I like to venture into the siwak business, market it in such a way that the product looks very modern, so that it can be an alternative for mentos, which scientist dub it the number 2 killer of sperm.

Haha. What nonsense.

PS: This is one of the rare songs released by Oasis in the album 'Standing on the shoulders of giants'. Listen closely to the lyrics. No wonder when Liam was interviewed by this american dude in 2000, and was compared to boybands like Westlife, he cockily replied, "We make REAL music."

So perhaps this is one of the real things about life. As per Oasis that is. Enjoy. :)

Is anyone here prepared to say
Just what they mean or is it too late?
For anyone here to try to do
Just what it takes to get through to you

So let's all make believe
That we're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we gonna need each other

Strangle my hope and make me pray
To a god I've never seen but who I betray
To the people who live the afterlife
And the place I'll never be 'til I'm crucified

So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other
Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we won't grow old

So let's all make believe
We're still friends and we like each other
Let's all make believe
In the end we'll need each other
Let's all make believe
That all mankind's gonna feed our brother
Let's all make believe
That in the end we won't grow old

Took this from an excerpt of Imam Al-Ghazali's 'Wonders of the Heart.'

Man's heart, as a mirror, is potentially capable of having reflected in it real essence of all things, and thus of coming to know them.

The reflection of knowledge in the heart may be prevented by one or more of five causes

1- the heart of a youth is in a crude unformed condition and is incapable of knowledge, just as a crude unpolished piece of metal is incapable of reflecting objects

2- disobedient acts tarnish and corrode the mirror of the heart so that reflection of reality therein is dimmed or destroyed

3- man may not know God because his heart is not turned towards Him, even as the mirror does not reflect the desired object unless it is turned towards it

4- the heart may be veiled to true knowledge by blindly accepting dogmatic teaching without understanding or thought

5- the heart may not even know in which direction to turn in order to have reality reflected in it

Man can polish and burnish the mirror of his heart by means of acts of obedience so that it will reflect the image of true reality.

When the world starts to go crazy

2009-04-01T22:17:00.010+08:00

This is the product of two pakciks who have big dreams of changing their kampong to New York.

Perhaps he should think twice of naming his shop from a dead guy who got killed on the road.

"Mummy, Im done sheeshing... can i go now??"

"Im sick and tired of this thing. Can I make a replacement?"

"Now next.. I JUST RAPE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

I urge everyone (guys) to buy ACE insurance, just in case.... hehe. :p

Macam Samir jer.. EYY!!

Enough of this crap. Let's enjoy an all time old school favourite. The Blink 182.

How people embrace ideas?

2009-03-31T13:24:00.005+08:00

I was keen to discuss this topic due to a series of events that have unfolded. It could be a mere misunderstanding. However, I am not persuasive enough to accept the fact that people are not willing to accept their mistakes and furthermore, dig in further to reemphasize their stand on the issue. If the idea is challenging, be it rational or intellectual, it is highly considerable to accept it. But if there is a lot of emotional sentiments on both sides, I must beg to change the air.

Is it ego that drives human's emotional memory mad? Or is it simply the tough nature of survivability that creates a cloud of emotional and rational air, mixed, intertwined, and undesirably, flawed?

I was merely pointing out the relevance of watching an English game. I was pointing out how bad Man Utd played against Fulham, where I thought they should have played way better. I could also point out, how bad Arsenal play during the first half against Hull City. The point is, the objective of the issue is not about Man Utd solely, but rather, the anthropology of the game itself. Meaning to say, the variables are the teams that are playing, and the constants are the game itself. Take Arsenal as X, and Hull City as Y.

Arsenal plays a weak role in the first half, only picking at the second half with the likes of Samir Nasri pushing the game forward.

X = kY, where K is a constant.

I was merely addressing the 'K' and not the variables. Try read the comments again and again.

One point to note, the use of the word 'always' is an overstatement. If it were to be 'always', it bears a probability of 90%, almost less 10% stating that I fail to do so.

Is there so many occasions where I and Harold missed the gathering? Is there a 90% chance that I miss the gathering?

And is there 90% chance of the gathering conducted on my leave? I dun think so. I can think of several events that was made during my after work, and even so, the gatherings are held occasionally on weekends where everyone is not working.

And there is an irony among the comments. One of them noted that 'its tiring to plan and gets canceled'. Yes I agree. It was almost as tiring as how you cancelled the supposedly board game event that I was anxious to go after work standing almost 8 HOURS serving customers.

Why the over reaction? Why the sudden outburst of emotions? I believe it has come to the tantamounting point where all the truth is laid upon the wasteland. If that is indeed, your perception on me, on how I keep rebuting your ides, then I will not rebute it anymore.

I deem you not fitting enough to withstand a good intellectual conversation, as how you told me you are. The problem is, you cannot see yourself losing. You cannot shrug off that mindset of yours, to accept new ideas and concept. You cannot lose this feeling of always winning. You cannot accept criticism. You cannot argue your way out of situations. You think you are always right.

Well, I got critisized so much, the same person that noted the irony once asked me how could I withstand all of that pressure.

Simply because, I know deep in my heart im not perfect. I was indeed a jerk when I left Shasha clueless to her toes about the relationship. I was indeed the manifestation of idiocry when many of her friends cursed and befouled at me. I could have say fuck off. But I didn't simply because there are truths among the curses.

The problem with people is that, they cannot accept a change. And if they don't start accepting them, including me, we will never be good muslims. I stand affirm, unswayed, by my decision that it was not my fault that caused the occasion to be cancelled. I mentioned, I was ok with anything, I did not want to decide, the last occasion it was me who decided, so I think it is ok to push the decisions to another party.

It was not my fault. The occassion was called off immediately when you mentioned Fana had other plans. At that moment, you were disappointed. I remember saying, it looks like God does not wish for us to meet.

Why must you be so serious in the EPL matches? Do you gain anything worth your life if you support Man Utd? Do you gain wealth? What you gain is a mere happiness generated by electric impulses in our brain. So why must you take the game so seriously? If you are so devoted in it, it is better to devote yourself to things that are more relevant like, Palestine Israel Conflict? Things that carry reality. So again, why so serious in your devotion? Is it, fanaticism?

I am publicly apologising for everything. I seek to understand and engage. That's all. If it were to be like this, I am sorry, I will back out. I view you as the one woman that has the aptitude to engage in philosophy. A lot of women I met, are undeniably, superficial compare to your thoughts of the world, and thus, I have high regards for you, to an extend I invited you to my small quiet Maulidur Rasul at my home with close friends and relatives, an invitation of less than 30 people, for I treat you almost as close as a sister. You are indeed, a replica of me in your philosophical thoughts, and I learnt alot from you. You were there when know one else was. And I will remember this for the rest of my life.

Do know that I do all this because I am your dear friend. Best of luck.

Wasalam.

PS: University application all complete. Now to relax and continue texting. Hehe. :p

the M2M Showdown

2009-03-29T10:15:00.006+08:00

It was one of my defining refreshing moments at the brink of embracing total undergraduate life. I swear I feel really good. Connecting to people of my age and intellectual capacity. Having fun just like my old JC days. Meeting new gorgeous friends and heartwarming dudes that spend at least 12hrs together yesterday was truly an event to remember. Not to forget, I met my JC friends there, senior and junior and ML excos alike, all of whom made my heart touched by the fact that their smile and sincerity in coming up to me and say hi goes to show many things- I am not forgotten.

So haha, im waiting for the uploads of pics from NUSMS and SIM MCS and from there I can blog. Damn fun la.

Harold, you're my best buddy.

Kk, kau nak yang gegar ke, tapi dia kafir, basted, perangai macam siak, atau Black Shark Ally kiter yang ade teks Mumbai, tapi dia alim, semua, cumer dia takot nak have sex? (assuming you get to have sex after marriage la dondeng.) Kalau kau tak pilih, kau jadi babi!

:p

PS: gosh im falling head to toes over this girl. :D muke unique kepe..

Unforgettable.. thats what you are...... haha!

And you are too dian. Unforgettable, though near or far..

Too far. :(

just too far..

rock n roll

2009-03-25T10:30:00.006+08:00

I love this song. It brings the crowd live and wild. And since I'll be standing for the next 1 n half hour, it'll be a hell of a wild ride! Im gonna jump and scream and sing! Im gonna meditate and bring in the rock n roll spirit. I still remember din told me, "Oasis? tu bukan rock n roll pe."

Sorry you're wrong.

Turn up the sun

I carry a madness
Everywhere I go
Over the border
and back to the snow

So if you see me
and I look right through
You shouldn't take it
as a reflection on you

Come on, turn up the sun
Turn it up for everyone

Love one another
Love one another

The boys in the bubble
They wanna be free
They got so blind
That they cannot see

But I'm not your keeper
I don't have a key
I got a piano
I can't find the 'C'
Come one, turn up the sun
Turn it up for everyone

Love one another
Love one another

Come on, turn up the sun,
Turn it up, for everyone

Love one another,
Love one another.

If I were to go to london..

2009-03-23T11:57:00.006+08:00

I'd:

1) Attend a Sufi Hadrah like this one below.

2) Visit Emirates Stadium and cheer on Arsenal.

3) I'd go to the London Railway station and look for platform nine and three quarters.
4) And catch a glimpse of my pretty girl, Emma Charlotte Durrea Watson.

Sweet.

Paga

2009-03-23T09:58:00.002+08:00

Look at these bunch of idiots.

Perhaps facial discrepancies do play a very large role in making us laugh.

What makes a Perfect Team

2009-03-23T02:55:00.004+08:00

I try to reason without any more doubt that Arsenal is trying hard to make their viewpoint known. They are young. Inexperienced. And to think that they are in one of the most influential leagues in the season. They are moving beyond any level.

That proves something about soccer.

What does it really take to create a perfect team?

Communication? Teamwork? Individual aptness? Aptitude? Determination? Spirit? Capital? Experience? Smart Tactics? Physical endurance?

Man United have the brilliant tactics, aptitude, experience, but lacks the individual spirit of football.

Chealsea have the money, the tactics, the teamwork, but lack in spirit.

Arsenal does not have the money, but have the spirit, determination, youth, great teamwork, but lack in experience and communication.

Manchester City flaunts great financial wealth without any further doubt, but lacks the rest.

So what really makes a great team?

Personally, I believe its all about playing with alot of positivity. If you lose, you lose positively. If you win, you gain positivity. If you're injured, you gain a stronger mindset of positivity. If you're well-paid, you put in more positivity. If you're not well-paid, you push yourself further to provide more positivity.

That's why sometimes I am much careless whether Arsenal win or lose. I think I get agitated the moment they play with too much of negativity. A positive man like me cannot be influenced by such negativity.

Same goes in many aspects of life, like love, work etc. Too much of a negativity, thinking too much of consequences but lack the aptitude to dream and strive harder, that's so conservative. How I wish im married to someone who dares to take the deep plunge 5000 feet above sealevel with me, although she hates heights...

2009-03-23T02:29:00.004+08:00

oh I almost forgot.

Oasis is HERE on the 5th APRIL!!!

guess what?

Im GOING! Want me to spell it out?

Got myself 2 tickets for me and my big bro. We are fanatics of this band, and I did mention to a few friends, in my life, I need to marry once, go to haj once, sky diving once, travel round the whole world once, and most importantly, go to Oasis concert once.

Im gonna stand and shout and see Noel's nose hair from the standing view in front of the stage.

You and I are gonna live forever.....

now for that circular black John Lennon's specs.

2009-03-21T09:32:00.005+08:00

I thought after so many weeks of not blogging, finally having the time to blog now, I could blog something fun and fanatic, but last night catastrophic predicament created a sudden vacuum of space in my mind that wiped out all of the numerous fun things that I went thru for the past few weeks.

Why must there be a management trainee who looks exactly like Dian Farzanna, at this point of time where April is coming really soon?

Why must Audrey (the management trainee I was talking about) come up to me and talk to me to discuss about my perspective of how things work in DFS, when I was dying to ask her whether she has any affiliations with a girl call Dian Farzanna?

Why must there be so many couples in the bus 190 I boarded that night?

Why must there be a malay-looking guy with a Caucasion-looking girl behaving like a couple, exchanging kisses and hugs?

Why must my stupid psp suddenly play the song Samsons- Tak Bisa Memiliki on the moment I saw them smiling at each other? (I mean the malay-caucasion couple)

Kiwak. I do not wish to talk on the phone to my close friends regarding this. Simply because they'd think its kinda a waste of time. Cuz this story is kinda 'basi' don't you think so? I wanted to force myself to cry it out when I lay naked in the bathroom, but I couldn't. I merely stared brainlessly on the blue tiles that spotted my toilet floor. I dunked my head in a basin full of water and scream it out, but the problem is.

There is nothing for me to scream about. Nothing. Simply no emotions.

So this is what people call 'the shower of numbness'. ohh begitu... ku pikir unta...

Well, once I get back my funky self I'd write about the Amazing adventures of Harold and Kumar in:

Part 1: National Library Bugis
Part 2: the Search for Dallas Chicken
Part 3: the random Journey to MMA but got diverted to LIDO
Part 4: the Battle of the IT Fair.

Two kudos for Harold. And one for Audrey.

PS: I so agree with the quote above. Sadness is indeed 'a product of our own thought. We create it out of whole cloth'

Beautiful people.

2009-02-23T09:16:00.008+08:00

Its been a very long time since I've updated myself.

Last week my best friend Hasan Azhari left Singapore to study in Australia. So I and Taufik sent him there. It was a good sending off moment, for I met my army buddies Din and Izhar. We had to catch up with life since the last time I saw them was at the NSmen Army Briefing. Although Hasan's dad insist on sending me back home since we are neighbours, I excused myself. What more can I ask for than a restoration of friendship ties?

Anas bin Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: I heard Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: He who is desirous that his means of sustenance(rezki) should be expanded for him or his age may be lengthened, should join the tie of relationship.

I felt enlightened. This week I have been catching up on very old friends. I get to have a late supper with Din and Izhar at Tampines Mall before going to Taufik's house to sleepover. I must admit his family was very kind to me. And omg, his house was like a king's house la, though he did mentioned that the maintainence of it is really painful haha. I slept at 4am, after talking and gossiping and laughing with him, and watched Russell Peters till I slept. I laughed till I slept sey. Haha. It was really great to catch up with him, really. After all, he is my bestfriend right?

After that, a couple of days later, at around 3omin to ending my job, Kamarul and Fariz Bai came to visit me. I was freaking shock! Haha. They waited for me to finish, and we went straight to Lido to catch Slumdog Millionaire. That's not all- we took a taxi to Mustafa and went shopping haha! Merepek sey. It was great beiong myself in front of them, after all, they are my best buddies in secondary school right?

Wanpee paid me a visit under my block a few days back. He showed me his bike, we catched up on alot of things, before bidding him farewell, looking at his apek helmet and nice sleek green bike. Haha. Wanpee will always be wanpee.

A few days back too, I met up with the IRAS geng, only a few of them, for the rest God didn't will them to come. At first Im supposed to meet up with Wanpee and Taha to go to Singapore Flyer. Skali si bengap tu buble (i mean wanpee). I was in the bus 700 sey. I wanted to freak out, but well, it happened, so might as well forget about it. Had to drop off sumwhere to change 3 busses to get my ass back to AYE.

We met up with Faiza and Taha first. Actually to be in detail, I and Faiza were absolutely lost! How the duck am I suppose to find a tiny man like Taha in the pool of human beings in VivoCity? We found him in this shop called Built-A-Bear.

I swear the concept of the whole shop, the identity, purpose, image, role, principle, essence etc.. It was unique! Usually you'd see shops that sell bears. How often you see shops that make bears? and you can even customized your bear, wear it clothes of your preferences, and even have a brith certificate? of course, such luxury meant big spending- he spend 70 bucks on a stupid bear for his one yearold niece. Talk about love is blind. Haha!

We met a grumpy-looking woman called Fana after that. Hehe.

She went from Ms Grumpy to Ms Im-Going-to-EXPLODE when it was still drizzling at Sentosa. But like I say, if God meant it to be our day, there is always a ray of sun. It was a miracle. Over at Siloso Beach, it was drizzling. But at Palawan, it was sunny!! Haha! How cool is that?!

It was the best IRAS gathering I ever had.. We talked, laughed, joked, all when the sun was setting. And the weather was fine and the clouds so blue. And the breeze was playing. Omg. I got to play my guitar for the first time along a beach hehe. It was fantastic.

Conclusion?

Happiness can also be generated by the people around you.

Sometimes I wonder if I should lead a hermit life. Away from people and their problems.

But I have discovered something that became a life-shifting moment in my life. I have discovered my role in this world, in this society, in this family, in this country that I was born into.

I was meant to help people. And only with that can I achieve that silent peace in my heart.

Beautiful.

Like this song.

Who put the weight of the world on my shoulders?
Who put the lies in the truth that you sold us?

Lost behind a silver screen
are all the things you could've been to us

So don't try to fuck up my head with your problems
I'm just tryin' to fix up my bed in the doldrums

Lost behind a silver screen
are all the things you could've been in Love and Life soooooo

(Chorus)
Help me out my friend
My head just started to hurt
I don't pretend
I've got all of the time in the world
So now she's gone
all alone in her own universe
I still walk on
'Til I hold you within my world

Help me out my friend
My head just started to hurt
I won't pretend
I've got all of the time in the world
So now she's gone
all alone in her own universe
I still walk on
'Til I hold you within my world

Who put the weight of the world on my shoulders?
Who put the lies in the truth that you sold us?

I'll post some pictures of it later when I'm free. Right now, Im hungry.

PS: Naira... What a beautiful name. For a beautiful woman that is. ;)

And because of this I am beginning to love the beach. :)

I came across this weird sign at the outram park interchange with Faiza. I thought at first the people in charge of manning the displays in the MRT station where clearly not doing their job. I have seen such stupidity at my workplace- how the japanese market translated japanese into english, and how the grammar was all over the place if you know what I mean, and they were displayed almost everywhere in the shop.

JOO KOON???!?!

Sounds like Joe Koon, the Bravo Spec from 4SIR. At a fleeting moment I thought he actually WERE in charge of this nonsense.

Good thing I read the newspaper about the opening of two stations after Boon Lay. Hehe.

The lost of adab in times of modernity

2009-02-09T11:16:00.005+08:00

I was in deep thoughts about to what degree can an Islamic environment be idealistic in times of such fast-paced accommodation of globalisation and modernity, when I stumble across a particular memory trenched deep in my mind. I had dinner with Taha and Samir at Long John Silver last 2 weeks, and they showed me videos and pictures of how the KEM usahawan was carried out.

At that moment it didn't matter to me, really. I was more interested, perhaps, dillussioned by the food that was laid on the table. I was really hungry.

But after that day, after visiting NUS library with my brother and Taha, after reading heaping books about historical views of how was it like back then during the Prophethood era, I realised something was amissed.

I checked with Taha and a few friends who attended that event, organised by PBMUKS and SIM Malay/Muslim Society, and found out something that really disturbed me, to a point where I am found myself in close encounter with the possibility to write to the BH. But after further discussion about the terms of adab in Islam and akhlak with my wise parents, I realise that I cannot stand on a platform of continued criticism. Instead, I must continue to strive to be a good individual Muslim and from there, like my dad say, I will cross into the realm of tabligh, and with great continuation of patience and proper character, I can possess the power of articulation- one that is possessed by many sahabahs in the Prophethood era. So the key to adab and akhlak is from me- myself. As a small unit. And from there I grow.

But still, I pushed on with my proposal of writing to BH about this. I consider the lines between religion and culture too close-perhaps intertwine- to the extent that many thought that it is ok to do something but actually in fact the religion those not beget on such actions. I went to KL last June, and I was walking with Samir to the mosque. I saw a young European lady wanting to enter the mosque. I presume she wasn't a Muslim. Outside the mosque, outside the boundaries of the mosque, meaning to say, the courtyard of the mosque, there is an office in which hejabs can be loan to fellow females who wishes to enter the courtyard of the mosque but are not properly dressed.

Why can't this be practised here in Singapore?

I understand that now, the mosque is playing a larger role in the Malay/Muslim society. Malay/Muslim people do not enjoy participating in grassroot community events. Simply because, at a certain old age, many would want to retire in the arms of Islam rather than dancing their life away in Line Dancing events. We are viewed as a society who are careless of community togetherness, back then. That's why the mosque took that responsibility and create an image of the mosque as a Muslim community centre- an institution of education, promoting pluralism and harmony among members of the public.

I embrace the concept of harmony. It is very important in Singapore. But I would suggest that despite the necessity to reach out to the cultural nominalist (a term to describe the general Malay/Muslim people who are in support of the cultural aspect of the religion, disregarding the divine and spiritual elements of it- who occasionally attend eid prayers, participate in Muslim funerals etc) we must not take adab in the mosque area lightly.

The prophet himself sensed and has overseen this problem. That is the reason why he teached us to read prayer before and after entering the mosque- to ask for forgiveness.

But I view a problem by solving the root of it. What can be more disturbing than your friend calling you all the way from that event when you're at work, just to mention that there are so many hot girls wearing obscene immoral clothings?!?! ASTAGHFIRULLAH!

I will write to BH, posing an enquiry to the public regarding this issue. But instead of critising, I was thinking of a more constructive approach- by suggesting them, they could have use the area at Kampung Glam instead. KEM USAHAWAN is a good event with a simple niat to help and encourage young Muslim entreprenuers, and with the event located next to the mosque, it would be like killing 2 birds with one stone- instilling business culture AND bringing the youths closer to the mosque. I must applaud and compliment them on their goodwill. However, we must employ strict adab of wearing proper clothings- minimum a head gear- to even enter the courtyard of the mosque. That includes women who want to pray but haven't have the acceptance to wear headgear. They must bring along at least a selendang to cover their head. Same goes for the men. I will bring a songkok in my bag from now on. To show akhlak.

Reaching out to the youths is good, but do reach out IN PROPER. That way, the youths won't be in dilemma between secularism and islamism.

I suggest having any further events located in Kampung Glam. I know it is expensive, but we can still try pulling sponsorships. The mosque is a place to pray. Not a place to conduct earthly means. Although some might argue that the location is outside the praying hall. But still, it is near the mosque. It is by far, morally wrong.

Although there isn't any biblical proof to support my claims of the adabs in the mosque, I would like to share with you something interesting.

Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) having said this: Two are the types of the denizens of Hell whom I did not see : people having flogs like the tails of the ox with them and they would be beating people, and the women who would be dressed but appear to be naked, who would be inclined (to evil) and make their husbands incline towards it. Their heads would be like the humps of the bukht camel inclined to one side. They will not enter Paradise and they would not smell its odour whereas its odour would be smelt from such and such distance. Hadith Muslim.

Narrated from the Quran, Surah Al-Araf verse 31, "O Children of Adam! Take your adornment (by wearing your clean clothes), while praying and going round (the Tawaf of ) the Ka'bah, and eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly He (Allah) likes not Al-Musrifun (those who waste by extravagance)."

The hadith teaches us about the importance of women covering their aurah. And the quran tells us how important it is to wear 'clean clothes' (translated as proper) when entering the mosque. So when you enter, truly you must walk past the courtyard of the mosque..

It is important to recognize the need of adab in certain places of important values. If it were to be a company anual dinner, people would dress up formally for the occasion. If it were to attend a funeral, a prompt humble baju kurung should be sufficient. But if it were to be an event organised, with bazars and youths, mixing the muslim and the muslimah together,in a Mosque Courtyard, at least wearing a proper coverage of clothing is enough.

Few would argue that the people who come in the courtyard of the mosque are from the public and they themselves do not know how to adhere to the dress code. That is the reason why I proposed the event to be conducted on the Kampung Glam grounds, to prevent from fitna dunia. Balancing the goodwill, the problems that arised with the fall of adab, the financial terms to rent Kampung Glam, I think by reverting the place to Kampung Glam, it would not only promote a good image of Malay/Muslim society engaging in entrepreneural culture, it also avoids the advent issue of adab. And Kampung Glam is near the mosque, but not IN the courtyard of the mosque, so the question of adab would not even surfaced.

I urge the Malay/Muslim people to reform and rethink of the things that we did. We offer submission to Allah, pray to him, zikr, salawah, do good deeds, not because of the REWARDS. Islam is not about going to Paradise. That is earthly. What is lack in me and the many people is the spiritual and divine principles of Islam.

We do things not because of the rewards, but to search God's blessings and be Loved by Him.

Wslm.

PS: I know this song is not appropriate. The song itself is very atheist in nature. But I like the melody. It is very peaceful. :)

That is one of the reasons why I love John Lennon.

The Duality of All forces

2009-02-07T11:08:00.003+08:00

A year and a day has passed since I ORDed.

A year and a day has passed since I msged Dian I am free from the clutches of army.

A year and a day has passed since I hear her voice say, 'Alhamdulilah'.

Little did I know, back then, a year and a day, I was going to lose someone so precious.

10 more weeks till her Death Anniversary. And few days after, our Anniversary.
I have specially prepared a maulid/tahlil session at my house, with close family members and close friends. I will message those who are invited. It'll be a small one.

To embrace pain, is to understand pain. To understand pain, is to accept pain. To accept pain, is to submit myself to God. Ultimately, only you oh Allah, has the Power to make things better. Have mercy on me, and erase her sins. Make her sleeping a sanctuary and not a pit of hell.

Oh Allah, the Most merciful, the Most Gracious. Have pity on us. On me. On her. And give me the courage to spread her love to the people that needed it most. She has made an ultimate sacrifice. To let me go. Now it is my turn.

I have understood it all. We can never conquer the ocean, nor the highest mountain. It is not Einstein who invented the quantum theory. It wasn't Ibn Sina who travelled across thousands of miles in search of knowledge and adventure. It wasn't Neil Armstrong who walked on the moon. It wasn't Hitler who nearly wipeout the entire Jew community. It wasn't Israel who slaughtered the Palestines.

It was Allah, the True Might of all universe. And that every adversary we face, it is not about overcoming it that makes us winners, its about submission to the victory and the lost. The duality philosophy of all kinds. To submit to two opposites of forces in order to understand one conclusion- that God is the Strongest of all, and 'tiada daya dan tiada upaya melainkan Dia.'

I can smile now.

A note from the heart

2009-02-03T09:58:00.006+08:00

A note for a friend. (You know who you are)

The western term of 'fight your fears' is drastically irrelevant in terms of philosophical life. As I have mentioned in the messages I send you in my utmost sincerity, I have explained that fear is the driving force in a human's subconscious mind in making decisions. Decisions are made based on three notions; Rational thinking, natural instinct and the 'soft mind' called the soul. The human mind was created simply as a medium to solve any problems that is faced by the specific species. When you are itchy, the mind tells you to scratch. When your body is full of waste, the mind tells the body to excrete it out. And the key goal of the mind is none but one- to achieve a solution that is simplified.

You chose to blame on your emotions. It is a simplified solution. Simply because, it is simple. Emotions are hard to control, they have a lot of underlying elements that is in relation to the decisions made. So it is easier to put the fault at a factor that can't be controlled.

Natural instinct can simply overcome the delicate balance of the soul and the mind. At the brink of survival, a human can simply kill another human in a civilised state. This is what theologist call, the 'dog-eat-dog' world.

Emotions are part of a derivative to the subconscious element of fear. It is easy to say, I do this because I am angry. For example, the Israel soldiers who asked an old Palestinian man to kiss his donkey's ass can based their actions simply because of the resentment they have on the Palestinians. I kill because I am angry. I cry because I am sad.

Do not take the simple road to solve a problem. What I mean when I message you, "Life is either like a cup of water, or a cup of water taken from the ocean" is that you are given a choice to choose to view your life in what perspective. Either you choose to take an easy way out and view your life as a small cup of water, or taking a rather difficult route but much wiser attempt by understanding the various elements affecting your life, and try and soul search the reason why such things happen in your life.

A case study I would like to share. A palestinian man was interviewed days after her new born child was killed in an Israel bombing back in the 90s. What he shared was proof that a mosaic life- a life of total acceptance, is realistic and not idealistic. He told the reporter that he accepts what God has given to him, and that he prays that the sins of the world are forgiven.

It is in this idealistic character, proven realistic by the Prophet pbuh, that is lacking in each individual. They lack the philosophical knowledge to delve deep in themselves and search not the solutions but the question, 'why' and 'how'. This is the part that you do not understand, and when the time comes, when it resurfaces again and again, then you will understand what I told you.

Blaming on overreaction is like taking a painkiller to cure a painkiller. It is a norm to the general public of the idea of painkillers curing a certain sickness. But doctors would argue that it only puts away the symptoms temporarily and it is up to the antibody system to create a strain of anti-virus to fight the virus.

So what im trying to say is that, instead of taking the chill pill, why not you take the vitamin C? Why not you have a balance diet, a healthy lifestyle, a case to prevent sickness from even coming? They say prevention is the best medicine.

Prevention is a knowledge. A knowledge evolved by people who delve deep into the understanding of the problem, and finding the questions 'why' and 'how'.

I say this because I care, you know that. I have seen what you have gone through, it pains me to see you like this, having to proof yourself worthy and sacrificing all the time, and you kept saying it makes you stronger. But how strong can a person be? How do you define strength? How do you measure it? No matter how strong you are, God is the strongest, and he will keep giving you tests after to test until you reach a point of self-realisation. A point where you submit yourself fully, and not trying to fight against it.

You have to ask yourself questions like 'why is this all happening to me' and 'how is it possible..'. May these questions guide you in your quest.

I say this only because I care and love you as a human close at heart. You must know that a good friend is there to listen, but a true friend is like a star, always guiding you in your journey. And a true friend only guides you to the right path, as it has been defined by God as Ad-din; the way of life. I care only for your true welfare. You know I'm always here praying for you and the whole world.

May Allah love you and bestow you strength. Amen.

PS: If only I was there for you earlier..

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

I went to God's clinic to have my routine check-up and I confirmed I was ill.

When God took my blood pressure, He saw I was low in tenderness.

When He read my temperature, the thermometer registered 40' of anxiety.

He ran an electrocardiogram and found that I needed several 'love bypasses' since my arteries were blocked with loneliness and could not provide for an empty heart.

I went to Orthopaedics because I could not walk by my brother's side and I could not hug my friends, since I had fractured myself when tripping with envy.

He also found I was shortsighted, since I could not see beyond the shortcomings of my brothers and sisters.

When I complained about deafness, the diagnosis was that I had stopped listening to God's voice talking to me on a daily basis.

For all of that, God gave me a free consultation thanks to His Mercifulness.

So my pledge is to, once I leave this clinic, only take the natural remedies He prescribed through His words of truth:

1) Every morning, take a full glass of Gratitude

2) When getting to work, take one spoon of Peace

3) Every hour, take one pill of Patience, one cup of Brotherhood and one glass of Humility

4) When getting home, take one dose of Love

5) When getting to bed, take two tablets of clear Conscience

Do NOT give in to sadness or desperation for what you are going through today

God knows how you feel . . .

God knows exactly and with perfection what is being allowed to happen to you in your life at this precise moment.

God's purpose for you is simply perfect.

He wants to show you things that only you can understand by living what you are living and by being in the place that you are now.

MY PRAYERS FOR YOU:

"May God give you . . .
For every storm, a rainbow;
For every tear, a smile;
For every care, a promise;
And a blessinig in each trial;
For every problem life sends, a faithful friend to share;
For every sigh, a sweet song;
And an answer for each prayer."

God bless you. (",)

Random thoughts after CNY

2009-01-27T19:26:00.004+08:00

I still have this monster inside my heart.

You want to know what?

I thought I dealt with it when I was studying about akhlak with Ustaz Abu Zaki.

Now I fear the monster is back again. This time its making me nuts.

"The sickness of the heart- Other than the greatest sickness of riak' (feeling greater than others), the next greatest sickness would be the sickness of jealousy," said Ustaz Abu Zaki.

The uneasiness. The overwhelming feeling of how people are 'above' me. The strong satanic emotion that twirls and swirls my rational brain. I can imagine how such feelings can cause even greater madness like the Iraq War and the constant backstabbing of neo-politics among great politicians. An utter shame I have become. I must act upon myself.

Work is sucky. CNY has brought no luck other than pure torture hearing the PRC talking like DFS is a market and smelling their smelly breath when they suddenly pop out of nowhere in front of you, open their big fat mouth and start, 'Ni hao shen sen... Wo..."

Wallau! Baunya bagaikan bangkai berkumbah najis.

Thinking back, these people, the PRCs, they are like the second Yahudis. They are subconsciously materialistic and their mosaic life is all based on who has the most expensive watches and shopping and buy things and gossip and stuff. They only care about money. Goodness. Although I msut admit there are some PRCs out there who loves peace and selfless in making a world a btter place for other people. Come on Hazlami, you're so bias, what you see at DFS is a mere 0.01% of the entire nation, and perhaps the ones shopping for OMEGA watches are the upper elite classes. Yeah, wadever.

But still, I always came back tired and still I have to balance between reading up materials, thinking of issues, play game, and squeeze that small amount of quantum space for myself to pause a thought about my ownself. I wish I can sit in a library and read quietly.

Oh ya, I might be going to Nepal with Alexis and ST this year. Its a cheap and fun adventurous getaway from life. I hope it does happen. Alexis is so into it. I just want to track up the plains and see the whole world split into two parts; the blue sky and the green earth. And since ST has experience in those regions (he is a nepalese after all) and all of us including Alexis (though she's a girl) are able to adapt to such rough conditions perhaps this would be a journey of a lifetime. I might even be able to write my thoughts in clear waters.

Speaking of this year, university admissions are coming up pretty soon. I must start building my portfolio.

Last but not least, I love God, Muhammad pbuh, mum, my family, Oasis, John Lennon, my close friends (Harold, Nisa, Arafat, Lil Killa, Taufik, Faiza n Fana, 4SIR family, Kamarul, Anuar, Khairi, Raffie, and many unspoken friends like the KL gang and AJ peeps), the guy at the mosque who found my wallet, the children of Palestine, my new friends in France and Bangladesh, the little chinese girl who wrote me a chinese character 'tree' and for giving me a kiss just now, the old apek who kept sweeping the floor outside DFS, my collegues in DFS esp Kak Shimah for the wonderful consistently-prompt food, ST for his stupid jokes, my godmother Ling, Eileen for her nonchalancy and wonderful spirit, Alexis and Sang Ah for the super friendship, the rest of the crew at DFS, Michael for lending me his guitar and many more unnamed personnel whom I believe have made my day.

Here's a happy song for you. :)

PS: If everyone is this happy, can the world rejoice and pause for a moment to hold hands and hug and kiss and put aside all differences and just love, wouldn't it be so good.....

my thoughts on the Muslim world.

2009-01-23T10:51:00.004+08:00

These are my thoughts about the Muslim World. It might be completely incomprehensive but im working on it. I actually post this on facebook, on some cause that I joined. It actually invited me to many opportunities making Muslim friends from across the globe. I hope I can complete my essay on Palestine in time for submission to Karyawan insya'allah.

I would like to post a few pointers in discretion.
I understand many Muslims around the world are filled with emotions, unbearable anger towards Israel's attacks on Gaza.
According to a study by a scholar living in Gaza, she mentioned that 'the most troubling and frightening aspects of occupation..was its mundane, prosaic manner. For Palestinians, occupation was the ordinary-a way of lifetaht had to be lived defensively without recourse or appeal, wothout protection or choice, largely absent of accountability, predictability, rationality or control.'

To summed it all up, it clearly shows:
1) dehumanization of palestinians and israelis and its ravaging effects
2)the traumatization of children and the denial of youth
3) the etiology of violence in the Palestinian context and the radicalization of society
4)loss of ideology and creativity within the society and its consequences

Especially I would emphasized on point 4. By disengaging a society with creativity and ideology, it goes to show 2 things.
1) Israel's motives in occupying Palestine.
2) The lost of Muslim values around the Middle East region.

I let you all think about these two points.

Let us compare and contrast how Muhammad pbuh change the world and brought about his religion and faith to the people.

1) He has strong believers (companions) of either strong political influence or financial background.
2) He engages with the poor
3) He doesn't lie (many muslim rulers now do so)
4) He walks the talk (he does what he preaches)
5) His humble character
6) His forgiving methods in dealing with people
7) The unity among Muslims in protecting Muhammad in the battle of Uhud (they do not only protect Muhammad as a Messenger or a man, but also protect his ideas and faith)
8) The ability to be mediators in a conflict (many rulers do not do so, take a look at Egypt, siding the Israels in the peace talks)
9) Many of the Companions are wise men; they are of people with thirst of knowledge (Salman Al-Farisi)
10) Many practised what Muhammad has brought to them
11) Many loved Muhammad and each other (islamic brotherhood)

So they grew economically strong, socially united, and intellectually mesmerizing. Look at us now. Where is the thirst for knowledge? Where are the Muslims in helping the weak and the poor? I see many rulers with big cars and rich houses. But Saidina Omar Al-Khattab RA only had a house as high as his tip of his head, and a patched-up shirt, but still he was considered the Greatest Caliph in Islam, able to unify Islam in farthest regions and inspiring young Muslims to learn knowledge. He was poor in pocket, but rich in heart and knowledge. He engages well with the poor; he never allowed any Muslim governors to eat nice food or never eat at all if he sees a single man on the streets poor without food. While he encourage wealth and power, he also acknowledged the power of KNOWLEDGE to control it.

In that era where the Prophet pbuh spread islam, we can see phases of his journey that can be learnt and implemented.

1) Establishment of love and strongest of faith in Allah and the Rasul
2) Establishment of people of influence in the circle of Islamic Brotherhood
3) Establishment of control in ideas in a city (medina)
4) Establishment of unity among cities
5) Maintaining these Establishments with the Al-Quran, As-Sunnah and rational thinking (as per his last sermon)

These 5 phases show the importance of establishing an Islamic identity WITHIN AN INDIVIDUAL- fully embracing total Muslim; faith, trust, friendship, love, family togetherness, akhlak, ikhsan, and many more (These characteristic modules provide the strong foundation in the founding stages if Islam), followed by the Establishment of people of powerful interests- influential people like Omar Al-Khatab, Osman Al-Affan, Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, Abdullah ibn Saad and many more (These people gave great impact on the spread of Islam financially, socially and intellectually), followed by the Establishment of ideology and Islamic practices in a city (hijra' of the Muslims to Medina, and making Medina the center of Islamic Knowledge, Power, and Faith), followed by the Establishment of unified hearts among other nations (the control of Islamic Nations under one banner from Arabian lands across Syria extending to Africa) and thus maintaining it with love and faith. Faith for Allah, his Prophet, and the faith for the Islamic Ruler.

One must understand that Islam was unified by a single man, and with that the continuation of a single Caliphate system. However, the Caliphate system was weaken because of the Muslim ruler's favour of wealth and power unlike in comparisons to the first 4 Caliphs, and thus was abolished, and with that, the unity of the Muslim world.

We must advert back to that system again. It is proven by the Prophecies of the End of Times by the Prophet, when Jesus will come down from the heavens and unified the world with him, and his death will be a unifying moment for the Muslims as we pray in togetherness, and the continuation of it when Imam Mahdi is born to lead and maintain the Muslim people.

We must be unified based on the 5 phases of establishment first before we can be stronger to withstand it. There is no use in pointing fingers at to whom is responsible for the weakened stature of the Muslim world. The Prophet mentioned that there is no more other wars except for the fight of An-Nafs. He already has foreseen that we will fall in the influence of our an-nafs. He saw that we will break apart because of our an-nafs. He emphasized the strengthen of one's individual hearts FIRST and at TOP PRIORITY.

May God help us all. Ameen.

Some facts to share. I would like to thank brother Bunyameen from Maldives to share his knowledge on this crisis.

The figures are speaking themselves very loudly. We are unable to listen.
Some thoughts:

Demographics:
o World Jewish Population: 14 million
o Distribution: 7 M in America
5 M in Asia
2 M in Europe
100 thousand in Africa
o World Muslim Population: 1.5 billion
o Distribution: 1 billion in Asia/Mid-East
400 M in Africa
44 M in Europe
6 M in the Americas
o Every fifth human being is a Muslim
o For every single Hindu there are two Muslims
o For every Buddhist there are two Muslims
o For every Jew there are 107 Muslims
o Yet the 14 million Jews are more powerful than the entire 1.5 billion Muslims

Why?

Here are some of the reasons:

Movers of Current History:
o Albert Einstein Jewish
o Sigmund Freud Jewish
o Karl Marx Jewish
o Paul Samuelson Jewish
o Milton Friedman Jewish

Medical Milestones:
o Vaccinating Needle: Benjamin Ruben Jewish
o Polio Vaccine: Jonas Salk Jewish
o Leukaemia Drug: Gertrude Elion Jewish
o Hepatitis B: Baruch Blumberg Jewish
o Syphilis Drug: Paul Ehrlich Jewish
o Neuro muscular: Elie Metchnikoff Jewish
o Endocrinology: Andrew Schally Jewish
o Cognitive therapy: Aaron Beck Jewish
o Contraceptive Pill: Gregory Pincus Jewish
o Understanding of Human Eye: G. Wald Jewish
o Embryology: Stanley Cohen Jewish
o Kidney Dialysis: Willem Kloffcame Jewish

Nobel Prize Winners:
o In the past 105 years, 14 million Jews have won 180 Nobel prizes whilst 1.5 billion Muslims have contributed only 3 Nobel winners
Inventions that changed History:
o Micro- Processing Chip: Stanley Mezor Jewish
o Nuclear Chain Reactor: Leo Sziland Jewish
o Optical Fibre Cable: Peter Schultz Jewish
o Traffic Lights: Charles Adler Jewish
o Stainless Steel: Benno Strauss Jewish
o Sound Movies: Isador Kisee Jewish
o Telephone Microphone: Emile Berliner Jewish
o Video Tape Recorder: Charles Ginsburg Jewish

Influential Global Business:
o Polo: Ralph Lauren Jewish
o Coca Cola Jewish
o Levi's Jeans: Levi Strauss Jewish
o Sawbuck's: Howard Schultz Jewish
o Google: Sergey Brin Jewish
o Dell Computers: Michael Dell Jewish
o Oracle: Larry Ellison Jewish
o DKNY: Donna Karan Jewish
o Baskin & Robbins: Irv Robbins Jewish
o Dunkin Donuts: Bill Rosenberg Jewish

Influential Intellectuals/ Politicians:
o Henry Kissinger , US Sec of State Jewish
o Richard Levin, PresidentYaleUniver sity Jewish
o Alan Greenspan , US Federal Reserve Jewish
o Joseph Lieberman Jewish
o Madeleine Albright , US Sec of State Jewish
o CasperWeinberger , US Sec of Defence Jewish
o Maxim Litvinov , USSR Foreign Minister Jewish
o DavidMarshal , Singapore Chief Minister Jewish
o Isaacs Isaacs, Gov-GenAustralia Jewish
o Benjamin Disraeli, British Statesman Jewish
o Yevgeny Primakov, Russian PM Jewish
o Barry Goldwater , US Politician Jewish
o Jorge Sampaio, President Portugal Jewish
o Herb Gray, Canadian Deputy - PM Jewish
o Pierre Mendes, French PM Jewish
o Michael Howard, British Home Sec. Jewish
o Bruno Kriesky, Austrian Chancellor Jewish
o Robert Rubin , US Sec of Treasury Jewish

Global Media Influential:
o Wolf Blitzer, CNN Jewish
o Barbara Walters, ABC News Jewish
o EugeneMeyer , Washington Post Jewish
o Henry Grunwald, Time Magazine Jewish
o Katherine Graham , Washington Post Jewish
o Joseph Lelyeld, New York Times Jewish
o Max Frankel, New York Times Jewish

Global Philanthropists:
o George Soros Jewish
o Walter Annenberg Jewish

Why are they powerful? Why are Muslims powerless?
Here's another reason. We have lost the capacity to produce knowledge.

o In the entire Muslim World (57 Muslim Countries) there are only 500 universities.
o In USA alone, 5,758 universities
o In India alone, 8,407 universities
o Not one university in the entire Islamic World features in the Top 500 Ranking Universities of the World
o Literacy in the Christian World 90%
o Literacy in the Muslim World 40%
o 15 Christian majority-countries, literacy rate 100%
o Muslim majority - countries , None
o 98% in Christian countries completed primary
o Only 50% in Muslim countries completed primary.
o 40% in Christian countries attended university
o In Muslim countries a dismal 2% attended.
o Muslim majority countries have 230 scientists per one million Muslims
o The USA has 5000 per million
o The Christian world 1000 technicians per million.
o Entire Arab World only 50 technicians per million.
o Muslim World spends on research/development t 0.2% of GDP
o Christian World spends 5 % of GDP

Conclusion:
o The Muslim World lacks the capacity to produce knowledge

Another way of testing the degree of knowledge is the degree of diffusing knowledge.

o Pakistan 23 daily newspapers per 1000 citizens
o Singapore 460 per 1000 citizens
o In UK book titles per million is 2000
o In Egypt book titles per million is only 17

Conclusion:
o Muslim World is failing to diffuse knowledge

Applying Knowledge is another such test.
o Exports of high tech products from Pakistan is 0.9% of its exports
o In Saudi Arabia is 0.2%
o Kuwait , Morocco and Algeria 0.3%
o Singapore alone is 68%

Conclusion:
o Muslim World is failing to apply knowledge

A video clip dedicated to the children and the men and women of Palestine. Once I have the monetary funds and knowledge, I promise you, I'll go there and share your pain. May God bless my journey. Ameen.

My journey to the Holy Grail.

2009-01-16T10:06:00.004+08:00

Three reasons why I post my thoughts today.

1) My brain is hiccuping with terms and words about Islamic Revivalism, Contemporary Islamic Intellectualism, Islamism, Gulen movement, Kemalism, etc etc. I think I read too much.

2) Gadis Melayu anjuran TV9

3) Zionist pigs

As mentioned above, yesterday I spent nearly 5 hours locked up in my room reading. It is amazing how my brain feeds up 5 hours of information. It has been 3 years since my brain endure such rigorous workout. Usually if 5 hours is subjected to either reading novels or playing games, my brain says its leisure. But 5 hours reading books about the Rise of Islamic Contemporary Intellectualism?? Goodness. Some terms were even clueless to me. I have to check it out on the internet to find out more. I never knew there were so much information I didn't know about the world. I was drawn by how fellow scholars put there heart and soul, and literally, soul (sentence to death by the noose) in order to spread islamic intellectualism to the world eversince the World War 2, and the decolonization of Arab Nations. It is also encouraging learn about the sudden collapse of brotherhood and unity among fellow Arab Nations, Arab Muslims and Non-Arab Muslims, and Muslims as a whole against the West. The relationship between these people brought about a major response- the fall of Palestine in the hands of Zionist pigs.

Referring to today's berita harian, 16th January 2009, page 12 of Komentar, the author Mr Raja Zarith Idris argue that the slaughter in Palestine is not about religion. He based his argument upon the fact that the conflict was brought upon by the continuation of Israel presence in Palestinian land since the Arab war in 1967, and the continuance of pressure from the US and Israel on their economy and politics since Hamas won the election proposed by the US over Fatah. If we could trace back to history, it all began with a religious fanaticism of the Christian Europe. Quoting from Wikipedia, "..religion-driven military campaigns waged by much of Christian Europe against external and internal opponents. Crusades were fought mainly against Muslims, though campaigns were also directed against pagan Slavs, Jews, Russian and Greek Orthodox Christians, Mongols, Cathars, Hussites, Waldensians, Old Prussians, and political enemies of the popes.[1] Crusaders took vows and were granted an indulgence for past sins." It is imperative to understand the underlaying truth, that the bloodshed started from Europe. When the 1st Crusade attacked the Muslim-based Jerusalem, the won and the slaughtered almost all of the Muslim inhibitants in Jerusalem. When the Muslims gain unity and strength in 1187, Saladin, great ruler of Egypt, send a wave of relentless attack on the remnants of the French Army, and regain back what was rightfully theirs.

One may argue on the motives of the Zionist Jews on palestinians at present against the numerous recorded history on how Jews and Muslims- inhabitants of Jerusalem, fought side by side against the French Army in the first crusade, and they died together as they were massacred when the French took over. Even the World War Two event was fuelled by the Europe's campaign against Seminitism. So the question is- What are the motives of the Zionist against weak Muslims now?

Im on my personal journey to uncovering the truth, where politics and power is overlayed by ambitious religious-driven sentiments. What drives men mad to kill another man? What makes the Muslim World weak and fabled as compared to the Caliphate Era where the Muslim Kingdom triumph with knowledge, power, and military strength? What motives do the US government hold in support of Israel against the weak Palestinians?

I must mention that we cannot blaim the Hamas for blasting rockets that sparked the onslaught. They were panicking- supplies to feed their people are narrowed even further with a tunnel, and of course, embargoes on its economy as well. And I must further emphasized that Hamas is NOT a militant party. How can they be streotyped by the West as militant or even worse, terrorist? They are a political party who won the elections fairly through democracy that was proposed by America. They are the only force that has the will to fight for their homeland. It is easy for Majusis and Kafrs to point the finger at them, and calling them militants, and believing naively by the continued propaganda of the West through media.

Ok I think that sums up point one and three haha.

Now for Point 2. hehe.

Siapa bilang gadis melayu tak menawan....

Kaoz, lawa bangat sih cewek2 Melayu. Hehehe.

Aida won, and it opened my eyes to the woman of Malaya. Truly astoundingly beautiful. Ok, im referring to Malaya, as in Malaysia, not Singapore haha! Singapore Malay girls, maaf kata, sorry to say, is like a prawn in the ocean as compared to these pretty intelligent beings. They are smart, pretty, and above all, carries the MALAY characteristics of a True Malay Woman- full of softness, beauty WITHIN, and adherence to Malay tradition of adab, tatasusila and of course, the knowledge of Duniawi and Ukhrawi.

Maner la minah tudung yang hot dan lawa dan pandai dan lembut macam dorang pat sini eh.....

Ade kot, must be in some university la.

Taken from a dialog between my mum and me when watching the Gadis Melayu TV9 yesterday night.

"Aduh mak lawanyer dorang. Mm.. Ni kalau dapat pinang best ni mak."

"Lawa eh dorang. Aina tu pandai jawab soalan para juri eh?"

"Mak mak, kalau adik (me) umur cam 27 takde makwe berkenan, skali terpandang orang macam Aina tu, Mak pilah minang untuk org hehehe.. Malula nak tanye nombor."

"Eh eh kau ni, belum kerja betul2 nak kahwin."

"Yelah, tap ni scenario dah ade kerjaya. Ok, mak nak adik pilih yang perempuan macam Aina ke, macam Melayu tak pakai tudung tapi kerja, atau minah Jepun muallaf yang pelembut?"

"Aina la!"

Consider done! Hahaha! Pikir balik, my mum have alot of contacts with friends and stuff. Manerla tau dapat minah Al-Irsyad ke yang pandai pergi UKIM ke bleh berbual bahasa Arab. Wow!

Senang je, just sent my mum to minang the girl. With my looks so handsome, and my talents, surely she won't reject. Im everyone mum's favourite. Almost all aunties that I have met or mum's friends or collegues would say," If I have a daughter I'd marry her to you!". Haha. And if she is truly Gadis Melayu, pasti patuh atas pilihan ibu kan kan? Hahahaha!

Now must focus on myself. Gain more knowledge, gain more experience, gain more akhlak, insya'allah, God would give me a girl as beautiful as Aina. As my wife of course. Not some dating girl or flirting girl or spare tyre or scandal.

But a wife.

Maryam! Your mission is to get me a tudong girl. Now! Hehehe.
Waduh. So pretty. Nombor bleh kasi? Hehehe.

Gadis Melayu takkan hilang di dunia (Malay Woman won't extinct in this world)

Hahaha!

New Year Covenant

2009-01-08T13:09:00.003+08:00

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." -Albert Einstein

I would like to begin my new year with this quote by a famous mathematician in the world, Sir Albert Einstein.

As I rummage into this already dampened brain for clues as to what to write, I realised that celebrating the new year is not just about enjoying it, but perhaps in a more higher derivative, embracing it with full of hopes and unfulfilled dreams. I succumbed myself in deeper thought, as I look towards my living room window. 2008 was generally a sucky period for me. Although I must say what you lose is what you gain, I prefer seeing my 2008 in a mess. And thus concludes the quote I chose to begin my 2009.

Instead of blabbering about what I want to do, how about I post myself a series of questions.

How was your 2008?

Bad.

Was 2008 memorable?

Depending on how negative and how positive you view it.

What do you mean negative?

I have increasingly indulged myself into pessimism. If not for faith, family, friends, and frequent 'One Piece' episodes, I'd dwelled even further into the sea of negativity.

Can you roughly list for me the negative/bad things that has happened in 2008?

1) Failure to enter to university this year with my batch due to my stupidity in planning.
2) Failure to leave NS with that amount of credibility and confidence as how I walked out of SISPEC
3) Failure to save Dian Farzanna's live which then caused her to die in April 2008 and thus brought about a series of traumatised events.
4) Failure to help the community who are most in need due to my irregularity in work shifts.
5) Failure to learn and grasp Japanese well.
6) Failure to make myself happy after Dian's death.
7) Failure to please my parents.
8) Failure to collect enough money to last me 2 years in uni dis year.
9) Failure to spend time for myself and indulge myself in research and books.
10) Failure to understand myself.
11) Failure to give myself another chance to love.
12) Failure to give people chance to understand. (Magician Disappearing Act Theory)
13) Failure to keep up with religious learning.
14) Failure to clean up the mess that I have made.
15) Failure to achieve something in year 2008.

Well, that's a long list of failures. Im interested in number 11 and number 15. Care to explain?

Regarding number 11, I tried my best to offer myself a chance. However, much to my dismay, whenever something bad or unexpected props up, I keep blaming myself and not having the determination to go all the way and treat it like a challenge. I couldn't help but kept thinking about failing to keep up to her promises, and why I should stay single till I die, and how I cannot replace a close friend that has been there for me listening to EVERYTHING that has happened in my life. When a bad event unfolds, or a certain strain of rebuff exist, there isn't any emotion to outwit these negativities and thus I further drowned myself into a rollercoaster.

As for number 15, I must admit im very ambitious. I feel jealous everytime I see people with cars and having a certain social status that permits him/her to attain such wealth and a sense of pride. And here I am scanning stupid cards and talking rubbish japanese to customers. I want to do more. To do things. Great things. I was sitting in a mosque back when I was sec 4. A wise man sat beside me and told me I have a problem. Curious by his sudden shocking claim, I asked why. He mentioned I could do great things in life if not for my inapt to grasp myself in times of turmoil. Yes, I admit I am a sensitive creature and thus actions made by me are a mere example of influences of the environment around me. So he took my head in his soft palms, and prayed, and kissed my forehead. He smiled and left. Since then I told myself I was born to do great things in life. My strength is based upon the courage and determination of others. I am exactly like Peter Petrelli. I gain power from others, not taking them away from people, and in fact able to contribute what I have. I saw how my big brother scored in his O'level. And so I looked up to him, and always tell myself I can do better. Yes I am playful too. And I enjoyed my childhood innocent life of mere soccer, running, studying, games and such. And still I believe I achieved something that year. But look at me now. I achieve nothing. And so I hope this year when I enter uni, im all geared up for it. I made mistakes to conquer my fears. I am ready for my honours. I am ready to be the best. And thus, able to do great things in life.

Ok, so could you list out breifly the achievements you would want to achieve this year?

1) Get a good start in university.
2) Settle down with my community programme.
3) To be a better man.
4) To be wiser and mature in thinking despite having a 17 year old face. (bla bla bla.)
5) To be able to start my first book entitled, "The Rose, The Angel, And Me - A completely incomprehensive biased thesis about life."
6) To be able to give myself a chance to love.
7) To be able to write a thesis about the issue on freedom v/s love.
8) To be able to make my parents proud.
9) To be able to sustain financially without any help (as always)
10) To be able to have a determination like Straw hat luffy.

Interesting. number 10 is interesting.

Yes. Im intriuged by his nonchalant attitude about danger, and yet already have set inside his heart the determination to win despite his foes being stronger than him. I never mentioned about it at work. Recently my collegue went to Thailand for a short holiday, and she got everyone a small keychain of sorts. I got this small pirate doll with a blue hat. Kaizoku Ouja. Consider that coincidence? Or fate? hehe.

Indeed. Im curious as to how are you going to deal with 'rebuffs' in near future?

Well, I'd tell Harold about it. I'd tell mum about it. I'd tell my big brother about it. I'd share it with a couple of closed friends about it. Gaining a conclusive obejective point of view is divine. And it further elevates divinity by praying to God for guidance. And tell myself, I have no fear in disappointments. Every mistake is a point to learn. It'll make me stronger, and I'll achieve what I want to achieve if god permits it ameen.

This tactic of yours. Is it workable?

Everything is possible if you believe.

So this year, in 2009, honestly, how do you comment about Dian's death?

No comments. I'd take her in my stride, knowing that she'd want me to be happy.

I have thus acknowledged the basic sacred covenant in my mind. Mistakes are steps to victory. Never must I fear to make mistakes. There are many opportunities out there for the taking. Never give up on an opportunity. Embrace and not retaliate. Love and not hate. Submit and not give in. Understand and not tolerate. Smile and not frown. Breathe and not drown. Haste, and not waste. Dream and not dwell.

And a footnote. I have made incredible friends who have and yet proven themselves to be the best. The brotherhood. Faiza. And a long lost sweet childhood best friend Nisa. Not to forget my old buddies who has always been there and will be there. Taufiq, Azhari, Alpha commanders. May our memories of strong brotherhood be together binded in faith and kindership. To my family, mum and dad, for having faith and unconditional love for me. To my two little brothers whom I loved so dearly and to whom I put faith and confidence. To my big brother Hasanul for his knowledge and leadership in leading me. To his girlfriend whom I've yet to meet formally. (dun hurt him if you do darn it hehe) To the long lost friends who have shaped me and touched my heart one way or another. To my future university friends may we help each other in our quest to be the best, and also to enjoy undergraduate life hehe. To the Palestinians may you peservere in this times of identity crisis. And ultimately I raise this glass of sincerity to myself.
May you have the strength and courage to push on.

To Muhammad PBUH, I'd make you proud.

And.

To God.

Bless my soul. And hers. And those mentioned above.

And excerpt from my book.

"Bie?"

"ye sayang. Whats up?"

"Are you afraid of death?"

I paused. Perhaps hesitating an answer.

"Yes. And No." Probably the safest answer.

"Bie, I am not afraid."

I paused again. I fear the event that would inevitably unfold.

"And I shall wait for you there at the Gardens of Paradise. Find me ok?"

Tears dripped like the morning dew. The sound of the takbir from the radio echoed through my house. "Make haste, pray your subuh. Now its Aidilfitri." Mum bellowed.

"Insya'allah I will." I put down the phone. A fleeting moment emerged like an eagle hungry for its meal. Death is fear.

2009-01-03T12:06:00.002+08:00

Got this from an email.

Audzubillahisami'il alimimina syaithonir rajim

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In the name of Allah, The Compassionate, The Merciful

ﺍﻠﺴﻼﻡ ﻋﻠيكم

Jangan Sambut 1 Januari!! (New Year) .. Nauzubillah. Buat renungan bersama

Kuliah Maghrib yang disampaikan oleh saudara Zulkifli Nordin .
Dibawah ini adalah intipati kuliah beliau yang sempat disalin. ..

Diantara lain, beliau mengupas ayat 120, surah Al-Baqarah, mafhumnya :-
"Orang-orang Yahudi dan Nasrani tidak sekali-kali akan bersetuju atau suka kepadamu (wahai Muhammad) sehingga engkau menurut ugama mereka yang telah terpesong itu). Katakanlah (kepada mereka): "Sesungguhnya petunjuk Allah ugama Islam itulah petunjuk yang benar". Dan demi sesungguhnya jika engkau menurut kehendak hawa nafsu mereka sesudah datangnya (wahyu yang memberi) pengetahuan kepadamu (tentang kebenaran), maka tiadalah engkau akan peroleh dari Allah (sesuatupun) yang dapat mengawal dan memberi pertolongan kepada mu." [002.120] http://www.quranflash.com/en/quranflash.html
http://www.usc.edu/schools/college/crcc/engagement/resources/texts/muslim/quran/002.qmt.html

Beliau juga menyebut hadith Rasulullah SAW yang berbunyi, lebih kurang :
UmatKu dilalaikan tanpa disedari seperti semut hitam diatas batu hitam dimalam yang gelap. Siang ia Islam, malam ia kufur; dan siang ia kufur, malam ia Islam. Yahudi & Nasarah yang tidak redha akan Islam kita akan menggunakan apa saja cara untuk menyesatkan kita. Sekarang mereka menggunakan cara yang begitu halus sampai kita sendiri tidak sedar yang kita telah mengikuti mereka. Tengok saja disekeliling kita ... Contohnya, haribulan. Berapa ramai yang tahu bahawa cara tarikh Masehi ini ada kaitannya dengan tuhan mereka?

21hb Ogos 2002 AD. Apa maksud AD dibelakang? Makna AD ialah "AnnoDomini" bahasa Latin yang bermaksud "Anno" ialah aku/saya dan"Domini" ialah tuhan dilahirkan. Jadi 21hb Ogos 2002 boleh diertikan sebagai"... beberapa hari setelah tuhan aku dilahirkan. "Nauzubillah ... . Insaflah kita kerana secara halus kita mungkin termasuk dalam kategori umat Nabi Muhammad SAW seperti diatas. Sebab tulah kita dianjurkan supaya beristighfar selalu.

Bila sampai 31 Disember, berapa ramaikah umat Islam yang meraikan tahun baru? Tetapi sedarkah mereka bahawa telah difatwakan oleh Sheikh-ul-Azhar, Sheikh Tantawi, Sheikh Yusof Al-Qardhawi dan Ulama2 contemporary bahawa menyambut 31Dis. bererti menyambut ulangtahun hari jadi tuhan Yahudi dan Nasarah? Bagi mereka yang tidak tahu, hukumnya fasik, tetapi bagi mereka yang tahu (kita sekarang sudah tahu) hukumnya ialah MURTAD. Nauzubillah.

Sesungguhnya yang baik itu adalah dari Allah S.W.T dan yang kurang serta salah dan silap adalah dari kelemahan saya sendiri.

Wallahualam. Dapatlah kiranya dipanjangkan, Insya-Allah kita semua akan diberikan hidayah.

Berpesan-pesanlah kita, walaupun dengan sepotong ayat...

Come to think of it, i did hear Sheikh Tantawi's speech somewhere in the Berita Harian but I forgot when. Something about the obligations of a Muslim in celebrating the New Year.

I suppose many Muslims out there do, one way or another. I think it all depends on the niat.

To me, i dun celebrate, but I reflect. And somehow or rather, I took it in a relax way knowing that it is yet another year to face.

I shall blog about my resolutions and the nostalgic events of 2008, be it globally, socially, politically, or least, personally.

May Allah bless me. And the children of Palestine.

Ameen.

Reliving John Lennon's dream.

2008-12-31T09:27:00.005+08:00

John Lennon and Yoko Ono's interview strikes me deep about the term liberalism, freedom, unification, goodwill, and human's decision-making mechanism.

This one is more cool.

As an artist he viewed the world in abstract. And he emphasized on how important it is to change our perception not like how 'the Maoist did.. why do you need to stand in front of a policeman with a red communist flag and go bla bla bla like tt.. need to attack in a way the establishment cannot understand in order for them not to kill it.'

True. Very true. He recognized the power of ideas among normal people and so he pushed his ideas into music to stir not propaganda like how the Malaysians did, but to make the people think hard and reflect and thus create a new revolution of people with a common mindset that comes not from leaders but from themselves. That was his state of euthopia.

And to think tt actually drug addicts are drug addicts because they live in fear. Fear truly underminds the way people act and react. And everything tt we do is actually based on fear. Even in Islam, the foundation we stand upon is fear. Fear of God. Fear of His limitless Power. So he actually tries to advocate on how actually 'a state of numbness' can overcome that fear and bring about love. That state of numbness can be applied to Islam in an extent. We live in fear, fear of God's wraith, fear of God's Power and Mercy, and so we pray. When we pray, by focusing on One God, everything disappears, everything crumbles and perish, for we stand upon the word 'There is no other god but Allah' and so to say all perish under His Might. And thus we reach a state of numbness- a space of nothingness but only Allah exist.

Even in life we do things in fear. We search for companionship with women because we fear of insecurity and lonliness. We eat because we fear of being hungry. We run because we fear of getting obese. We go out to meet friends and enjoy because we fear of losing the ones we love. Unconsciously, we succumb ourselves to fear. And so John Lennon encourage us to not live in fear. Im not saying you guys and girls need to take drugs. Haha. But what im saying is that to not live in fear is the key to love. Love is what the world needs right now.

Look at the Palestinians. They constantly live in fear. Look at the Israel. They themselves are in fear. Fear of living in another episode of genocide.

John Lennon.

Gosh I want those specs!

And a Yoko as well.

Apek, satu Yoko katai ngan satu cermin mata bulat express!

2am in the morning.

2008-12-30T02:29:00.004+08:00

My optimism view of life was tested today upon reaching home from a rough day at work. Instead of fighting the issue, i choose the latter; closing my eyes and pretend that it was all a bad dream. I woke up at 2 am and noticed this weight on my heart, and I sense that I cannot just ignore such a bad dream after all.

Parents can sometimes turn a blind eye to whatever your contribution you have done in your life, when their egos are tested, so I've noticed. They cause a tantrum everytime you raise an issue as an adult, thinking that you're not adult enough to discuss about it. Firstly, im 21 going 22, and I have proven myself worthy in countless occasions on my loyalty, leadership and presence in the family. There is absolutely no doubt about it. Sacrificing for the family in my point of view is crucial- top priority, in order to sustain an important balance between good and evil in my life. But like I say, that can all go down the drain when parents tend to view their authority over the whole issue, and being oblivious that actually by fact, it was me who had a a major share of it in the issue. Yes you have paid the sum of money, but it was me who facilitated the whole thing, and whenever you needed help I was almost always there to assist, despite the fact that your persuasion in the matter of help can be quite rough and authoritative. Oh come on is it so hard to say, please? Or say nicely? Why must it sound like an order, and like, just barge into my personal space and demand something, in an almost PRC-like tone, and expect something to be done. Im not a student dad. Im your son. I think you kinda forget tt. Sheesh. And mum just kept quiet cuz she knew I'd be sad about it and with her eyes looking at me like that when she open the door and saw me keeping my mouth shut, on my bed, in a distant look, she ask if i have eaten and quietly close the door. She know the drill- I'd complain to her tomorrow when dad's at work. That way this stupid feeling can go away. Sweet mum.

I dreamt about how it was back then. It was simple. I used to have this strong pillar of reliability on my godsisters. And there was diana. There was my buddy Khairul whom I always ponder at awe how he could actually make things look funny all the time. There was Aisyah whom I share almost everything with her. And now look at me.

Back then it was beautiful. When I feel sad or happy, I can have a cup of ice cream with Aisyah, Isz, and many other friends in JC. I mean, its not about how ice cream can solve a problem. Men think in an almost robotic-like practical system- he view things in perspective, and tries to secure a solution to the problems he is facing unlike women who just need emotional comfort. Its about the type of friends I use to have. Aisyah is that sweet soft person who can really reach out to anyone, and have that smile that can cheer a person instantly. Khairul has that ability- almost Samir-like. And Diana is really objective. And I do have the Malay Excos at my support, people like Farhanah and Suli and Muni. So I've noticed.

I have many female friends and only a small number of guy friends. Why do I result myself into woman? That is the issue im pondering now. When Dian was alive, I shunned all my female friends and just combined all those female friends I have into one, thinking that it was the best solution. So when she passed away, things became quite messy.

I always believe, in my point of view, that having a best mate and a best female friend is crucial. It kinda strike a balance in life- both are able to give a balance opinion. However, having a group of female friends is also crucial cuz you cannot rely or depend on a singular perception from women, it needs to be as a whole. unlike guys, cuz guys are just so typical. One guy is all it takes to share. Haha.

And you don't play the guitar over the phone to a guy ryt? haha! I used to sing on the phone to my godsisters, whichever is free. Its just a way to express myself, not a flirtatious action.

But look at me now. Limited in numbers. Limited in time. I seriously cannot wait to uni. Back to a student life. An institution where you are able to orientate or communicate with people. When you work you don't communicate much. Its just work, and home. And home, to work. My optimism view of life is getting thinner. I hope it doesn't reach danger levels. Cuz if it does, then I guess I'd be as miserable as an apek who never buy 4D but number strike lottery.

I can't wait to stimulate my mind in books and intellectual comodity. I can't wait to be compliant to a fixed schedule of mugging and studying w friends, jamming, dancing, things tt used to fill up my life. The alma matter of my life is now all based on the clock ticking to July next yr.

I can start all over again. I can reach out to the need again, find time for community work again. I can discuss with people a common subject to ponder. Oh its so exciting. And I can also curse at myself on how stressed up I've become when the exams comes. Haha.

I believe it all comes down to a singular word.

Challenge.

I need a challenge. A certain injection of adrenaline.

PS: Yo Harold buddy, bring me out and let's do something crazy.

PPS: I actually share the same likings with my cuzzin Aizud about this song. I shall jam with you guys Oasis fanatics soon.

If I'd to fall, will you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all.

Cuz if I have to go, in my heart you grow.
That's where you belong.

The author succumbed himself in fear of losing the ones close to him. He wishes for that tiny moment where everything was like in the past, but acknowledging the fact that it can never happen and so instead he wished something else.

Something else.

And he aspires to live his life like Muhammad, with a slight drop of John Lennon's attributes. Gosh he needs that book by John Lennon.

Quoting from his book, In His Own Write, "And yoko was the one that saved me from this boredom. She is perfect. Personality, and the Oriental Eyes."

2008-12-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if i really deserve all this. but yeah. maybe dian really put a curse on me such tt i have to wait for like dunno how many years before i can.

before i can.

i wun mention tt word anymore.

Melawan Kesepian aka Fighting the quietness

2008-12-26T11:09:00.003+08:00

Apapun yang terjadi
(Whatever that happens)
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
(Keep walking without stopping)
Airmata tertahan
(Tears are hold back)
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan
(When can it fall)

Nanti kita kan tahu
(Later we will know)
Betapa bijaknya hidup
(How clever life runs)
Sepahit apa pun ini
(No matter how bitter it is)
Pelajaran yang bererti
(Its a lesson to be learnt)

Semoga kepergianmu
(May your departure)
Tak akan merubah apa pun
(Would not change anything)
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...
(May I can fight the quietness)

(musid bridge)

Nanti kita kan tahu
(Later we will know)
Betapa bijaknya hidup
(How clever life runs)
Sepahit apa pun ini
(No matter how bitter it is)
Pelajaran yang bererti
(Its a lesson to be learnt)

Semoga kepergianmu
(May your departure)
Tak akan merubah apa pun
(Would not change anything)
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku...
(May I can fight the quietness)

Apapun yang terjadi
(Whatever that happens)
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
(Keep walking without stopping)

Ps:Gosh this song really touch me. And that 'departure' kinda remind me of someone.

The Buto Clan

2008-12-24T18:46:00.004+08:00

I have created a clan of my own on Facebook.

This is my clan.

The Buto Clan.

And so far, I have 10 members in it haha. Soon, 55000 people will be in my grasp!!!

I shall fine myself a good logo for our clan, I gave that particular job to my newly-appointed VP Taufiq Omar haha!

Do add them up and join in the nonsense! If you have been to a stadium before with a crowd of 50,000 watching the Lions try to eat up their prey, then by all means, embody yourself with the power of that single word that sent many Vietnamese in fear. Take a look at this clip and you will understand how powerful it is.

I swear even the apek and the makcik and the xiao ti ti and the xiao mei mei, not the mention the uncle selling magnolia ice cream was shouting that word when you hear that familiar horn sound.

"Pet pet, pet pet pet. Pet pet pet pet!"

Fill up the word that comes after this sentence yourself. You can make a difference in your life. Forget about the fear of rioting. Forget about pain and backstabbing collegues out for your bonuses. Forget about the angst and trauma of life. Let your heart be free, and express what you feel in that single word that drove many Singaporeans into a sea of fanatical frenzy.

And on top of that, I have a new computer. Now all I need is to collect the money wanpee owe me since 06102007. Goodness. If I were to put that some in the bank I cud get 0.5% of interest already. Well, kalau orang dah sesak nak buat camaner kan. Haha, I myself have faced this similar situation before. Not the money borrowing haha. Im more of a money lender, cuz I think alhamdulilah Im financially stable within my means. :) I had to walked from CCK back to Senja Rd my crib just coz my NETS was rejected when I was toping up my EZ link card.

Besides, having a supercomputer is necessary. My dad is currently taking a diploma in media design and I myself am gonna go university next year. So yeah, my house must be ready, fully equipped with the basic facilities for future use. Hahaha!

I have a question for you. Do you think Singapore's lost to the underdog Vietnam was attributed to Agu Cashmir, the lone toothless striker that suffered many angst and boos from the strong 55,000 men and women of the Buto Clan, or is it the Spore Coach losing his touch in tactics after we see major changes in the team's reserve that actually caused the goal, or is it the Vietnamese dirty tactics of drama mama that caused the Lions to be out of focused?

Im still clueless as to how they play. I watched on Youtube the Legend Lions, made up of few old timers like Fandi Ahmad, Abbas Saad, Sundra Murthi, and etc.

Look at how they play. Top class. Look at how Singapore plays now. Like my JC team. Hahha. Sembarang je main.

I think its also a blessing in disguise. Come to think of it, many apek and pakcik who buy number or into soccer gambling got their lessons learnt. They lost quite bad. I heard the security uncle lost 2000 bux already. Haha, padan muke.

Its been a boring day. I guess that's about it.

Chow.

"Pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet pet!"

"But*!!!"

PS: Diana is leaving this 12th Jan to Sweden for a year. Another close friend going away. Darn.

hmm...

2008-12-23T08:02:00.003+08:00

I'm finally giving myself a chance to redeem myself. Yesterday I went on a date with this beautiful chinese girl whos working at DFS. People who knew the position Im in wud say, 'Finally...' while others would clearly be superficial about it and just making obnoxious claims eg, "There he goes again."

It went well I thought. Its been so long since I dated someone. At first I knew I could bring THE hazlami out. But suddenly years of confidence and experience on dating when straight down to my gnarl hole after seeing her standing there waiting to be greeted by me. Back to the lab again Haz.. Goodness. Suddenly I was a nubey.

After watching YES-man we had a cuppa of ice cream at bnj when I saw Yusri and his fellowship which I thought I've seen them somewhere before but after introducing me to his crew I found out they were AJcians. Haha. Well, I have a weak memory cache. Blame it on me.

I love it when I do the 'people analysing' game on her. She was like, 'what the crap is he talking about' and her face has words written on her like, 'Is this guy for real?'. Clearly, it was only 85% accurate, and the previous bugger whom I tested this test rated it 94%, so where's the flaw in it? Hahaha, I must consult Taha in this matter, maybe he can find the missing 15%.

But really, she is uniquely simple. And sometimes in simplicity lies the key to many wonders. What would you say if all you need to do is just think, smile, and make a decision? You do not need to weigh too much the pros and cons. Just follow your mood and heart. That's what I call, simply magnificent. Its really rare. And she has that superb calibre. And I always think women are very very complicated. Perhaps not all of them are. :)

I have a few issues I really need to discuss about the Singapore match that I and my bro and his Maryam attended. And also about this nonsensical song Im playing by the Beatles. But I have to go. Work's a bitch, and bitches started at 10pm. Darn.

Toodles.

PS: I ain't the Eggman, you're the eggman, but I AM THE WALRUS!! I like the walrus. Big teeth to munch upon baby Arfan's cheek hehe. :p

PPS: I know you're reading this, after reading my msg im about to sent to ya later. :) Nice or not my blog? hehe..

Friends or Foes

2008-12-18T22:44:00.007+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I should be there for others when they are not there for me. I wonder how my feelings change from a sincere friendship to just yet another opportunistic attempt on my life. I wonder how my thoughts shaped the view of my fundamental core of friendship when it turns out people are just trying to use me as a tool, like say, only asking me or calling me or contacting me when there's a fucking sale in DFS. Or they just want someone to accompany them, let say, calling on the hp on my outgoing calls singing on the guitar to cheer people up. Or just simply for my calibre of 'saving the world.'

I feel like a prostitute. Maybe this is how those girls at Geylang feel. Fuck.

I wonder how it really feels to be like Peter Petrelli. He is dumb and naive, gullible and, yet again, proven to be a useful tool, but having a heart of gold, that doesn't minus off the negative character. In the book I read somewhere, they say people need STRONG people not NICE people. Well, fuck the book.

I will change my hp soon. I'll cut myself from the world. The world that likes to take opportunities off people. A world where all they need is just me and my stupid antics to say 'tomorrow is going to be ok yeah?'.

I will try to be selfish in my order. Be selfish to be so-called 'strong'.

Well, I guess im just a plain loser trying to find the truth about life and how it runs and am willing to share it to people but people just listen to it for conveniences, and then they just keep digging me like im some kind of a gold mine.

I have a word for all of this. You people want strong people? Go ahead. Please me.

The author is pissed at his inapt to lead a normal life. Sigh, here we go again.
He wishes to be somewhere leading a quiet hermit life.

The many What's and What's not in Kumar's dehydrated impoverished torrid barren brain.

2008-12-05T00:02:00.006+08:00

I realise that I have not been blogging. So since im doing nothing, and honestly speaking, I cannot think of a topic to blog about other than these topics that im still working on- 'Muslim Unity in question' and 'Controversial Issues relating Religion and Worklife'.

So how about I blog about what I feel for a change eh? After viewing my back dated posts that truly portrayed the 'kekentalan' side of me, I saw a change in tone of speech, convey of message in terms of purpose and essence, the sudden extinction of malay poems written by me, and the way I type. It was like, "Woah! Shit. I did grew up after all. At least when they say I look 17, or wadever, I have something under my sleeve to rebut. " Haha!

Needless to say, age does come with maturity. BUT. Age doesn't justify the level of maturity. In fact, you cannot justify anything in this world. The more questions you come up with, the more questions you think rather than solutions waltzing through the millions of what's and what's not.

Like, what is that old woman doing?

She is digging her nose.

Why?

Habit.

Huh?

Or maybe in logical terms, she is clearing her airway.

Why?

Oh, to breathe better?

But why need to breathe better?

Cuz humans cannot survive 2 minutes without air, putting it the first in line in front of water. DUH~

Why do humans need to survive? Why humans need air to survive? Why can't humans survive on water like fishes? Why? Why? Why....?

The true underlying question would be:

What are you trying to ask?

The answer is a question.

What is life?

So as you can see the journey of speech and thought dwells upon the facts, then the logic behind the facts, then the explanation behind the logic, and then the it boils down to one basic question.

Who created such complex system, and why.

It is widely discussed by many theologians and philosophers, that the doctrines of humanity in search of the true meaning of existence and relating themselves to find the core of all reasons-the birth of the universe and the purpose of its birth, is of universal entity. Meaning to say, it is a norm. Scientists work hard to seek such understanding, and while many may argue that science in general is able to answer the many questions that was once deemed, 'religiously benifitting or God-is-the-one-responsible-related subjects', all they did is knowing the mechanics behind the system. But the reason of creation? I myself am mused by such deep thought.

I had a conversation with dad regarding Nur Muhammad, how it coincides with Stephen Hawkings theory of particle creation and big bang. I am still in deep thought about it. But he did mention that for one to acquire such divine knowledge, one must be cleansed from the sickness of the heart.

And my heart is still having major hiccups, not to mention the jealous flu and anger fever. HaaaaCHOOO!

Haha. Im sick in the mind. I think I think to much.

So dun think.

I was hoping you'd say that. But yeah, my curiosity mojo is at full charge everytime so I must know, no matter what. Haha. That doesn't mean im kaypoh.

But seriously, Im facing the dumb syndrome, usually affecting those victims who lack the time spent on the discussion of controversial issues, or intellectual inquisitions, or perhaps, the downsizing of his/her intellectual friends that makes his/her capacity to acquire scintillating information. That'll make me socially inapt. Darn.

The only 'intellectual' person I can refer to at work is my kakak eileen. I know she is reading my blog, haha, and dun kembang eh I praise u, haha, but really, she'd ask me questions that'll make me go on a wild ransacking quest on my absolutely pruned brain.

Harold, if u are reading, kumar feels bored and hopes that Harold drops by his stupid shop when he is on day shift so we can go and do something crazy that'll make Kumar's head twirl once again.

Or perhaps you can give me a defibrillation procedure to jumpstart my dead heart.

Or maybe I want it to remain dead.

Kumar is losing hope on his love life, sub-consciously knowing that the population of girls with soft voices, sweet smiles, deep thoughts, and full of colour, not to mention being demure and not too revolting and daring is at the brink of extinction. He has already beginning to form the what ifs if he were to not marry.

That was when I rule the world. How I wish Im back ruling again.

The world takes a dip into the pot that they've boiled

2008-10-25T21:45:00.009+08:00

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Albert Einstein.

As the world deeps itself into a midst of hell fire, never did they realise that actually the cause of their absolute ambiguity in the predicament of the economic weather comes from thyself.

"Man is the vicegerent of Allah on Earth." (Quran, 2:30)

But do they?

According to Straits Times, the recent fall of the Lehmann Brothers, and other giant banks and henceforth unleashed a domino effect creating disastrous paths that shred Iceland's economy to bankruptcy, and sent ripples throughout Asia. The first country in Asia to hit the fall- Japan, suffered relentless crusade of enormous bank loans and smells of an economic recession.

But the purpose of me discussing the issue is what causes the downfall, but the root reason why it all happened.

A simple answer. Humans are too obsessed with material value and luxurious comfort.

One should notably accept that as the world marches towards a Profound Era, we have staked ourselves with our an-nafs; the idea of luxury and comfort has capitalized our mindset of how we view life as a whole. Detailed structures of thoughts, like ideal lifestyle, the capability to grasp constructive predictions with the aid of technologies and the use of human intelligence to achieve once known to be 'impossible' has made us forget that in perfection, lies the killer slice of a set of anomalies considered to be 'the negative codes of the human spirit.' We have yet to understand and accept, that like the rest that is created, we are imperfect. And even if we do strive towards perfection, we are still imperfect to contain such perfection. It is like a dirty leaking container being filled up with holy pure water. As such, in our own aspects of life, perfection begets imperfection. This is not applicable to God, for He is Omnipotent and Perfect, and His Perfection begets life. And thus, we must reflect on ourselves. Much to our dismay, social dogmatics of what we perceived to be 'luxurious comfort' such as owning a Plasma 30 inch TV, or purchasing a set of Nintendo WII despite having an XBOX 360 or a PS2, or even owning a branded Coach bag but feels it is not the one to be worn during a DnD and thus purchase a new, more expensive bag from Loius Vutton. Such atrocious acts provokes the evil of 'spending more than you desire.' Why encourage ourselves to spend more? I have came across a customer when I was working in DFS. As usual, I pushed sales, informing him that we are having a Mastercard promotion and if she were to use her Mastercard to spend $400, she can redeem $40 DFS voucher. Her response?

"I don't need the voucher. I have that amount of money already."

It is time for us to reflect on our ideas and our principles as we try to sail across a storm many economist predicts to be the worst depression in any age.

I may like to discuss a few aspects of the credit system practiced by the West.

The terms Debit and Credit have latin roots. Debit comes from debere, which means "to owe". The Latin debitum means "debt". Credit comes from the Latin word credere, which means "to believe" or "to entrust".

The first bank card, named "Charg-It," was introduced in 1946 by John Biggins, a banker in Brooklyn, according to MasterCard. When a customer used it for a purchase, the bill was forwarded to Biggins' bank. The bank reimbursed the merchant and obtained payment from the customer. The catches: Purchases could only be made locally, and Charg-It cardholders had to have an account at Biggins' bank. In 1951, the first bank credit card appeared in New York's Franklin National Bank for loan customers. It also could be used only by the bank's account holders.

It is mentioned in a Hadith, "He who grants a respite to one who is in straightened circumstances or who remits his debt, will be saved by God from the anxieties of the Day of Resurrection."
(Muslim).

As mentioned, Islamic Economy encourages respite- giving temporary relief to those who are in debt. Respite as a noun, is clearly defined as 'a (temporary) relief from harm or discomfort'.1 However, the loan system in the West instead introduces usury- a system of interests. According to a hadith by Muslim, "Gold is to be paid by gold, silver by silver, wheat by wheat, barley by barley, dates by dates and salt by salt, like for like, payment being made on the spot. If anyone gives more or asks for more, he has dealt in usury. The receiver and the giver are equally guilty." This shows the amount of instigation the West applies on the World Economy. Clearly, when a person is on debt, by Islamic Farai'd, one should not burden the other.

This concept of open transparency, much evident in many Islamic businesses, and also proven by how Rasulullah SAW trades and deals with Khadijah's trading company until he was given the name 'Al-Amin'; the Honest One, has proven to be a useful medium. Recent market difficulties, most notably the credit crunch, could act as yet another incentive for investors to flock to Islamic banking. The animating religious goal behind the restrictions is to achieve greater social justice by sharing risk and reward. Islamic finance bans people from selling what they don't own, which rules out short selling, and from engaging in contracts deemed to have excessive uncertainty on either side. That rules out traditional insurance, so Islamic banks have instead developed takaful, in which a group of people pool risk.

To be sure, from the Bible to Buddhism, most of the world's faiths have issued warnings against usury, and theologians through the ages have debated the line between permissible and excessive interest rates. But ultimately, in the West, governments and religious authorities deemed some amount of interest permissible.

However in Islam, most scholars deem fixed-interest payments forbidden. For example, the sukuk issuer does not sell a debt, as a traditional bond issuer would, but rather sells a portion of an asset, on which the buyer is then entitled to receive rent. Likewise, rather than take out an interest-bearing loan, a business in need of financing might enter a musharaka, a partnership with profit-and-loss sharing. And thus, instead of burdening the party, it encourages another business opportunity.

The world’s 100 largest wholly Islamic banks, according to Asian Banker Research, hold almost $350 billion in assets and reported an average yearly asset growth rate of 26.7 percent, outpacing the 19.3 percent growth recorded by the world’s largest 100 conventional banks in 2006.

The growth of Islamic Economy is attributed to a few factors.

Increase in Islamic awareness since the 911 event. Ibrahim Warde, author of Islamic Finance in the Global Economy and an adjunct professor of international business at Tufts University says, 'there was a feeling in many countries that Islam was a religion under siege.'
Malaysia's intelligent approach towards Islamic Banking. After the 911 events, the US administration froze several prominent Saudis, which triggered other wealthy Arabs to withdraw their funds from the United States. Incapable of investing their funds in their respective countries, they turn to Malaysia's sophisticated Islamic finance. Malaysia was the first country to introduce sukuk (islamic bond) This spurred competition and the emergence of Islamic Economy.
The whole idea is a fundamental approach to money. Islamic banks operate on the principle of sharing risk and reward among all parties in a business venture. Money cannot make more money. Money must be used productively. This fundamental theory does not work in tandem to the western ideologies of interest-making economy. The fall of Lehmann Brothers, and following a ripple of destruction that spreaded across the globe until Iceland was nearly state-bankrupt showed the crippling side of such structure. An alternative to the once powerful economic structure is refreshing and after all, the transparent way of dealing with shares- open concept of where the money is funded, and equal sharing of risk provides a more safer conservative approach.
Result-orientated people will expected better outcomes from investments in islamic banks. Supporting this statement is second finance minister Mohamed Nor Yakcop in the three-day summit in the Bahraini capital manama. He emphasized that none of Malaysia's Islamic banks have been hit by write-downs resulting from the crisis and the resulting global credit crunch. He said holders of sukuk or Islamic bonds have been shielded from the worst effects of the subprime mortgage meltdown. This might be partly due to the fact that Islamic Banking investors are not involved in the international economic conflict. But largely, the very basis of gaining money by means of sukuk instead of interest makes Syariah-abiding economic concept more interesting and stable.

In summary, the cause of the International Economic Depression is for us to put the blame on ourselves, and not subjecting ourselves to worldy-needs, but rather, investment in enhancing our growth in iman and iksan; the spiritual guidance by submitting ourselves to Islam and the latter, by helping the poor and in need across the globe, and also by enhancing understanding in the core definition of 'progression'- not by perceiving it as wealth and power, but progression as having a fundamental understanding as a human being moving forward to gain new knowledge, and sharing the world what he/she sees, and taking a paradigm shift in the responsibilities of wealth and power- can there be peace.

And to sum it all up, the growth of Islamic finance will spur more others to indulge themselves into a more prospectable operation, and thus my personal prediction would be, the welcoming prospects of an awakening strong Islamic Economy, with a birth of its own currency, perhaps, dinars, and the march towards the end of time, with Islamic Nations unified under a banner, socially, economically, and politically, and with that, the Golden Era of Islam led by the return of Jesus (Prophet Isa A.S) and muslim leader Imam Mahdi, and thus the sudden dip in humanity, and carrying with it, the ultimate destruction of Life, as God has decided.

May Allah save us all. Wslm.

Moving on to a softer note, I must apologise for my demise from the world. I understand I was away for more than a month or two. I have subjected my own thoughts to my own, and went to exile to learn more about myself and what I must do in life. And thus, I think I became a better person. Now to just brush up on my harsh uncivilised vocabularies as pointed out by a fierce woman who has made feelings with my big brother. Haha.

Yesterday was fun. Although the BBQ didn't turn out the way we wanted it to be, but we boys couldn't care less. Instead, we went back to Harold's crib and cooked burgers, and with my big brother, me Taha and Harold spent the rest of the days laughing and cursing each other as we battled out as a team playing my ps2 in soccer. It was a joyful experience, as I was untouched by the world ever since the 20th of Ramadhan. I can view it as a refreshing start to the many stupid antics of Hazlami.

And to top it all off, Harold and Kumar are back! Hahaha! Ok maybe Arafat (that's what Harold's mum call Taha) also, but still, the spotlight is on us haha! Wait for me buddy!

We shall conquer the world!! (but maybe SIM first la haha)

PS: This song spurs me on to be the best.

Orewa, Kaizoku Ouja!!!!!!!

Citations

[1] American Psychological Association (APA):

respite. (n.d.). WordNet® 3.0. Retrieved November 15, 2008, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/respite

Salamat Belated Berayer Semua!

2008-10-12T23:25:00.007+08:00

Goodness, how time flies! Little did I know it has been about 2 weeks since I last blogged! I was carried away with the deco of the house, the Japanese tests that I have, and also work! Sheesh! The absence of a good intellectual conversation eventually limited my brain capacity in which is evident by the fact that I cannot even see the conspiracy or perhaps, the Almighty's Masterplan set upon the world. This is, of course, in relation to the current dramatic economic breakdown that sent giant banks such as AIG and Lehmann Brothers down to the drain. (of course after 1 week of thought I finally realise there might be a conspiracy that can be linked all the way from the Sept 11 attack, or even earlier than that!!)

Hari Raya has been a quiet event for me this year, maybe because of having a shift job that killed my weekends spontaneously. Today is my SECOND raya outing with my parents since first day of raya. How pathetic is that!

Kinda missed the spiritual feeling of raya. It only lasted 2 days before back to the labs with Chinese dudes honkering loud characters at my face.

So to me Hari Raya this year can be compared to two years back, when I was in Taiwan celebrating raya there, but the feeling only lasted 2 days before Ex Warrior commenced. So I have no choice but to focus my energy for the grueling 8-9 days in outfield doing nothing but walking in the cold blistering night and fight an endless battle with non-existing enemies. Although I must say Uncle Fadly did made it special, with his cool new CANON camera! He takes pictures of me like a model say hehe. :p and I also got to take a picture with nenek!

Pardon my nyaee, she's very emotional when it comes to taking pictures, she'd say like, tak tau plak biler nyaee nak mati, nanti amie boleh tatap muka nyaee kalau rindu nyaee yer...

Hensem tak abang2 nie? Kalau hensem, bleh masok minang pasal skrg gue sudah masok 21 beb! I have a Nikah certificate already, so I have the knowledge too! Haha! The downside would be I have no money for the dowry, sorry, but I can offer you my koran buruk if u want hehe..

I had fun learning japanese! They have 3 languages sey, but well, since I NEED to learn it, NOT cuz of the girls but tts just a partially influential factor, but because of the prospects, I have to go thru it man. Damn its tough learning a new language. Its not like learning maths- tts so practical. Language however, needs alot of holistic approach to it. It carries the notion of culture, understanding, technical essence, and many more. Often did we realise tt when a Caucasian professor with a major in Malay studies sounds funny when they speak our language, much of it applies to me as well. And im more worried of how I'd sound like rather than actually learning how to converse. Darn.

Much of my time is spent on either housework with baby Arfan keep crying, or helping mum with the house, or work, or....

DFS SOCCER TOURNAMENT!!!!

Well, we won! DFS SCOTT TEAM WON!!

Guess who is the bugger who got the man of the match title, and a 80 bux worth of DFS cash voucher?

Me.

Hahaha! I dun even see myself playing that well, but out of the 3 matches that was played, I scored 3. Makes me the top scorer as well. But still, a yellow card from arguing with a Mat-player playing for DFS Airport cud be a minus point, however still, I got tt cash voucher and damn im H.A.P.P.Y!!

First match was with the old timers at DFS warehouse. Many of them were old gags. At first I was tasked to be the left winger in the 8-aside game, though I still prefer the nice comfortable right postion. First half was gruelling- old timers cannot be judge lightly. They may look old, but their spirit is young. They pressured the game, and took control most of it. But we scored first, thanks to Usop, my collegue, who played the playmaker. They scored back. However, 10 min to final whistle, i switch to the right, and played one-two passing with Usop, and as I ran thru the middle and back to the right, the defender got confused, and a nice chip from Usop gave me the chance for a volley pass the outstretched goallie. And 3 min till end game, I gave a fruitful long shot from the left, and the ball soared into the net. It was luck plus good timing- I saw the keeper not in position to catch a strong punch to the right corner post. So I just gave it a try. Haha!

2nd match was disastrous! I was unable to find my spot as I was shadowed by the likes of Airport Mat-players, few whom understaood the meaning of sportmanship. I subbed myself towards the end of first half, cursing myself for not able to find space. We conceded two goals, and lost.

the 3rd match however, was very spirited. This is because if we were to win this match against DFS Chai Chee, we are champions. So we started strong, and I was given the right wing to play with Usop and james.

A nice visioned pass from Usop gave me the space to run to the right and cross the ball in, only to found the ball at the back of the net thanks to James our striker. And at the end of first half, I scored another goal after a counter attack, and I easily ran pass this middle aged defender and shot my goal. Second half we played defensive, and I was subbed with a stronger bigger guy. Haha! And well, the referee blowed the whistle, and we won! Whee!

I played good, and felt that I could even be compared to Theo Walcott, since I was wearing the no 14 jersey. Hehe. Chey! Macam betol je. Lari sikit je mintak air, nak steb Walcott konon..

Ok enough with my crap. Lets discuss real matters.

Im not sure but im researching on the reasons that led to the downfall of the economy. Sub prima loans, and many other factors made giant banks facing big loans as well, and in the end, they face bankruptcy. The shares when down, and Allied US countries felt the pain instantaneous. Take a look at Germany. Large firms and banks closed down. Japanese insurance agencies (hope Mika isn't affected bohoo) too took the deep. Asian economy fluctuates, as it has influences with the US economy.

Now I have a question for you. Does it sound a bit too exaggerated?

Things began to unfold eversince the September 11 attacks. It has led to the Afghan war, which has led them to nowhere, and now that country is at war with militia and in ruins, and also the Iraq war, where they couldn't find the sensationalised 'WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION', and until now, the issue of how US takes his own decisions in 'helping' the world community raised alot of unanswered questions. And now the economy.

It all started when I read that the US government actually bought a large percentage of AIG, and injected billions to so-called 'save' the economy. So far, whenever US tries to be the hero, things went from bad to worse. And since when did US showed the capacity to be a hero?

When the US govt bought a large share of the capitalism-driven economy, that means they have absolute power in the economy. They do not need to rely on capitalists- they hold a large share, and thus, they have a larger role in the stakes. As such, they have control over the economy. I must put emphasize on the US govt having control of the economy now as compared to before, when US hold a large influence on the world economy due to its capitalism.

Now, as you all would know, nearly more than half of US advisory board is made up of Jews. The banks, since the age of time when banks are born, Jews are the one who created the interest-system, a small injection of money in the economy will roll back in triple fold; a fold comes from the money itself, but it'll take time, another fold comes from the interest, and another fold comes from the gains made by the investment made by the injection of capital.

To them, its a win-win situation.

But take a look at this. It was reported in the news that in this crisis, in fact, ISLAMIC banks are not affected at all. Why is this so?

This is because Islamic banks do not play interest, or riba'.

In fact, Islamic banking is at rise.

So I can view the whole scene into two simple scenario-

1)It is a US-led conspiracy in ruling the world, by taking over the economy, for now the US govt has mandate and rule over the economy after injecting billions of dollars to 'save' the economy. With a Jew-backed advisory committee, and infering to the Sept 11 attacks where statistic showed a sudden absence of Jews in the two towers on that fateful day only, I can only conclude theoritically and hypothetically that perhaps US govt has a hidden agenda with respect to all the things that has happened.

2) It is God's willed that nearing kiamah, Islam will take control of the economy, which will bring rise to the birth of a new Islamic revolution led by Imam Mahdi and the return of Prophet Isa A.S as promised by the book of Allah, the Holy Quran.

So now let us look at the economy and the world and see how it goes.

Salam Ai'd Fitri Minal A'idiwal fa'izin.

PS: I love this song! Truly Oasis! Live forever mate!!

A ramadhan to remember

2008-09-27T01:43:00.005+08:00

As the end of Ramadhan drews nearer, the gates of the world starts to open. I have isolated myself from people, from friends, from habits, from evil deeds, for the whole month.

It is time I apply it after Ramadhan.

And my heart is at peace, after going through turmoils and turmoils of that 18 september. It is fresh in my memory still, but after spending a quiet time with myself on my birthday, I find it yet another successful attempt by myself in moving forward from this state of emptiness. It is amazing how a sunset at esplanade riverside can do to a person like me who is undergoing a major paradigm shift in life. I tried going against it, forgetting it, and many other means, but I have discovered that it is only within thyself; the ability to understand and accept the shortcomings of my own, the setbacks, and the reason behind all that has happened, the function of the reason, and ultimately, the purpose of the function, that has the power to heal.

Ramadhan proved yet again to be the best of periods amongst the many periods in a year. Alhamdulilah. By meditating in the dark, I can see myself in amidst of Allah's creation, and finally, as I closed my eyes to the nothingness, I see myself empty. Only that existed in my heart was our Lord, even His name vanquished. All I could feel is the comfort of being under His Mercy.

Now I can roughly protect my heart from unwanted criticism on people. Usually when I take the public transport via MRT, when I see punks and minahs and mats, I'd have negative thoughts on them. Same goes to latecomers during Friday Prayers.

Just now as I was rushing to pray, my mum had to ask me to take care of baby arfan first as she needed to take a quick shower. I was like, oh God im gonna be late.

When I reached the mosque, the khutbah was nearly at end, and as I stood at the doorway, holding my hands up high to doa, people at the 2nd floor stared at me. It was an uncomfortable stare- I know I was late. But I had a reason. So it opened my eyes to the faults I did before.

Do not judge people to quickly. In fact, judge yourself.

Ustaz Abu Zaki once said if i cud recall, kalau nampak org, kene pagar hati dari berkata2, tepis sangkaan buruk yg menjelma, dan kutuk diri sendiri, dan doa kepada Allah.

I think Ramadhan has made me into a better person. I saw the punks in the MRT, and I quickly told my heart, that they are better than me- my sins are far more heavier in Allah's eyes as compared to them cuz they are still young. They do not know, but I know. And I still act upon myself, all the sins that was already forewarned by Allah. I am a bad person. Perhaps even, when they grow older, they'd change to be someone better than me, and that when I die, these are the people who are gonna pray for me.

And I can feel the sacrifices of mum and dad. I recently spent 200 bux just on decoration purposes in IKEA last week. I was kinda pissed at it since my pay is quite low, and I sense there is a dire need to save up for university next year. I complained to my dad about it, hoping to get a few reimbursement, but instead my dad simply replied," That is nothing compared to years and years I have invested on bringing all of my beloved children up."

I went silent. After all these years I have failed to see myself as a small shrimp in this big ocean.

So I put a niat that I have given alms to my family, to help them. It was an ikhlas attempt to train my heart.

Alhamdulillah, recently I received a letter about the GST credit, and I got 275 bux. So God has given back something, and even more. Furthermore, Im receiving my monthly pay on Hari Raya itself. And Allah has granted me health such that I did not fall sick and so I have not taken any unpaid leaves. That means a full month pay!

I am at peace. I see Allah shaping me. Previously I was saddened about God's decision to not let me enter university dis year, however, instead, I gain so much more this year. I can see where my ship is heading. Allah wants me to be a better person, He gave me a year to gain experience. Life experience. Job experience. Multi-language opportunities. Alhamdulillah. :)

I found myself, and right now Alhamdulillah I know my strengths and weaknesses.

And I recently made contact with someone dearest to my heart, a human soul by the name of Hamizan- the most kind-hearted person I have ever met in my whole life. Recent events turned our friendship upside down, but now after asking forgiveness on my bdae, I told myself, her passing was a curse, but there is a gift in disguise. Alhamdulillah.

Everything happens for a reason, it is true.

And to top it all of, I received a long awaited email from a dear friend. And it really made me so happy.

Finally I got her picture haha! Mika. You are so simply interesting.

and she is already showing off the pictures I given her to her parents. She wrote in the email, that she boasted my pictures to her parents. Puzzled, I asked why. She replied that I was the first guy she emailed to, the first foreign guy she has ever had, and to make it even better, she likes chocolate-coloured skin guys like me. Hehehe.

on hari raya, it'll be our first video call. Cannot wait! Yata!!

PS: This song is hailed as the best song Oasis has ever produced. 13th October will be the day of reign and celebration for Oasiscoholic fans like me.

DIG YOUR SOUL OUT mates!

A birthday without you

2008-09-25T00:08:00.004+08:00

Happy birthday to me.

And i can still clearly hear your voice in my ear, as I could remember, that moment when you wanted us to talk until the clock struck midnight, just to say Happy Birthday to me.

Im 21 now.

A full adult.

Now as I look upon the world with my eyes, all I can see is you.

You meaning love.

And so today marks the first step, the first milestone, in spreading your love to the world.

On the 25th of September, year 2008, as I reach my prime age of adulthood, I would see the world in a new perspective. Gone were the days of bgr, monkey love, stupid pranks, childish remarks. I must change, to be a wise man. To be able to lead my family, and myself, in search of Allah's grace.

It feels strange, to celebrate my birthday in this solemn atmosphere. Perhaps I kept comparing to what i received last year. You gave me all of your attention in a single day. And now, I can remember it for the rest of my life. How strong the impact is eh. To be able to share what I really feel with someone so close. And all you would say, is, 'Its gonna be ok, haz. Im here. I will go thru it with you, no matter how hard it is. Muacks.'

And the card you gave me. It was the most beautiful thing in the world. I kept looking at it, hoping to hear a slight blur of your voice in my head, of how you'd sound like if you were to say it in my face, with that smile, and that sincerity.

It feels strange, to celebrate my birthday in this sadness. This is because im living with the knowledge that it will happen only once in my life, and that it can never happen again.

I heard this phrase before somewhere.

"You live once. You die once. You love once."

I have lived once. I will die soon. But have I loved you once?

I think I do.

The author is reminising the days when he celebrated his birthday in Ramadhan last year with Dian, and he received his 20 suprises. And the best of all, it was that phrase she keep saying to him, until I fell asleep, until 25th September 2007 became nothing more than a memory. And he is celebrating it in a quiet trance by himself, hoping to look back at what he has done, his past mistakes, his flaws and weaknesses, that shaped him to what he is now. The author thinks that death actually comes like a blessing in disguise.

She kept saying.

"I love you, bie. Forever."

Indeed.

Cuz if have to go,
in my heart you'll grow
That's where you belong.

Im outta time

2008-09-23T01:14:00.003+08:00

This is a song from the newest oasis album, Dig Out Your Soul.

It is so soulful.

And it brings life to my empty nut.

As I ponder on the things that I've done wrong in this life. So many. So many unheard and heard.

Is God truly merciful? And only through this painful testimony shall I try and erase the sins that I've done. I must dedicate myself to the goodness of this life.

Does everybody deserve a second chance?

Im just scared that the kifarah would be a test that I can't bear. I am really shameful of myself. I am a bad person. I do not deserve paradise.

But I do not want to go to Hell either.

So how actually does a human spirit achieves God's Grace?

Does it fall under the term, submit? Submit can be a simple word, but to act upon such notion would be implausible. I see myself not able to submit fully. There are so many sins that I did. And I should be aware of it. Many of it I was aware off, but fail to stop.

Why is this so? Is this because my heart is darkened by years and years of unclean actions and thoughts? Is my mirror that tainted and dirty, until I can't even see myself in the mirror?

I can only see my own shadow. Grim and dead.

Oh Allah, bless me with your Grace. Have mercy on me. Have mercy. I beg you.

I am tortured by this guilt.

So do I deserve Lailatul qadar? I try my best to do good things, but in the end, the bad things always overcome the good deeds that I did. It can never be enough.

So does this thought, supports the notion of the relation to submit?

Submit. Hmm. To give my all, to the omnipotent being..

Must try.

PS:

If I'm to fall
Would you be there to applaud
Or would you hide behind them all
Because If I am to go
In my heart you grow
And that's where you belong

Its as though dian is whispering to me this very words. Sigh.

And thanks Wanpee. I do remember the incident in the bunk. And you were there for me. No words nor actions can ever replace such brotherhood. You are indeed a friend. Pray for me.

Cuz if I die, a good friend won't cry over my death, but instead, pray for me. And that is what I hope to achieve. To help others, so in turn when I die, people would pray for me. Its gonna be cold and dark in there.

2008-09-21T01:20:00.003+08:00

I can't seem to put it all away. I have a very strong migraine, preventing me from slumber. And I kept seeing u in my mind.

I made up my mind.

I shall wait for you.

Till the end, remember dian? till the end.

Now I shall spread your love to the world, and remain as faithful as I can for you.

I try. I must.

Happy Birthday

2008-09-18T00:32:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday dian.

I cannot stop crying. I just miss you so much. So so much. so much. so so so much.

I feel so alone. I feel so so alone.

No more of your sweet words. Ever again.

No more of your smiles. No more. No more at all.

I feel so alone. I feel so much pain. You are gone forever, and all I could do is just think about you.

About how both you and I in our little cottage with a garden of roses. No more, no more.

How can you be gone, when you are in my heart.........................

Dian.

I love you.

And I will always love you.

My little princess. My little baby duck. My dian.

Happy 19th birthday my sweet baby.

sigh.

PS: Tak akan, terganti. Setiap kenangan yang telah terukir.

This song is for us. What I feel is what this song is saying. Exactly. Word by word.

sigh. Sampai kapankah aku mampu bertahan...

tomorrow

2008-09-17T10:56:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is the 18th September.

Tomorrow is the day my heart will start to break and crumble all over again.

Tomorrow is the day the memories will rush in like a dam releasing the power of the river.

Tomorrow is the day of regret and remorse.

Tomorrow is the day I'll throw myself in the shadows of guilt.

Tomorrow is the day I'll remember myself as a murderer.

Tomorrow is the day I celebrate our 1 year, 5 months, and 2 days of our forbidden love.

Tomorrow is the day I'll remember your voice that resonates and touches my hard soul.

That soft, cheery voice that is long gone.

That laughter which always creates a smile on my face.

That cries of help whenever you're in pain.

That soft tears of love whenever you miss me so much.

I cannot face tomorrow alone. And every letter that I typed out now holds the very tears im weeping, trying to face the death of a beloved soul.

A soul that changed my life for the better. A soul that opened my eyes to the inevitable. That there won't be anymore of you, ever again.

Ever again.

Why is it so hard to let it all go, oh Allah.........

Why do I keep crying everytime I think of her, oh Ar-Rahman..

Why can't I face the truth, ya Rahim....

I know you love her oh Allah, but her love is still with me, and it is overwhelming, that everytime I see the rain drops falling from the sky, I see her in the skies, crying for the world...

Dian..

Kau memang tercipta untukku.

sigh.

Japanese mania

2008-09-16T12:14:00.007+08:00

Just after making the previous post, perhaps God is listening to my woes of not having much of an interesting week, interesting events began to unfold the past two days.

Let me tell you the story.

It was 7.55pm, and I was at the arrival hall, filling up the empty space with the CUP/NETS promotion guy, waiting for any SAYONARA shopping groups to make an entrance. I was talking, as usual, to the promoter, a nice casual chinese guy, about MIOplan and the conspiracy of how I can actually take over DFS much to his amusement, when two sad-looking nervous-wrecking pretty-smelling jap girls came up to me. As per normal, I greet them.

"Konbanwa!", I said with a smile on my face. My smile was exceptional there, they say over at DFS that my smile is baby-like, and even the General Manager noticed it and was talking abt it to my Manager.

They smiled, and then they say in japanese, I cannot decipher much of it, but I try to understand what they are trying to say. They say something about how they got left by the group, and they showed me their tour schedule, and they wrote bits of english words like, PROBLEM, PLANE, 2355HRS, LOST, SCARED, MISS.

So I was like, ok. Calm down, I promise I help. So I made a lot of calls. Called their HIS agent, and I was referred to many agents, but at last I called my so-called 'girlfriend' Ms Lincy Kwan, a 35yearold Jap Tour Agent who was willing to look up to HQ to search their name.

They were in luck. And so HIS is picking them up at DFS at nine pm.

Haha, so I told them in Jap, like this,"I guess Superman has saved you. They picking you up at nine."

They were so happy, and I even offered them to carry their luggage to the luggage counter, and asked them to collect their bag at nine.

So feeling satisfied helping a customer, I went to GST counter, following my time table.

I sat there alone, thinking of how I should do more, to make my service better. Perhaps communication is at lack. And thus I made a vital promise to myself to take up Japanese Language as the next language, putting aside Arab.

And suddenly, I saw them walking towards me, and they say they were looking for me, and they bought me a box of Godiva chocolates. How sweet! and so I say la, "Beautiful girls from heaven come to give me a gift. So nice."

They introduced themselves, Mika Yamauchi and Satoko Shimada. Both are living in Tokyo, Japan. And they offered me to come to Japan to hang out with them. They gave me their email address, and asked me to email them, keep in touch. And the best part of all, Mika gave me a fleeting kiss!

Goodness, in RAMADHAN?! Bergegar iman aku. But I knew it was just a friendly one. So when they are about to leave, I bid them farewell, and Mika say something in broken English, like, Thank you, I love you.

Hahahahaha. I don't think they really understand the context of that phrase in Singapore.

But nevertheless.
As you can see, I intentionally covered the writings of dear Mika's email add and her friend. And yesterday I also receive a bunch of goody Japanese sweet snacks from another Japanese girl. Hahaha. What a life. I am beginning to enjoy this work.

Im soo going to Tokyo. Next year dude!

Oh shit, baby Arfan is crying. Gotta go!

Look at his big juicy yummy voluptuous cheeks! hehehe..

Life in DFS

2008-09-14T12:21:00.002+08:00

I got to admit, time pass very fast the moment my life is filled up with work. There isn't any interesting things happening, so I guess tt's the reason why I don't actually blog much. Most of the stuff I think about happen in the 190 bus on my way to work, or im stoning in that cold relentless air-con driven arrival hall waiting to greet the hordes of PRC and Japanese people.

I keep walking past the swatch department, looking at that lil piece of assortment called watch, which cost a whoopping 316 bux. With my staff disct, I still need to pay at least 200bux. Damn.

It hadn't been an interesting week. More indonesians are coming in DFS, and so my manager is pleased that im there helping to speak in their language. Its not tt hard actually.

Scanning cards, issue disct cards, do GST forms, report groups, nothing more than a bunch of systematic procedures. Gone were the days I actually fumbled the walkie talkie trying hard to remember what I need to say in order not to screw up.

Who works on SUNDAYS?!! Goodness. But im trying to hit the 3mth probation. And then im off for another adventure.

All I need is a surprise, and alot of randomness to fill in the empty cup of creativity of mine.

Ramadhan, bulan yang suci

2008-09-10T00:07:00.004+08:00

Ramadhan El-Mubarak my dear friends!

The month of forgiveness has arrived, full of blessing and rahmah. After having living in this world for 21 years, I have seen many who yet again fail to recognize the true essence of ramadhan, and of course, im in dismay of myself as well, for having picking up the notion of Ramadhan quite slow, that is to be totally honest, only began shortly after a scolding and a reminder by my beloved parents about the do's and don'ts of Ramadhan. And of course, hail and many salutations to those who feel the barakah of the month.

Priorities as such much change in accordance to my absolutely misleaded life.

As I sat reading the Quran in Al-Falah, awaiting patiently for the beautiful serenade of the azan, I pictured myself in the past, and a sudden rush of memories came flashing across my mind. Truly enough, I was misleaded, yet again. Army life snatched away my iman and islam, and much to my disappointment, the ikhsan that has been with me since my dad shared with me his view on the term, insan kamil, back when I was 16.

A difference between a muslim, and a mukmin, is 3 things. Islam, Iman, and ikhsan. And a mukmin is referred as insan kamil, a spirit that bears not single drop of tarnished sin, filled with light of Allah, and barakah of the Prophet SAW, and whatever he sees, feels, taste, touch, hear, are all Allah. In his everyday life, he thinks non but Allah, even the food that he eats, he sees Allah, he says.

I went weak all of a sudden. Allah has given me so much, yet I failed to see Him. I was blinded by dunia, the wealth of materials, company of friends, and comforts of life.

And as i watch my tears drop down, an African muallaf came up to me, and asked me nicely, why are you crying ya wallad.

I answered.

"My brother, I have strayed away from Allah. I do not deserve His forgiveness. I do not deserve a place in Paradise, nor did I want to be in Hellfire. I have done so many wrongdoings. I have commited so many acts of selfish ideas. I have not been praying constantly back then. I have been swayed by the pleasures of friends who too are blinded by dunia. I should have been a better person. I should have encouraged myself and my friends to do good."

He looked at me, his eyes covered with a thin layer of tears, and replied calmly.

"My friend, Allah is All Forgiving. And His Mercy overcomes His Wrath. He is always guiding you, as much as how he is guiding me. And only through the mistakes you make will you understanding the motive of Allah's actions against you. Its not the within, but within the within lies the truth. Don't be discourage. Keep istighfar. I assure you, the bad things that you have done, cannot match mine."

God has send me his words of wisdom through a stranger whom I knew little of his background. But nevertheless, I was enlightened.

Recent events took a toll on my Ramadhan. There has been spreaded misunderstandings between me and a few members. I apologise on my behalf, but surely I do have a reason in doing so.

I shall put it in a simplified way.

In order for one to be accepted in a certain structure, not just any structure, but a structure that bears connotations of purpose, the person must first be able to achieve the structure's purpose in a manner of individualism.

Meaning, if a person wants to join a Muslim organisation, he must instill in him the primary core values of a Muslim.

Same goes to the issue we are facing. I was wronged. But it is time that we all change for the better.

As I walked down that alley and saw the amount of Malay people not in the mosque but actually 'lepakking' and doing nothing but absolute rubbish, in Ramadhan, I noticed how it changed my perception on myself. I cannot deliver what you seek. For the priorities that you people hold differs with mine greatly.

On a lighter note, do bear in mind that it is not my wish to hurt anyone. But rest assured that I have never forgotten the sacrifices we went together as a team. It is time for as to take a paradigm shift.

Hijrah my friends. I am encouraging myself, and all of you, to move forward, and not just sit around doing nothing.

My notion of acting 'fruitfully' is- having achieved primary goals like bonding, and not to forget our religious obligations, for it is but mandatory for Muslims to prioritise his or her commitments wisely in Ramadan.

We must act now. Ramadhan comes once. Who knows I might not see the next one with you people. A friend once told me, that sometimes people are not ready to change, or accept a change.

Think of it, in this way.

You may not know when you are going to die. Rasulullah SAW once said, a wise man is a person who always think about death.

Blame it on secularism, for clouding our young minds with fear of death. In fact, a true muslim not like me, must embrace death, for only with death is the beginning of life. Eternal life that is.

So when you think of death, and you know there isn't any answer to exactly when are you going away, so will that push you to think that it is not but now to change?

Sudah menjadi lumrah kehidupan di dunia
Cabaran dan dugaan mendewasakan usia
Rintangan dilalui tambah pengalaman diri
Sudah sunnah ketetapan Ilahi

Deras arus dunia menghanyutkan yang terleka
Indah fatamorgana melalaikan menipu daya
Dikejar dicintai bak bayangan tak bertepi
Tiada sudahnya dunia yang dicari

Begitu indah dunia siapa pun kan tergoda
Harta, pangkat dan wanita melemahkan jiwa
Tanpa iman dalam hati kita kan dikuasai
Syaitan nafsu dalam diri musuh yang tersembunyi
Pulanglah kepada Tuhan cahaya kehidupan
Keimanan ketakwaan kepadanya senjata utama

So now I might be close in my search for my purpose in this life. Have you guys thought about yours? Or the purpose is but a mere insight of nothing but simplified laughter?

It is drastic. It is evil. But do evil for the greater good. Insya'allah, we will succeed.

Besides this, I have written on my scrap bk abt our Mua'lim, Muhammad SAW.

Its a short one, but I guess I have not been updating this blog. I will try to change the skin to a more, reader-friendly type, and few personal notations, but more of life and human behaviour, as per what I see.

"Ash hadu alla ila ha illah. Astaghfirullah. Nas alukal jannata wana'uzubika minannar."

"Allah huma innaka 'afurun tuhibbul afwa fa fu'an na."

Ya karim.

2008-08-21T11:05:00.003+08:00

I've yet to post about the Prophet PBUH since it is the month of Sya'aban, but im not given the time to think. Its always work work work. Gone were the days that I enjoyed typing or thinking on Sundays, where the process usually begins in the toilet.

How I really wish I have a new job that only eats up my weekdays, and I am able to do community work on sats, and on sun, some time alone with myself. Well, that's the perks of being single see. When others have to report strength to their mates after work, I can simply enjoy the Orchard breeze as I pillowed thru the thousands of shoppers blistering within the compound.

I have a few job options:

1) Work with MCYS, get paid while do community work, but the pay is nuts, and yet the sat sun is free for me to wallow myself in my own domain.

2) Work with HP, go to schools and be an IT assistant, that way it'll be 5 days a week, the pay is quite good, plus its 8-5, so im able to teach tuition, or perhaps, work abit harder by taking up part time jobs, and still, my sat sun is untouched.

But option 2 requires a help from a friend, who hasn't been able to provide me with the necessary details due to lack of time and the ability for a guy to multi task. That's why im kinda disappointed see. But still, im being patient.

Its just that, the more I work in DFS, the more sin I commit. People keep complimenting me, say how gd looking i amla but in fact when i see the mirror I look like a burnt chicken with horrible specks, and how hardworking i amla, but in fact im like stoning all the way, my mind wandering to another part of the universal dimension. And there are so many women who flaunt their wealth and body. Some japanese and PRC even gave me their hotel room number, or waiting for me to finish my job so they would want me to bring them ard Singapore. They offer me service.

Look, I ain't a prostitute, nor do I qualify to even look like a male gigolo.

I think they need a spectacle change. Cuz the way I see it, I look terribly ugly.

Anyways, I have been reading this book entitled, 'God's debris', written by Scott Adams. Basically, im getting more and more fanatical in thinking as I scour thru the pages.

Goodness, how many questions can a human being answer sey? Its like, God is the universe, and we are just a 150ml bottle. You fill me up to the rim, the more u fill the more it overflows. So the limit in a human's mind is, well, limited I would say.

Anybody care to share with me job options? Anyone?

Duh, no one is. Bleargh. So much for humanity. Hehe.

Btw, I dedicate this song to all the people of the world, suffering from war, poverty, opression, political instability, disease, and the worst, cancer.

May God put His love in our hearts so that we can spread it to all, to everyone, for that is lacking in the hearts of men.

2008-08-17T14:59:00.002+08:00

As the 18th of August glooms even nearer, my mood goes depressingly awful. What shud I say? What shud I think? What shud I feel?

The person is ready to listen, to just keep quiet while I begin to slowly open the cracked mask that has been my face for ages, unveiling the scarred inner me that will shocked everyone.

And here I am wishing that everything is ok.

Yesterday, I learnt something called sacrifice. I took MC and got two days, just so that I could help my mum prepare for family prayers on Nisfu Syaaban. I was plagued by worries and doubts over my position at work now, and being an almost perfectionist, I craved to go to work. To prove that I am an asset. But after seeing through my mum's eyes, and some sense and pushes from dad and a fren, I made it thru the test. Alhamdulillah. Anyways, I wun be staying too long. Was thinking of tendering my resignation sooner than you think.

I can never sacrifice my solat and friday prayers druing Ramadhan, if i do, it is better that i dun fast. Cuz solat comes 2nd before puasa, its like a chain of dominoes. Never do one pillar, the rest will give way.

In Nisfu Syaa'ban, the Prophet has promised his ummah that all shall be freed from hellfire under God's blessing and mercy except 6 kinds of people.

1) The few who drinks
2) The few who conducts or get close frequently to adultery
3) The few who has a heart of stone
4) The few who likes to spread misunderstanding/ fitna
5) The few who likes to use physical violence on the weak
6) The few who has goes against and are sinned against their parents

May Allah shed light on me, for I am sinned. Look at me, I am paying the price for the sins I have done.

And after the yassins, it cleared my head and tears can never stop leaking out of my bespectacled eyes.

I kept seeing my faults, not deserving to gain entrance to Paradise, how I did wrong, my guilt for dian, and my mua'lim Haji Salleh Meerasa, my teacher of spiritual Islam, is really sick. He is in hospital now. I have followed him, and his Maulids, zikr, and salawats for more than 5 years.

In May, he looked at me and suddenly said, " This boy has hope, this boy has hope."

I did not know what he see in me, perhaps a person who has khashaf like him cud truly see something in me. When I have given up on myself, he put hopes on me.

But what kind of hopes? If it is success in life, then alhamdulillah, but if it comes with the path of sins, then I guess I'd rather have a simple life. But if this hope comes in a shape of taufiq and hidayah, then I guess its much much better.

Ameen.

ps: I'll see you tmr dian. And you'll be able to see me the whole month of Ramadhan. I'll never stop praying for you.

2008-08-13T15:44:00.002+08:00

I don't know why but I find this song really soothing and relaxing, apart from the cute jap girl, really reminds me of Mikomatsu Fuguro, my jap friend of whom I made friends with during work at DFS.

Somehow or rather, everytime i see her stupid email, it makes me laugh hehe. Like, her english is way so bad, and how everytime she'd be correcting my jap.

"Must add ta at the back of masu, to say it in the past."

Say what in the past? Oh.. Past tense eh... hahahha..

Like duck and chicken talk.

Still remember how her eyes went so big when i say, "Kaili wa, nani kookku deska?"

Hahaha... Cute girl..

If im going to Japan with a friend, she'd be our tour guide. Easier ryt?

Hahahhaa! About direction wun be a prob, cuz its a simple verse of 'migi' and 'hidari' and 'okumade'.

Speaking of which, I had a great fun during our Family Chalet aka Buang Famlay Day. It was such a pity that I had to join them later cuz I got work. And so, all that was left was a guitar piece of 'Apa Saja' by KRU with me and my bros, and setting up of my hammock before going out to karaoke with my cousins for the first time. And damn it was good!

I slept in my hammock, and suddenly I was transported into memories of Brunei, how I laughed at Taufiq upon his stupidity cursing the ants that piled up on his boots till I slept, how he begged me like a puppy so that he could share some luxury of comfort in my hammock which was absolutely implausible, and how I carried the stupid heavy signal set more than half of the journey. And I didn't open that hammock eversince I last washed it back in Brunei, that was 2006 sey. Hahaha. Then how I teased Taufiq on how pathetic he looked with his swollen footrot-diseased like feet. He can't even walk to the canteen. Hahahahaha!

And suddenly I kinda missed all of them. Din, Wanpee, Taufik, Izhar, Sufian, Fairuz Black...

Hahahaha!

Enjoy the song while it last. :D

2008-08-09T12:07:00.002+08:00

Finally MTV ASIA awards.

And featuring ma all time fav dance crew, the dope dancers themselves.

The Jabbawockeez.

As soon as the webbie is up, im ordering one red and one white Jabbawockeez shirt.

And im asking a friend to design a shirt for me, white shirt with a stamp 'Jabbafied' on top of it, and at the back a small lettering with my name lil tin man at the bottom.

Hahahaha.

Spread the Revolution.

2008-08-09T01:35:00.003+08:00

bleargh, can't stop thinking. You actually made my stomach flip like, freaking more than a normal Olympic Gold medalist in Gymnastic.

Darn it.

2008-08-06T22:57:00.003+08:00

I am torn between many many factors that threaten to create a replica of me, a bad one that is. And after hearing the woes of Harold just now, I came across a natural thought upon myself. Life is too much of a complication. Life is but all competition. Who desires the most gets what they want. Be it work, money, girl.

Sigh.

But ultimately Allah knows what hidden desires I kept in myself.

Naturally, I just want a house in the meadows, a small cottage near the sea, where I grow my own farm and stuff, where I can be with my wife and do so many things with her, gardening, and stuff. And then we can help the community there. Life like this is so simple.

Dream on dude. Dream on.

Speaking of dreaming on, here is a song for the Malaysians. I uhm, 'accidentally' put this on my blog to commemorate Singapore's 43th birthday or something.

Hehe, im just trying to push aside the earworm of the song "Home" that is aired frequently over TV and Macdonald. Shit. I don't like this so-called patriotic feeling.

If only they were to play Borat's version of, 'Throw the Jew down the Well.'

Haha. Enjoy the clip.

Yeha!!

PS: Negaraku sounds so patriotic, I still remember how the Malaysian Soldiers sang it with their hearts out, as though they really love their country. And we Singaporeans just like, sing thru our teeth. Even the chinese peeps sang it wrong.

"Malila kita bessatu.. Dengan semayat yang baru.. Semua kita bessatu.."

"Majulah, Singgapura... Majulah Singgapula......."

My blog will definitely be the most controversial blog ever. Bleargh.